So many things gay....

*Looks you up and down and winks* How you doin' sexy?

I hope that everyone had an awesome weekend! I know that it's Wednesday and it's taken me forever to get a post up here. But in my defense, my ass loves you. I promise I'll give you a back rub before I work you out tonight. I'll light some candles and play a little 112. That should do it.

So I spent the weekend in LA. And have so much to tell you all about. Friday night I went to a little place called Here. Friday happens to be ladies night and that means the Truckstop girls do a little dancing on the bar. The girls are yummy....not as yummy as my Kelly, but not bad. I made a little mistake and I wound up tipping a girl 10 dollars. NOW, let me explain! I saw all the ones in her panties and thought she would make change! At least thats what I thought in my head. I stood front row at the bar, jaw on the floor like a 12 year old boy as I just got drenched in water. Moral of the story: Jess had fun.

Fast forward past me eating gay pizza and somehow making it home in a wet t shirt to Saturday night. I was lucky enough to go to the Itty Bitty Titty Committee movie. Just an FYI: this movie is so awesome. I couldn't have been more pleased. Well...let's not say that. I could have been more pleased, but that would involve...*ahem* other things. Well...Kelly knows what they are. While at the movie four totally straight douchebags came in to watch the movie. I doubt they had any interest in lesbian culture...they were there because they saw the word "titty" on the sign out front. Grrr. Either way, I enjoyed the movie and you can check out the trailer in my pants:



After I got home from the movie. I ate Cooler Ranch Doritos and talked to Arlan about bringing people to the world. It's a new non profit project we plan to start early spring 2008. Saving the world, one pair of titties at a time. We'll have a logo similar to this one:




We just want to help people. That's all. Oh and no boobs were harmed in the making of the logo. Maybe squeezed for reference, but definitely not harmed.

Sunday night I got to go to Terra Naomi's show and actually meet her! She is an awesome person with amazing talent. I have a pic on my profile of all of us hotties and Terra after the show. You can also navigate to the right side of this page to check out her myspace page and order her album.

I really enjoyed spending time with the people I was with this weekend. I also got to make some new friends. I simply adored Sarah (Arlan's BFF) who runs Robot Envy. We even got a little photo op in:





Another person I met is Tina of the blog Audio Taco. She definitely rocked my socks and somehow we discussed how my vagina needs a lojacking device. And now I have the betch pinging me left and right to track it down. I like her so much I gave her free roadside service. Ehh...whatever keeps em coming back right? The customer always comes first. I'm a lady.

Thanks to Tina I was able to extend my knowledge base on douchebags. She gets full credit for finding this site. Navigate here, poke around, and then come back so we can talk about it.

*waits*

I KNOW!!! Can you believe it?! I cried. I cried a lot. So much hotness, and so much douche. Not even floral scented douche! I think my favorite was DimpleDouche. This douche was not just a DimpleDouche...hes a multifaceted douche. He has the Guido chest hair, popped collar AND opened shirt with gold chain, and has way too much gel in his hair. I swear if you panned down he'd be wearing white socks with his stiff and cheap wannabe italian loafers. Jesus, it hurts to look at this site for too long. I need to fix this. I will work to the bone to fix all the wrong that was on that site. People, people, lend me your boobies.

After all that...I bugged Arlan for cheese. And then we sat on a bench for an hour and half in the LA sun, eating cold stone, watching three of the most beautiful kids (not more beautiful than my nieces tho) play in a fountain. Couldn't have ended my weekend off better. It would of been nice to see my Grandma but she was in New Mexico taking care of land issues. Other than that, I had a blast. Hope you all had the best weekend.

Right now I am off to relax and watch a movie! I need to laugh! So how bout you swing by, pick up some Ben and Jerry's Cherry Garcia, and then come watch it with me...I could use the company. I could use the company for lots of reasons, but for now we can keep it PG.

Sleep tight, don't let your girlfriend bite...

...unless you want her to.

- J

I just want back in your bed

Morning ladies. Here, I got you some coffee.






Starbucks grande mocha frappuccino no whip? One for you and one for me. Sorry they were out of the shortbread cookies. You'll have to wait. <3

Wow it's early. It's 8:45 and I have already been at work for almost an hour. I am about to go do a starbucks run because my tummy needs company. So now they are serving hot breakfast sandwiches which me and my tummy couldn't be happier about. You know how I am about my cheese. Especially melted cheese. It's kind of like finding a hot girl, who's ALSO melted cheese. I mean who's also smart and good in bed. It's just so much better melted. God I'm hungry.

Anybody been over to Planet Sappho? It's a lesbian dating site. I guess its like match.com except for women who like boobies. Okay, so by a show of hands, who all likes boobies? *puts hand up and looks around*. Awesome, me too! I'm so glad we have something in common. You and I will get along juuuuust fine.

Let's see…what else is going on? Oh! I updated my myspace page. I got one of those super fancy flash pages. The only downside is tweaking the html code. It is a pain in my ass. Right now there is this Linkin Park image on my page and it's just lame. I need to put a cool pic up there…like the one I have of Kelly Clarkson straddling me. Yeah that one would be nice.

OH GOD! You wont believe this site I found. It's like a douchebags mecca. I typed "pain in my ass" in google and found the site. It's so egotistical I swear to god I felt an imaginary penis jump out of the screen and smack me in my face. GRRR. So let's all take a little field trip over to a place where apparently, women are only good at one thing…making babies and "every woman is a cheating whore"*shaking head* You can just call me "angryface".

Okay so let's end on a good note shall we?



It's about time for me to hit the streets and make some money. I mean go to starbucks and be a receptionist. I hope you all enjoy your weekends! I'll get at you when I get back from LA…

"They're hot circles tend to give me some hope, yeah"

- J

Lay me down

Oh god, it's late. Well not super late. I have a long day ahead of me...today. Just wanted to talk about the things that make me smile before I hit the sheets.

-Lyrics to yummy songs
-Not having a care in the world
-Seeing my baby girls face
-Knowing that someone, somewhere loves me
-Cuddled up with someone you love
-Feeling like no one can bring you down
-Friends that can listen to you vent without SOMEHOW making it about them
-A slice of cheese
-Ice Cream
-Supportive friends and family
-Finding money in jeans
-Mexican food late at night
-Pez and chocolate
-Feeling sexy
-Backslashing all the bullshit out of your life

Okay thats all I have for tonight. I leave tomorrow for LA pretty much right after work. I haven't decided yet if I am going to bring my laptop. I might bring it to do a webcam episode with Arlan if I can persuade her to do it for her viewers. But I'm not promising anything. I am pretty much packed and ready to go...so if I end up bringing my laptop look forward to another post. If not then you probably won't get one until Tuesday :[ But I am sure I will have lots to talk about since I will be attending the Terra Naomi show and seeing Itty Bitty Titty Committee.

Happy hunting Friday and Saturday night. Hope you all have good hook ups. I'll be at the bar asking for drinks and texting. It's just how I do.

If you see me out, buy me a drink would ya? This bitch could use it.

Night!

-J