OC lesbians?! OH my!

WHY DIDN'T I WATCH THIS?!

Apparently there are some chicks that were on the OC, Marissa and Alex?! They like make out and enjoy each other's company and shit.

Why didn't anyone tell me about this?! You know, I really rely on my lesbian phone tree for things like this. This is what its for!

I blame Arlan. With how much we exchange information about lesbians and lesbian happenings there is no reason this should have happened. But the silver lining is....there's youtube. :] And now we can all watch it!!!!



Just FYI that chick who isn't Mischa Barton, is Olivia Wilde. She is the same chick that is said to spend an awfully a lot of time with Megan Fox. So much that Brian Austin Greendouche has taken a notice.

Yeah, we like her.

You know, rated R lesbianism is cool in movies and on TV [like L Word], but there's something about PG and PG-13 lesbianism that's pretty hot. The clip above, in my opinion is PG-13 lesbianism. Below is a list of some of my favorite PG and PG-13 lez scences, on shows or in films. Heh, what a tease ;]

5. Vicky Christina Barcelona. My girl Scarlett and Penelope Cruz kissing in a dark room. Two things only actually wrong with this: 1. Scene wasn't long enough. 2. I wasn't invited.



4. Calista Flockhart and Lucy Liu on Ally McBeal. I was young, and for some reason, super obsessed with Ally McBeal. Now I know why. Because I was super gay. AND because the show had Portia De Rossi and Lucy Liu. And they were always kissing girls. Hmmm. If only I knew then what I know now. This vid has no sound. But that's okay, we don't need noise. Just watch.



3. Ayiiia from Real World. She's got a shitty attitude. BUT she's hot. So just don't listen to her...just *watch* her do her thing :]. I love Real World Cancun.



2. Lost and Delirious. Piper Perabo is hot. End of story. And this story is beautiful. We were all rooting for Paulie and Tori. This is hands down a classic lezzy film. Again, why wasn't I there?!



1. Spashley from South of Nowhere. Ashley is that hot edgy lez that falls for the christian girl next door surprise dyke. The "N" network recently cancelled this show which was a stupid stupid move. Mostly because I've been sending nasty hate mail, but this just means one less show that could reach audiences and potentially help pave the road to equality. Either way, Ashley is hot, Spencer is hot, and we are reminded of how hot they are together, every epsidoe. Thats why this show is my favorite form of PG lesbianism.



Now, please remember, there is so MUCH MORE. But these are just my top 5 PG and PG-13 lesbian moments. Don't even get me started on the movie Wild Things, Rachel Shelley in ANY sex scene on the L Word, or Lena Headley and Piper Perabo in Imagine Me & You.

Happy Saturday to all ;]

- J

Whoa

Maybe I'm the only one...but I totally thought this was Madonna...







lol.

- J

So good

I love cheese. But do I love it THIS much? Hmm...bouncing through my day with the delicious aftertaste of cheetos on my lips? Some would say ew, but to that I say, what a delight!





Oh and on the way home I was listening to some old school Snoop and the lyrics were pretty raunchy. I was thinking to myself, what's with all this nonsense now-a-days about vulgar lyrics and so on...then I realized, its because white people never used to listen to rap music back then!!! Duh! Reminds me of when my dad HATED the idea that I wanted a Boyz II Men cd...ahh yes, Boyz II Men. And the cd I wanted? Their Christmas album. What did he think was going to happen to me listening to their soulful rendition of Noel?! I'd lower my car, throw in some hydraulics and a tiny steering wheel, and wear baggy pants with a red rag hanging out of my back pocket?? Really? Cuz I was gonna do that anyways, with or without the CD.

Also while I'm at it. This is for the silver mitsubishi on the freeway today. The lights on a car that you use to signal...they are also called "indicators". They are actually used to "indicate" to other drivers your desire to change lanes or to exit so you can do so safely. That's right! They're more than just blinky lights. How bout you remember that the next time your car is 3/4 into my lane and you turn it on for about 1 second. I'm sending you the bill for the next set of break pads I need, asshole. Oh and....you're ugly.

Off to watch those awesome trashy VH1 shows I love so much!

- J

One Word

Gross.






Yum.






Cutest.






Addicting.






Hilarious.


Fun.






Funny.


Brava.






Scrumptilicious.

Twitterdoo

Looking for backgrounds for my twitter page on google and I came across a website called:

Pimp my twitter.

That's just wrong.

That's all, for now. It's time for some shut eye.

- J

Salad Sexcapade

I must admit, I make a bangin' salad. Chunks of avacado coupled with ripe roma tomatoes, bountiful eggs, yummy snapea crisps, drizzled with *lite* ranch on a bed of fresh romaine. Next time I'll take a picture. Roll that beautiful bean footage.

Hmm what's new with me. Lets see, besides my amazing salad making skills, I realized I can indeed survive without cable. Our "smartcard" (if it was smart it would have automatically updated via satellite, but whatever, I'm not bitter) expired like, oh I don't know, years ago [3 weeks ago]. Dish is supposed to be sending us a new one...but is it here? No. Did they get a polite call from me asking for assitance? But of course, I'm always a lady. I used phrases like "I got disconnected 3 times already lady!", "I really don't understand why this is so difficult, I just need a smartcard because mine expired forever ago" and "Fine, let me speak to your manager". See? Very polite. Here we are, 15 years later, and I've missed Tough Love, Rock of Love Bus, AND the United States of Tara. Nurse Jackie is starting on Showtime soon, and if I miss that, Dish is getting a rude letter. Okay maybe not "survive" in the traditional sense of the word, but yeah....Dish sucks.

In other news, I just purchased the album "Swoon" by Silversun Puckups. One word: jizz-worthy. Wait, is that two words? Who knows. Whatever.

Okay off to the gym. This entry was short. Bleh.

:]

- J

It's his fault

So my personal trainer, David Williams, expects me to build him a shrine. He wants me to do this because he enjoys to hear me bitch and complain and crawl along the floor, because I am too damn weak and sore to do anything else. His "super legs" are anything but super. Definitely not "super" at 6:30 in the morning before work. Super would be...lets see...a shmoke and a panacke, a bong and a blitz, or a crepe and a pipe.

This entry is for David.

He rules all.
He is the best.
Everybody hopes to be just like him.
Chuck Norris doesn't have shit on David.


Oh and David's tears cure cancer; too bad he never cries.

So if at anytime over the next couple weeks I am pissing and moaning...don't blame me. Blame him. It's his fault. But hopefully soon, my body will be bangin, and that'll be his fault too!

Happy Saturday to all! I'm off to partake in a little partay tonight for a friend. Be safe, don't drink and drive, and come to the bar and buy me a drink.

- J

Who killed Jenny Schecter?!

Did you?!

Get the shirts here!

http://ikilledjennyschecter.com/

Out of his mind

No wonder Christian Bale was so perfect for the American Psycho role. It seems he simply portrayed himself! And not only that, but this totally explains the recent assault charges against him filed by his own family. Well done Christian Bale, well done. You are what I like to call "douchetastic"!



-J

My list

So most couples have the "freebie list". Such list means if at sometime, for some reason, god decides to be very nice to me, and the following ladies get so drunk, they think I'm Justin Timberlake or Johnny Depp and sleep with me, Diana can't get mad. After careful deliberation, I unveil to you, my celebrity freebie list:

- Kate Hudson


- Eva Mendes


- Pink


- Sarah Shahi


- Scarlett Johansson


People that came very close to being on the list, or might have been kicked off the list include:

- Charlize Theron.
I mean c'mon, yowza. She is truly beautiful, but seems a little too straight for me.


- Piper Perabo
She takes lezzy roles. She does it like its natural. And she looks damn fine doing it. But alas, not everyone can make the list.


- Rachel Shelley
Um. I don't know why she's not on my list. I may have to rethink some things.



Ugh, still sick :[ For christ sake, someone bring me some cheese!

-J

Ah, my hero

Only veteran comedian Kathy Griffin can make a prostitute blush. For those of you NOT tuning into CNN for watching the ball drop [who really would anyway] this is what went down when someone mistakenly decided to heckle Kathy Griffin.



Brava. I know that people are probably outraged, but I'm sure those people laughed and nodded in agreement when they heard that. Right before they started typing out an outraged email to CNN headquarters.

There is this realness about Kathy Griffin. She is more real than those true life documentaries on MTV about "Head Cheerleader: It's no ra ra ra" or "Douchebag: its not all pooka shell necklaces and tattered abercrombie jeans". It's real life.

Welp I'm sick. I've got me a good ole sinus infection. That's okay, it just gives me a reason to OD on dayquil. Happy new year!

-J

It's the holidays...

...and its cold! What could we all do to beat the chill? What better way than to heat up the sheets with your better half by getting it on. If you can't stand the holiday's with the fam, why not sneak off to a coat closet and do a little "hope-we-dont-get-caught sex". It'll burn calories AND make that dreaded holiday party go by fast.

I was reading aol and they had a great list of types of sex every couple should enjoy. It'll light sparks, burn calories, and bring you closer to your partner. So check out the list below, and then tell me how it goes. :]

Make-Up Sex

A passionate argument can lead to some just-as-passionate action between the sheets. Fighting causes dopamine and adrenaline levels to rise, making you and your partner excitable in more ways than one. Every couple faces occasional conflict, and sex after a disagreement can be a great way to get your relationship back on track. "When you're upset with each other, you need to be able to get over it and move on," says Fertel. "Sex changes the momentum after an argument."

Vacation Sex

The two of you may be tucked away in a private room, but the deed can still feel thrillingly public. And those crisp, clean sheets are just begging to be rumpled. Best of all, a vacation can be a great opportunity to re-connect with your partner sexually. "One of the benefits of a vacation should be to renew your sexual intimacy,” Fertel says. If you usually plan every minute of a trip, make sure you schedule time for sex. For example, plan to stay at the hotel until mid-morning or to come right back to your room after dinner for a relaxing night together.

Animalistic Sex

A sense of urgency can turn up the heat in a major way. Being aggressive can be fun and unexpected -- romance with a twist. After all, it's an element of mystery that defines romance. "It's when you don't quite know what to expect," Fertel says. So if you're in the mood, ripping each other's clothes off and skimping on foreplay could be an exciting change of pace.

Comfort Sex

Like meatloaf and mashed potatoes, sometimes you just need something that's simple, familiar and satisfying. It's one way to provide love and support when you or your partner has had a rough day or is feeling down. This is when it might be time to use your favorite stand-by position, one that you and your partner always enjoy. "When it comes to the climax, sometimes it needs to be in a certain way, and that's OK," says Fertel.

Hope-We-Don't-Get-Caught Sex

If you're at a boring party or family gathering, add a little spice to the evening by sneaking away to the spare bedroom. The possibility of getting caught adds a new level of excitement to your sex life and can even give you a reason to look forward to spending the holidays with the in-laws.

Fulfill-Your-Fantasy Sex

Everyone has sexual fantasies, and as long as both you and your partner feel comfortable acting them out, there's no reason you shouldn't try them. "We should be pursuing each other's fantasies, assuming they're appropriate," says Fertel. For example, if your partner has always dreamed of doing the deed on a boat, why not rent one and spend a romantic night at sea? All aboard!

Quickie Sex

If you're pressed for time, don't write off sex just yet -- this is when "the quickie" comes in handy. Just make sure it's something both parties want; an unfulfilling experience for either one of you can foster resentment and, over time, weaken the relationship. When someone says yes to sex when she really means no, "she's not doing him a favor; she's making a mistake," Fertel says. "It will turn her off to him sexually long-term."

Romantic, Sensual Sex

Taking the time savor sex without rushing through it can be luxurious and fulfilling on many levels. Connecting with your partner by taking it slow means you get to enjoy every moment of being together and lets you take advantage of the emotional connection that makes sex better. Whether it takes candles, music or some bubbly, building the mood can provide a major boost between the sheets.

All-Over-the-House Sex

Switching up your lovemaking location can be a great way to inject some spontaneity into a relationship, which in turn can make your partner feel even more desirable. "Spontaneity is beautiful. It's fun and exciting," says Fertel. "Too often, people get into a routine where they have sex at the same time, at the same place." If you and your partner are doing the laundry together, for example, pulling him or her close for a quick rendezvous can be surprising and refreshing. It's good, clean fun -- no detergent required!

Outdoor Sex

You tell your kids to go play outside -- now it's time to practice what you preach! Bringing your sexual escapades outside can be fun and invigorating. If you're camping in a tent or live on a large piece of property, those can be great opportunities to try something new. But to avoid legal problems, it's best to keep your shenanigans private. "The caution is to make sure you're somewhere where you could not be in the public eye," Fertel says. So venture outside to learn more about the birds and the bees.

Position of the Week Sex

Trying out a new position offers the chance to learn more about what brings your partner pleasure. Some positions work better than others for helping a woman orgasm, and experimenting with new ones can give you a better feel for what works -- and what doesn't. Mixing it up keeps sex fresh and prevents it from becoming routine, Fertel says. That makes it more likely you and your partner will keep doing it -- literally.

Marathon Sex

Come rain, snow, sleet or hail, when the weather gets frightful this winter there's no better excuse to spend an entire day in bed. Think of it as Bedroom Olympics. Work together for a common goal, like breaking your record for how many times you can do the horizontal tango in a row. When your sexual energy is finally tapped out, you'll both be exhausted and satisfied.

http://www.tbd.com/group/3/discussion/840790/show

I was also reading on AOL earlier this week that a minister of a large congregation challenged his church goers to try having sex everyday for a week. His thought was to bring sex "back to god" and help stimulate fizzling out marriages. There were tons of responses and I was surprised to see that most couldn't do it for seven days in a row. Geez! You treat it like doing laundry and it'll get boring and un-meaningful, just like laundry.

I think I could definitely take on this challenge. Its a testament to how you want to make your partner feel. You can hold their hand, open doors, actively listen when they talk and make them laugh, but the connection that happens when you prove to them physically they're your number one is something that cant be matched. I feel the kind of love and spark you feel towards a person when its the right one, can't be described in words, and shouldn't be! Taking the time to excite and pleasure your partner shows them how important they are to you deep down and how there isn't anyone out there that can make them feel like you make them feel.

Imagine getting it on under christmas tree lights! Heh, that would be awesome!

Happy holidays,

-J

Sex

Yup. It's fun, it's homeopathic, and its only boring and lame if you make it boring and lame.

These ladies would agree. And I'm umm...happy they do. Cause two are on my celebrity freebee list :]

Scarlett Johanson:
"Sex in a car. If I were in a really raunchy frame of mind wanting something crazy and kinky, the back seat would be it." -Talking about her sexual fantasy with me in the back of my solara.

Megan Fox:
"I really enjoy having sex, and that's offensive to some people. Women are the quickest to call other women sluts, which is sad. I haven't met a lot of men who've said, 'You like having sex? What a dirty whore you are!' That's because they wish their wives or girlfriends would have more sex with them." - Can I make my list larger? So I can...ya know, have her on it? Even though she is engaged to guy, I'd still give it a whack

Angelina Jolie:
"You're young, you're drunk, you're in bed, you have knives; shit happens..." - I'll take all of that with her, minus the knives.

Kate Hudson [yum]:
"Sexual energy really does drive me. ...My mother's the same as me. My parents always said, 'Sex is the best thing in the world...When you start having it you're going to love it. But it's that much better when you love somebody, so just remember that." - This is hotter than what Angelina, Megan AND Scarlett said. Nom nom nom...

and my favorite...god love her...

Dolly Parton:
"When I have sex with my husband these days, I fantasize I am with someone like Keith Urban or a petite, hot young woman." - H.O.T.

Happy Thanksgiving to all of you!

Be safe!

-J

For all my ravers

I saw this guy live about 2 years ago at the DC Improv. Really hilarious. His name is Pablo Francisco. He will be rolling through the San Jose Improv this coming New Years. If you have a chance to check him out, he is a must see. If you are broke like me, just watch youtube vids :]



It's Tuesday huh? Damn it. Well for those of you who are in the SF area...Uh Huh Her is performing tonight at the Filmore. What a great venue and what a great freaking band. I would have killed to go to this performance at such a small intimate venue. If you're going, have fun!

The rest of ya'll be safe whatever you do and if you're broke like me, have fun at home!

Haha!

-J

I miss you now

Its that time again. Called on like an old friend. Consistent and precise, it happens from time and time. The overwhelming urge to see you your face in front of me again. Bright and shiny like I remember. All of you before it all became unglued. I miss you now. Thought I had the strength to make it better, to make it all worth while. For you, I wanted to be. What you needed. Wrapped up in my own world, but selfishly persistent to bring you back to you. The one always there, when no one else could be found. My best friend. Memories trapped in this box I call my mind. You live here. Through my own life, my own drama, my own angst, you've stayed in that little box you now call your home. You live here. And I miss you now. I see those tattoos and I see you. And the face, that always helped me through. It's that time of year. Every year, I shed one less tear. Among millions, hard to think it makes a difference. Hard to think it gets easier. I miss you now. More than ever. And it happens every year. Fall comes along with all of its gray, and sweeps into a bright red heart, pumping so young, and fruitless, unaware of that part of you that is getting me through. Your strength, shot into my heart, with tired, shaky hands. Hard to trust that its for the better. I miss you now. I don't remember the wrinkles of your face, the strength of your hands, the brilliance of your mind. Wish I could rediscover it all again. Because this time I'd take note. I'd let you make your mark on this life I call mine. I'd let you in. Again and again, and not take advantage of the love you shared. I miss you now. And again.