Vagina lift?

Um...yeah. You read it right. Apparently, people are having their vagina's, like, all, reconstructed and stuff. They say they are doing it for reasons like: "to make the outside more attractive" and "to reshape it after childbirth".

Lift my vagina please

Hmm...I've heard of back tucks, ass lifts, and ear pinning, but never a vagina lift. My question is, how many people are looking at your vagina that you need to have surgery to make it prettier, you whore?

But really I think my favorite part of the article was the title, "Designer vagina trend 'worrying'". You know I had to click on it.

My point is this: vagina's are beautiful. They're sexy. They make you feel like Christmas morning. They are the cats meow.

And if all you're doing when you're down there is staring at it, you've got a lot to learn.

So put on a bib, pull up a chair and get to work. If you wont, I will *wink wink*

-J

Ain't it grand

Kinda cool to see two girls crazy about each other. And if they can make each other laugh like this...it's all worth it, huh? I think so. All power to Sam and Linds

Oh and Linds....no bra? Nice. You're such a dyke.

Mmmm

Im bored. And totally obsessed with the following:

Kerli - Walking on air


Incubus - Anna Molly


Gwen Stefani - Luxurious


Aerosmith - Crazy


She Wants Revenge - Written in Blood
Written in Blood


Lady GaGa - Just Dance


Bleh. Im bored.

Thank you, Mr. Pitt

Apparently, Mr. Brad Pitt is all about the gay marriage. Pitt donated 100,000 dollars to help the fight to save gay marriage. Pitt said he was surprised that there were not more celebrities helping the battle against proposition 8. I think Angie had a little something to do with this. Usually, when they donate money it is as a couple; as Mr. and Mrs. Pitt. But this time it is just Pitt alone. Hmmm, I wonder if Angie enticed Brad with a new car....or a hummer. And no, not the big SUV. The other kind.

Thats a damn shame, because she's pretty hot. Starting to get a little overrated but, hot is hot...is it not? Speaking of hot....that reminds me...

You know Oprah's gay scale? The one where she says that it is not all just black and white, either gay or straight, but rather that we all have a percentage worth of homosexuality and heterosexuality combined. Well my scale is like 95/5. Meaning 95 percent gay and 5 percent straight. Well Brad pitt is right in there on that 5 percent. There are only 3 men I would go straight for. And they are:

1. Brandon Boyd


yeah....he can go ahead and keep that hat on...

2. Brad Pitt


Gimme gimme more...gimme more...gimme gimme more...please.

3. Sarah Shahi


Shit, how did that get in there. Mmm, who cares.

Oh well, guess its only two guys. Heh. :]

In other news, Chloe had gotten really sick but is home now, and feeling much much better. No really, she told me so herself. And she farted last night when she was sleeping next to me. Thats when I knew she was feeling just dandy.

It's 11:30 and I'm hungry and feelin feisty.....hmm...

Hope you have a good one! :]

-J

Welcome, my child

Megan Fox is a lesbian. Okay, I've never been a huge fan of Megan Fox. She looked a little off in Transformers. She has a nice bod, I'll give her that, but there is something about her face. Something like, she'd be kind of a bitch and never share the last bite, and would talk during movies. And that kind of turns me off. But that doesn't mean I gotta look at her face, does it? Heh.

But I am happy to announce, that Megan Fox has a lesbian Russian stripper girlfriend. Kudos for the stripper girlfriend, and many more kudos and beyond for her being Russian. Jesus, I wonder who tops? I doubt it's Megan. I don't think any Russian woman could ever bottom. But as long as there is woman on woman sex goin on, all power to them.







thats right, just let that marinate for a while.

yum.
e.

happy tuesday!

-J

Jess' Picks

viral vid:
Douche Off


music vid:


lesbian vid:

Okay

If I hear another story about animal abuse or animal cruelty, I swear to everything that is holy and on my father's grave I will track down whoever is responsible and beat the every loving shit out of them. I posted a bulletin on myspace about a dog that was taken off the streets and then chained to the wall and starved to death in the name of "art". *ahem* That is not art. The artist says that the dog would have died anyways, but in my mind he had no right to play god. There is no telling that someone would have taken that dog in and gave it a home and a LIFE. Or that he would have found a dumpster and stayed alive a little longer. The point is the same suffering the artist claims he was talking about was the same exact suffering he put that dog through. And the sad thing the artist could have made a difference and saved the life of that dog. If thats not enough, written on the walls in DOG FOOD were sayings. And people just sat around and watched this dog die.

So as you can tell I was pretty disgusted by this, me being a dog owner. Well no, fuck that, I was disgusted by this being a HUMAN BEING WHO VALUES LIFE; especially the lives of helpless animals and humans. So I open up the aol homepage today to get a scoop on the latest headlines and I come across this:

Click here

Here is a story of 360 animals that were living in conditions that were not even fit to be lived in. They found 15 animals dead on the property. This is what I have to say.

IF YOU CANNOT TAKE CARE OF AN ANIMAL AND LOVE IT, DO NOT FUCKING OWN ONE!


With that being said, I say we all hold back on that extra round at the bar, skip eating out a couple times a month, and send that money to organizations that can make a difference for helpless animals such as the ones you can read about above. That is what I am going to do. IF you would like to help check out the link below:

Click here if you would like to make a difference

In other news, its hump day! Middle of the week, Wednesday, half way through, so enjoy!










-J

Caricature

I'm stepping up and looking around. Ignorant for the idea of me, less evolved then I suppose I claim to be. Learning every step of the way, holding to the thought of it all. Usually a doll sitting on a shelf, going through the movements. Carefully trained maneuvers, panicked steps, loose lips, and dancing to the beat. Of this heart beating and bleeding in my chest. Suppose sometimes def to the rhythm of the music and noise around. New to being me, new to the world I claim as mine, praying I find some solace in the things and people I hold dear. Reaching out and finding myself. Looking within and finding the same face I saw when I was 17. I lost a part of myself. That part of my heart is closed down. Under construction. No one can touch, no one can see, feeling anything here is not permitted. I'm exactly where I am supposed to be but some how out of touch. Opening the other parts of my heart to new things, hoping its not damaged. Irrecoverable. That can't happen. Don't want to close that god damn door. Want to keep it open. To the things and feelings I could never hope to imagine could happen. The things I don't want to dream up for myself. The things that are so much sweeter unexpected. I'm going to stop myself from chiming in now. What a glamorous caricature.

My first laugh of the day...

Word.

Happy sunday, ya'll. For those of you who actually still read this damn thing. lol...

Also a close family friend of mine died this morning at 6 am in Sunnyvale, CA. Just a reminder, life's too short. So love and let love, and remind yourself what a blessing it is to have awesome people in your life that shake and move the ground you walk on.

Cheers,
-J

A song for the ladies...

Made by Terra, special, for the launch of Interlude.



Hot.

- J

Meh.

Oh and, this is for "anonymous". You know who you are.



Yeah, go 'head, make fun of dave again...

*evil laugh*

-J

This Makes Me Sick

I wish these two would cease to exist. I cannot, repeat, cannot go another day seeing pictures of these two. I hate them so much. I am so overwhelmed that I think I might cry. Seriously. He is the biggest douche bag I have ever seen. And I have seen so many. And Heidi is also a douche. Normally I reserve the term "whore bag" for chicks who are douche bags, but she is not even a whore bag. She too is a douche. Jesus Christ, this hurts to even put these pictures up...

Douche bags with bunny ears





Throwing up signs like this, I hope they get shot.





I don't care who you are. No one is this fucking happy when they are ice skating. Not even Tonya Harding. You spend most the time dodging little kids, elbowing people and falling on your ass. And I don't believe for one second that she knows how to skate. I hope she fell on her face.





Eat.Shit.





Just stop it.





Okay, I know that this is what these two do. They get paid to eat, shit , sleep and breathe behind the camera. But do they ever get sick of being fake? And how great is their relationship. They are just doing this shit to say they have done it. They are not really enjoying it.

Most of all, I can't stand the sight of them. I haven't seen a single picture where they are not happy. I wonder if the money is really worth it? Money makes things a lot easier, but it doesn't buy happiness. It can buy a lot of cheese, but cheese wont hold your hand at night when you sleep. Believe me, I've tried. And if you have someone who holds your hand, and takes care of you, and loves you, don't let them go. Life's too short to be unhappy.

Wow, what a speech. Anywho, these two suck. End of story.

Happy HUMP day. Which is referencing a day of the week, not a sexual act. *ahem*

PS. Chloe says hi!








-J

If you don't like dave, i dont give a shit. i do. :]

No, I'm a Bigger Whore

Remember the good 'ol days when Christina Aguilera and Britney Spears would duke it out on who was the biggest whore? I miss that more than cold ice cream on a hot summers day when I was a kid. Ahhh, days spent frolicking in the wheat fields, countless hours spent choreographing routines so that every dance move resembled a sexual act, slipping Madonna the tongue, thousands and thousands of pelvic thrusts, fucking ex cast members of the Mickey Mouse club, and not washing their hair for weeks upon end to give it the "I'm so hot, i have freshly fucked dirty hair but its still cute, but not so cute that it takes attention off my boobs and ass" look. You know, days when a girl could just be a girl. Memories.

But really, for a while there, it seemed that Britney Spears was on top. Grabbing the bull by the horns and riding it like it was Ron Jeremy. Oh god, Ron Jeremy. Sexy beast [note: sarcasm].
And poor Christina Aguilera was like, "Hey, I was on Mickey Mouse club too! What about me!" *stands in background, legs spread shoulder width apart, hands behind head, slowly thrusting hips*. Yeah it was a sad life for Christina. But then she started slutting it up a bit. And it got her on the map. But I wonder how she feels today. She must be walking around with a perma-grin. She has this husband [*cough*douche bag*cough*], new baby, and new fantastic boobs thanks to the miracle of bringing a life into the world [thanks Jordan for ditching the rubber and knockin' her up, 'cause those funbags are flawless].

And here's Britney Spears, total nut case, acting a fool. Showing up to film TV guest appearances, for the only good two hours of the day that she's riding high on all the Prozac, to prove shes still normal. And as soon as she comes down, she shaves her head, and beats the shit out of SUV's with an umbrella. Christina must be relishing in it. Brava, Aguilera, go 'head giiiiirl. PS. Christina, I'm an excellent, [repeat], excellent stay at home nanny. I'll massage your breasts to get the milk flowing, and even check your nipples for sensitivity. I put your needs first. I'm just that kind of gal. Selfless.

In other news:
- Akshay bought Chloe a shirt that says: "Have you seen my pants?!", Hilarious, 'cause dogs don't wear pants, but also sad, 'cause that shirt implies my dog's a whore.
- I haven't eaten macaroni and cheese in like weeks. I'm past the withdrawal stage.
- I feel like a terrible lesbian because I haven't seen Wanted with Angelina yet. Oh well, I'll wait to watch her veiny arms and voluptuous lips on DVD.
- I signed up for school. I fuckin hate it.
- I want to make a video of my GF entitled "My girlfriend says the darnedest things". The following is just one example of why: I sent a text to her saying, "It's so hot, I can't read anymore. I'm sweating like a whore in church". She replies: "thats why I don't go to church." Touche. That's my girl.

Okay nuff of this nonense, get back to life. I'll get back to mine, and we'll reconvene, say....a couple days from now? Good deal, you bring the mandarin vodka and cheese, and I'll bring my self and my charisma.

:]

-J

This Sounds Just Right...

Good, good time tonight
Don’t it sometimes feel as if the world is turned upside down
And you’re standing on the edge
Trying to make the most of this
Kind of makes you feel heavy
Don’t it sometimes feel like you’ve got too much to bear
Well lay it at the door my friend
Come inside, and lets have a good, good…
Good, good time tonight
Try to forget it all
Cause it’ll still be there tomorrow
You can be sure
It’ll still be there for us all
Let’s have a good, good time tonight…
That’s what I preach
You can leave your problems
Aw, we’ll come back to teach about the fun that lies in a good, good time
Close your eyes, take it up, take it up
Leave it behind, leave it behind
Dance the night away
Till we hit the bottom of this bottle
Roll it up, roll up another one
And let’s have a good, good time tonight…