I just want back in your bed

Morning ladies. Here, I got you some coffee.






Starbucks grande mocha frappuccino no whip? One for you and one for me. Sorry they were out of the shortbread cookies. You'll have to wait. <3

Wow it's early. It's 8:45 and I have already been at work for almost an hour. I am about to go do a starbucks run because my tummy needs company. So now they are serving hot breakfast sandwiches which me and my tummy couldn't be happier about. You know how I am about my cheese. Especially melted cheese. It's kind of like finding a hot girl, who's ALSO melted cheese. I mean who's also smart and good in bed. It's just so much better melted. God I'm hungry.

Anybody been over to Planet Sappho? It's a lesbian dating site. I guess its like match.com except for women who like boobies. Okay, so by a show of hands, who all likes boobies? *puts hand up and looks around*. Awesome, me too! I'm so glad we have something in common. You and I will get along juuuuust fine.

Let's see…what else is going on? Oh! I updated my myspace page. I got one of those super fancy flash pages. The only downside is tweaking the html code. It is a pain in my ass. Right now there is this Linkin Park image on my page and it's just lame. I need to put a cool pic up there…like the one I have of Kelly Clarkson straddling me. Yeah that one would be nice.

OH GOD! You wont believe this site I found. It's like a douchebags mecca. I typed "pain in my ass" in google and found the site. It's so egotistical I swear to god I felt an imaginary penis jump out of the screen and smack me in my face. GRRR. So let's all take a little field trip over to a place where apparently, women are only good at one thing…making babies and "every woman is a cheating whore"*shaking head* You can just call me "angryface".

Okay so let's end on a good note shall we?



It's about time for me to hit the streets and make some money. I mean go to starbucks and be a receptionist. I hope you all enjoy your weekends! I'll get at you when I get back from LA…

"They're hot circles tend to give me some hope, yeah"

- J

Lay me down

Oh god, it's late. Well not super late. I have a long day ahead of me...today. Just wanted to talk about the things that make me smile before I hit the sheets.

-Lyrics to yummy songs
-Not having a care in the world
-Seeing my baby girls face
-Knowing that someone, somewhere loves me
-Cuddled up with someone you love
-Feeling like no one can bring you down
-Friends that can listen to you vent without SOMEHOW making it about them
-A slice of cheese
-Ice Cream
-Supportive friends and family
-Finding money in jeans
-Mexican food late at night
-Pez and chocolate
-Feeling sexy
-Backslashing all the bullshit out of your life

Okay thats all I have for tonight. I leave tomorrow for LA pretty much right after work. I haven't decided yet if I am going to bring my laptop. I might bring it to do a webcam episode with Arlan if I can persuade her to do it for her viewers. But I'm not promising anything. I am pretty much packed and ready to go...so if I end up bringing my laptop look forward to another post. If not then you probably won't get one until Tuesday :[ But I am sure I will have lots to talk about since I will be attending the Terra Naomi show and seeing Itty Bitty Titty Committee.

Happy hunting Friday and Saturday night. Hope you all have good hook ups. I'll be at the bar asking for drinks and texting. It's just how I do.

If you see me out, buy me a drink would ya? This bitch could use it.

Night!

-J

Who knows, what's lurking there....UGH.

My mind is so far from my body today it's ridiculous. I started my day off with some stupid texts from my ex that made me just feel…..angry and hurt. I've spent my day with my head in the clouds thinking about all sorts of things and trying to find some sort of solution.

Problem is, I found the solution but it's not working. I feel like I have this huge ball of undigested cheese in my stomach. [I love cheese] BUT, I know this much. I like me. I mean myself and ME have been friends for…*stops and thinks*…almost 23 years now. Me and myself have a great time together, I'm always here for me, and I make an awesome homemade spaghetti and garlic bread. SO I have to learn to start doing things that help me take care of me and myself. This includes:

-Finding solace in knowing that people get what they deserve.
-As long as I do the best that I can and give 110%, I'll sleep just fine.
-There's going to be people who want to bring me down, but they can only do that if I LET THEM.
-It pays to take the high road
-Don't stress or fret over the things that I cannot change.
-Take it one day at a time and JUST BREATHE.
-Remembering that I have people who support and love me.

So I need to laugh and I need to smile. PLUS! Those things burn calories. I totally need it. Tonight I need to pack for LA. After my day today I totally need to get away. Tomorrow is going to be jam packed but I'm ready for it. I'm ready for a little "pants-around-my-ankles" kinda fun. Just kidding! More like: "funny-movie-with-a-long-beach iced-tea-and-good-conversation" kind of fun. OH and I need to shop. Good thing cuz this Saturday I am sooooooooo doing it. I'll be sure to tell you all what I get.

Anyone have any plans for tonight? Oh and did anyone catch the season premiere of Till Death? I don't have cable, but I think I can watch it online. Also, when does Prison Break start? I find it funny that they can take one simple act of breaking out of prison, and drag it out soooooo long. These guys have been breaking out of prison for like, what, 4 seasons now? It's still fantastic. Michael Scoffield is one of those rare guys that I would totally sleep with. He's in the 20% of my 80/20 lifestyle.

So for me, its back to grinding the day away and I hope you all enjoy your nights.

-J

***Theme for the post: Under the Influence of Giants – In the Clouds

Talk slow to me love...

I've got somemusic pouring in my ears cuz it's one of those nights where I can't sleep and feel incredibly bored. It's like my eyes are searching for something good to look at and can't find anything satisfying. Now I'm left thinking how I should have enjoyed more the good I HAD seen tonight. Bleh. My mind's just sitting here racing, thinking of my life's "this and that's" AND about that little old Asian lady that did one of those fast "oh my god get your dog away from me" walks past Chloe this afternoon. She did it like she was some sort of pit bull or something. Jesus Christ lady....shes like a foot tall. And wearing a tie. Cue angry confused face.

My next couple of days are going to be kind of busy. I had an incredibly busy WORK day today. But the next few will be busy AFTER work. I have lots of packing to do because I am going to LA this weekend. I am going to visit my grandma, hang out with Arlan and go to the Terra Naomi show. It's been a while since I've seen my grandma so it will be nice. Also the last time I saw her I was straight...haha. So it'll be interesting.

OH and oh my god can we talk about SON?! Stop reading now if you don't want any spoilers. So! Last episode ended with Spencer showing up at Ashley's place in nothing but a trench coat and heels. All this comes after Ashley was a fucking great ex girlfriend and got Spencer's mom to go to Pride to support Spencer. Spencer realizes how fucking awesome Ashley is for doing this and how much Ashley has changed. All this time Ashley has realized how Spencer is the girl for her. Insert sigh here _____. AHHH! I was so excited when I saw that damn trench coat hit the floor. Damn Spencer is hot...and not to mention the patent leather pumps? Good call Spence. Does this mean the rebirth of Spashley? And most importantly, can we move this show to Showtime so they can show Ashley get at Spencer? Preferably up against a wall, or on a table? Or my bed? I just washed the sheets. That would be awesome. Screw Christmas presents, that's all I want.

Here are some awesome screen shots: [Let's just all hold hands and look together]




mmhmm...okay...




Good point. I was thinking the SAME thing....




I couldn't agree more...*nodding*




Bitch better be smiling.

Now wasn't that nice? It left me feeling all warm and fuzzy. Come cuddle? Sweet. I'll leave the door unlocked. Can't promise Chloe won't bark tho :|

On that note I leave with a list of songs I can't stop playing! Enjoy:

Klaxons - Golden Skans
M.I.A. - Come Around (feat. Timbaland)
Justice - TTHHEE PPAARRTTYY
Tegan & Sara - I know, I know, I know and Speak Slow
Rooney - When did your heart go missing
The Chalets - Nightrocker
Under the Influence of Giants - Lay me down
YACHT - See a penny

Goodnight ladies,

-J

FACE? Yes....I'm the OG Face.

Hello Ladies. It's about that time for an update since it's been FOREVER since I posted. Don't be disappointed though!

What I'm listening to right now: The love that I crave - The Blow
How my day was: Awesome. I did almost nothing and it was perfect.
Highlight of my day: I spent about an hour cuddling with Chloe. I love her smell.
Lowlight of my day: I hate Target on the weekends.
One thing you probably didn't know about me: I love the word FACE. I use it all the time. I attach it to other words, and I always say it a little differently when I use it in a sentence with other words. I call Chloe "FACE". OR ChloeFace. I'm just a Face. My loved ones all have Faces that I love. You'll find me asking them "How's your face?". I'm weird.

Moving on...

So I haven't posted since Thursday, so to make up for it, I took more pics. I grabbed the love of my life (Chloe) and turned on the webcam. I am pretty sure she is sick of having her pic taken but she's going to have to just deal with it. Oh and by the way, she is totally wearing a tie. I swear to god shes the dog version of Ellen.






And can you believe I haven't seen a douche bag all weekend? I can't believe it. OH WAIT. I take that back. I saw an Italian shoe douche at Cheesecake. Damn it. I thought it was quite possible that I hadn't. OH and this coming weekend I am going to be in LA visiting my grandma and catching the Terra Naomi show. Check out some of Terra's songs on mybreast. I mean on myspace. Gosh. Sorry about that. My minds in the gutter. Well...not just my mind, my whole damn body.

K kiddies...I end this post with:
"You remember the route to her heart from her thighs" *Ahem* Hot.

Now you just think about that.

Perky boobies to you all!

-J

Hairs on my head

SOOOO how's everyone? Wow I had a long day. I am in desperate need of a drink! A yummy long beach iced tea will do me juuuust fine. I am so glad that my day is almost over. Going to go to Cheesecake Factory grab some food and then head over and grab a drink.

OH! After work I got my hair done. I chopped a lot of it off and darkened it up quite a bit. And it was so funny the lady next to me was either drunk or on some sort of drug. She was slurring her speech and at one point she said "I normally wear a size zero....*inaudible*...but like....*slurred speech* some reason, the wedding dress is A eight...I just don't even know..." All I had to say to this was "Riiiiiiight. Bitch must be crazy." BUT I was able to get in a little photo session with my baby girl before I hit the streets tonight.....enjoy your nights!
















:]

-J

Consider My Socks Officially Rocked

Last night was the time of MY LIFE. Well not of my life. There was that time Angelina Jolie and I were "together"...AKA "intimate". She begged me not to tell Brad. I haven't because, well, I'm just a stand up gal. Anyways, last night I went to San Francisco for The Sounds concert. The opening band was Under the Influence of Giants and one of my all time favorite bands. They're music just makes you want to dance and take your top off Have you heard them? No?! Well then. Lets set a date for you to listen to them in front of me. AND REMEMBER...they make you want to dance...and take your top off. Just ignore the little red light on the video camera. I'm making a documentary about clothes. The music rocked my socks, made me dance and I had a great time. The Sounds was so amazing. Except indie rock douche bags decided to mosh and crowd surf to The Sounds. Just to let you know...that's NOT OKAY. Don't ever do that.

If you guys have never listened to The Sounds or Under the Influence of Giants SHAME ON YOU! I expect you to leave this page right now and go listen. You can find all their great songs on myspace. Duh.

The rest of my night will be spent fiddling with my blog, watching some Queer as Folk (can you believe I've never seen it?!) and finishing up some laundry. If any of you want to come over and fold that would be awesome! I end this post with a wave and nipple tweak. Cause I'm just classy like that. Oh c'mon, you know you love it.

Sweet, sweaty, naughty dreams to you all!

-J

My baby girl Chloe says good night too...

Tuesdays with Jescas...just because

First off, Happy Tuesday! How'd everyone sleep? *listening and nodding* Awesome.

Now let's move onto much more dire, worldly issues that are of utmost importance. Like say uhh….Kelly Clarkson? Yes, let's talk about "The Kelly". I may have touched nipple on this subject before but it never hurts to talk about it again. I never thought myself to sport lady wood over some celebrity…but I can't resist The Kelly and her voice. There's something about the combination of her hot bod and amazing voice that makes me want to buy a bear skin rug and silk sheets. And perhaps nipple clamps? Depends on what "The Kelly" is into…I'm…*ahem* down, for whatever. Seriously.

So, I spent the weekend helping one of my bestest friends paint a room. At one point we needed to run out to Home Depot. [sidenote: Can anyone else not resist touching the carpet when they go there? And I love that there is a store in my area called "MMM Carpet" MMM is damn right.] We got our paint rollers, did the pain-in-the-ass self checkout, and was on our way. I thought I was going to go the whole day without seeing a douche bag. But sure enough I saw one leaving the parking lot. I guess it was to be expected, with being at Home Depot and all. This guy was the EPITOME of douche. I swear you could have boxed him up and sold him. He had the crisp clean hat cocked at just the right angle with all the stickers still on it from when he bought it, the necklace and earring glistening in the sun, about five layers of t shirts (why do they do that?) and came with the two most important of all douche accessories: Lifted Dodge ram with Flowmaster custom exhaust and his "nerdy-douche" wingman probably named Kevin. You see, Kevin is douchey, but not so douchey that he would take away from his friends douchiness. But douchey enough to share necklaces with the guy and to pick him up at a strip club when he's had too much to drink. Kevin holds the typical douche bag wingman resentment. Never being able to be the douche he is capable of being because he lives in his friends douche bag shadow. Kevin needs to breakaway.

Oh and last night at dinner I hit my elbow on the table. It hurts. It's bruised. Just like Kevin's little douche bag ego. Poor Kevin.

How bout you meet me at the Sounds concert tonight? K? You should come buy me a drink. :]

-J

It's MINE'S

So this is my first post on my OWN blog. Some of you might be hitchhiking here from YDLM, so welcome! If you are stumbling upon this randomly…then for sure take off your shoes, most definitely take off your shirt, give me your wallet, pin number and stay a while. Sometimes it'll be funny, sometimes blah, but I'll always have something to say. That much I know. My middle name is satisfaction and I'm changing my last name to guaranteed, so we'll be good to go. Not 100% satisfied? Then I'll give your panties back. OR you can just write me. Whatever makes you comfortable.

I've had a pretty full year so far and I've learned a lot about myself. I've gone through some drama in my personal life and this blog represents a new beginning. Here are some things I've learned:

-L Word Season 1 is still the best season.
-Never settle for less than you deserve.
-Personally, I deserve Ben and Jerry's Cherry Garcia Ice Cream. Just sayin'.
-The front bumper on my Solara does REALLY WELL in a low speed collision.
-A Saab's back bumper DOES NOT do really well in a low speed collision.
-I see at least ONE douche bag a day. And they all have that same egotistical "my mom still does my laundry" grin on their face.
-Everyone in my life deserves an Oscar for being the best supporting cast in my life's drama.
-Do not park in the loading zone in front of Splash. You will get a ticket.
-If it's late at night and you're running toward Weinerschnitzel…Winter WILL yell at you to "only eat the weenie". Cut out the carbs, yo.
-Girls are better than boys. At everything AND in every way. FYI.
-Two girls don't need a rod.

So here's to a new blog and new stuff being said, randomly. Right now I am off to watch Scrubs. Hope everyone is enjoying their weekend....

Have a safe Saturday night!

-J