Need Anything from the World?

One of my coworkers asked me that earlier today. I think it is probably the most fantastic question I have ever heard. She was implying Starbucks or cheese but all I could do was laugh because of all the crap that filled my head. One thing that I have found I miss seeing is douche bags. The sightings have been few and far between because I go so far out of my way to avoid them. But now I miss the little fuckers. I would love to spot some holiday douche. I want Kevin’s draped in garland and Mark’s wearing Santa hats. Don’t be surprised if you find me lurking all creepy like at the front doors of Dick’s Sporting Goods or making a late night drive by Napa Auto Parts. I want the smell of exhaust and the sight of oversized cubic zirconias from Mervyn’s in my face. *sigh* I think I’m sad.

You know what else I miss? My damn computer! Grrr. Geek squad still has it and I am getting impatient. I miss blogging whenever my heart desires. I miss getting lost online until the wee hours of the morning. Now that I have a video ipod, I really miss itunes. AND I can’t wait to download the Sims 2 back onto my computer. I miss playing that game. You know what’s fun? Making a girl Sim hit on another girl Sim. I was curious if they would actually have the option of having sex and they do! Hehe, leave it up to me to act like a 13 year old boy, huh? There are even people online who create different skins to resemble L Word characters. So when I get a chance, I am going to download myself a Bette and see how well my Jessica Sim and Bette Sim get along. *wink wink*

I tried doing Christmas cards last night but I just didn’t have the energy. All of my addresses are lost and I would have to call or text everyone to get their address, so as you can tell I was not motivated. My question is, do people really care if they get a Christmas card? I mean, really? It seems like it means close to nothing when you send one to someone but when they don’t get one, its blasphemy. Well people are not getting Christmas cards from me this year. So Happy Holiday’s from me and Chloeface.

So this is what I want from the world:
-Holiday sightings of douche bags.
- My computer back so I can download TS2 and make all the Female Sims hit on each other
- A special someone to kiss under the mistletoe and eat melted cheese with.
- Everyone special in my life to get what they want for Christmas. No matter what it is.
- Cheese, chocolate and Kelly Clarkson wearing nothing but chucks and a vintage t shirt laying in my bed.

That’s TIT. I’m simple. So I expect you’ll make it happen.

I thought this was funny:






Aight bitches. It’s that time of the week again. “National Reminder You’re Not Getting Laid Day” i.e.: hump day. Enjoy yourselves.

-J

Happy Feckin' Holidays

This is why I am glad it’s the holiday season. I can listen to this over and over again and no one can say anything!

Ugh. It’s that time of the year ya’ll. Where couples take vacation days, do each other all day long, then go out in public with their “sex glow” and “freshly fucked” hair and buy gifts for each other. You’ve seen them. They are the ones smiling. And you know what is even worse? They are always getting the good parking spots. I wonder what they had for breakfast. Probably Grapenuts. I wonder if I eat Grapenuts if I’ll get good parking spots and freshly fucked hair. Hmpf.

Random: When I was little my dad used to carry cones around in his trunk. If we saw a good parking spot, he’d pop the trunk, I’d jump out, run across the parking lot and put the cones down. People swore it was for construction or something. Or if we had a good parking spot, had to leave but were intending on coming back and didn’t want to lose it, we would put the cones down when we left. They always held our spot. Lol. People can be so trusting sometimes.

It’s been a while since I last posted and that is mostly because my life is lame. My ‘puter is now broken. There is something wrong with the wireless switch. On top of that, (and my breasts) I need a new power cord because it won’t charge. I am also broke, so I can’t afford to fix any of that. But good news: ChloeFace is still cute as hell, I just bought a brand new pack of cheese, my birthday balloons from my roommate are still inflated and floating around my room scaring me in the middle of the night and I’m done with my Christmas shopping. But it’s no longer my birthday month.

I watched Romy and Michelle’s High School Reunion the other day and I forgot just how good it was. My favorite lines:

Romy: Swear to God, sometimes I wish I was a lesbian.

Michele: Do you want to try, to see if we are?

Romy: What? Yeah, right, Michelle. Just the idea of having sex with another woman creeps me out. But if we're still single at 30, ask me again.

Michele: Okay.

I actually had this pact with one of my friends when I was younger. Wow. She’s still straight. I’m a lesbian. Both single. Only 7 years to go until we test to see if she is…..hmmm…good day for Jess *wink wink*

So how was everyone’s Thanksgiving? I know it is a little late to ask but its better than never right? Mine was good. My mom woke me up at 4 AM the day after to go black Friday shopping. It was soooo nice of her to take me shopping, but I am not a morning person. I will never be a morning person. So don’t try waking me before ten unless you wanna lose a nipple. I’m serious.

Plans for the holidays are to eat, drink and be merry. Pretty much the same agenda I hold from day to day. Hopefully my computer will be fixed in the next couple of weeks and I will be able to post more now that I have more time [boobs] on my hands. I am also going to try and do some more Operator 11 shows with Arlan. Possibly do a holiday special. What do you guys thinks? Santa hats and booze? Nothing says bringing in the holidays like two lesbians shooting the shit and talking about breasts and cheese.

Oh and by the way….you’re sexy.

-J