RandomSlant

LOL

2009-11-21T18:23:00.000-08:00

So good. ;] January.

- J

This is for GROWN FOLKS

2009-11-11T20:41:00.000-08:00

....specifically, grown lesbians.

Don't like two hot chicks? Don't watch. Its that ~~nipple~~ simple.

Cigar Rolling - Watch more Funny Videos

A little *food for thought*

- J

Someone like you...

2009-11-08T21:45:00.000-08:00

I want something to move me. I want something to move like me like my favorite acoustic song. I have so much to give, so much to contribute, but yet I feel so fruitless. No outlet. My biggest worry is settling into something in this life that leaves me unfulfilled. Something that leaves me feeling like I've given less than my potential. Too much passion moves me. Too much feeling dictates my every move; my every thought. What is my calling? I don't know.

Birthday is coming up. The "big" 25. What has become of me? What have I seen? I've experienced plenty. I've created memories. I've made friends, and through the years have learned who I can turn to. But never in my life do I want to become stagnant. I never want to feel as though I'm living day to day. I want to make something of myself. Even if it is someone small. I want to be somebody.

I feel as though I have all this energy locked inside of me with no outlet. I write, and I write. I draw and I draw. I go throughout my day with lyrics flowing through my head, but what do I do with them? Is it ever enough to make a living? Is making a living ever better than becoming someone?

Unfortunately in this day there are bills to be paid. Money is needed to keep you going, but what about becoming something you've always dreamed of? Am I doing it all in enough time? Sure, I could pick something. I could settle into a career, anything of my choice. But am I really becoming someone special? I've this creative energy that I don't know what to do with. I guess I don't have the balls enough to follow my dreams. That car insurance, that rent wont pay itself if I write some lyrics or draw something.

Where do I go from here? I don't know. Where am I going? I don't know. The "self-help" section at Borders wont help. I envy those who have followed their hearts to create realities of their dreams.

Hahaha...

Sooo goooood...

- J

Mac and cheese....

2009-10-21T23:41:00.000-07:00

I LOVE IT. That's all.

I just love it. And this is how I eat it...except MUCH faster because I have better hand mouth coordination....

This kid has the right fuckin' idea.

Signing off...

- J

F*ck homework...I'm checking out music online

2009-10-16T21:30:00.000-07:00

Yeah, I said it. It's Friday night and I deserve to let my hair down a lil bit. So this is what I did: I cloesd my book and opened iTunes. AND guess what I came across....Tegan and Sara, their new album SAINTHOOD releases October 27th...that's just around the corner! Guess what I did? I pre-ordered it. Yes I did. An' another thing...Sara is fucking hot. I mean, I know all my fellow lezzies out there totally swoon over Tegan, but I think Sara is hotter. They swoon over Tegan like the Japanese swoon over David-fucking-Hasselhoff.

And in my online travels of trying to find the ridiculous picture above...I find out Germany ALSO has a thing for the Hoff! Unbelievable. What is it with this guy.

So good. Anyways, lets get back to Sara. The picture below says it alllllllllllll.

Yup. That JUST happened. I was searching for their songs on youtube and you can find about half of the album on there because they have been playing the songs live. Obviously the sound quality is crap, but you can still get a sneak peek :] As I was looking for songs, I came across one that rocked.my.socks. Go ahead....let this marinate for a second:

Okay, enough of this shizzz. I am off to do homework, FOR REAL. No more blogging. No more browsing online for music. No more hunting down sexay pictures of the Hoff.

Happy Friday everyone!

- J

sets textbooks on fire

2009-10-16T21:19:00.000-07:00

For the record....

Economics is the devil in 'useless-knowledge-crap-I'll-never-fucking-use-again' form.

AND yes, it's Friday night and I'm doing homework.

the.end.

- J

I'm telling you...

2009-10-14T20:54:00.000-07:00

Every curve I take slowly. I want to remember your ride. Turn my head with slight. To get a quick glimpse of those eyes. Such delicately planned words from inside. Twist and fumble their way out. Hands accelerating with ease. Pleased to tease. Buckle up and weaken those knees. By now a thousand times she said. The things I've only read. Or perhaps heard about. She said. The things I'd never dreamed up or believed could be. She said so with foreign lips that slip, trip and stir up me. Sparked a romance. Her smile, over the shoulder. Oh, that upward glance. That one day, from down there, in front of, that place. Where our hearts raced. Drove away, and haven't been back. But how I revisit again and again. Oh, I'm telling you, I've told you but still...I've got to say it again. To you, for you, so you see, just how I do.....I love you...

Love, Me

Just one of them days

2009-10-09T18:42:00.000-07:00

I'm having a day. I don't know why. And it's days like these that I think to myself, "you are such a girl!" Mood swings. Spontaneous bouts of loneliness, totally lame. Wanting to turn off my phone to the whole world except for ONE person. Disconnect you know? I don't want to see anyone or talk to anyone because I don't want them to get my bad mojo. Who knows. And I'll take this time to thank God for making me a woman. That was said packed full with sarcasm.

Why couldn't I be a guy and be completely void of these feelings? Just sit there, scratch my nuts and watch a football game; completely content with my fuzzy balls and my beer. Actually no, I'd hate to be a guy. Cuz then I'd have to be macho and prove to the world my manliness. I'd have to buy a REALLY big truck and rev it really loud. I'd have to know how to do everything my WAY and ONLY my way. Eh, I'd have to have a penis. You can't "scissor" with a penis. LOL.

So this song cheered me up today. Mostly because it's how I feel today.

Who remembers that song?! SO gooood. Classic Macy Gray. Well most of her shit is classic cuz she hasn't come out with anything else.

Hope everyone has a wonderful Friday night. I'm off to do something with myself.

Um. That sounded bad. Kinda perverted...but what I meant was, I am going to go do something to distract myself.

Okay, still sounds perverted. Is it just me? LOL.

Niiiighty,
- J

Randoms

2009-10-08T20:21:00.000-07:00

First off, Chloe is adorable. But. And I seriously mean but, I don't know why her breath smells like Taco Bell. I swear to god, it smells like a ground beef crunchy taco. I wonder what she got into today. Either way, I am seriously thinking of finding a Taco Bell and getting some food.

I've had a lot of ideas for blogs lately, but I can't get to a computer soon enough to get all my ideas out and into good form. AND by the end of the day, I've forgotten most of my ideas. I think I might buy one of those little recorders that I can carry around all day. You know those ones that newspaper journalists carry around? Like: "October 8th....3 o'clock....focusing on my surrounding elements...Chloe's breath, it smells...it smells of something delicious. Something meaty. Something that would only cost 99 cents. Something that would give me cellulite if I had too much." Yeah, one of those. It would definitely allow me to get all my ideas out but I guarantee I would use it for something inappropriate. I'd probably end up recording fake sex noises and then crank calling people with it. Like call one of my friends...play the noise....hang up...and then text them "Whoops sorry, didn't mean to call you". Leave it to me to do some stupid shit like that.

I was checking my stat counter today, and it's hilarious the things that people search for that land them on my page. I've gone through and highlighted some of my favorites so here is the list:

6	18.75%	who killed jenny schecter
5	15.63%	t-shirt killes jenny c.
2	6.25%	best looking muschi
1	3.13%	sarah shahi y brandon boyd
1	3.13%	random slanting
1	3.13%	vagina lift pic
1	3.13%	what to do if you swallow purell
1	3.13%	mario bros family
1	3.13%	who killes jenny
1	3.13%	who killed jenny shirt
1	3.13%	hört auf deutsch zu reden
1	3.13%	giant vagina
1	3.13%	what is the purpose for having a vagina lift
1	3.13%	i killed jenny schecter t-shirt
1	3.13%	how killed jenny schecter
1	3.13%	who kills jenny schecter
1	3.13%	youtube jescas88
1	3.13%	who killed jenny?
1	3.13%	vagaina lift
1	3.13%	pop my cherry video
1	3.13%	tegan and sara tater tot casserole recipe
1	3.13%	i'm just sayin family guy

I love that the people looking for these things ended up on MY BLOG. And who was looking for me on youtube?! So good! I bet they wished I had some videos. I don't think I do though. Another favorite is someone searched for "giant vagina" and found my blog. I mean, giant vagina??? I would really appreciate it, if we all could keep the name calling to a minimum. I mean, it's true, I am...but you can call me Jess. Or....Jface. Or Jmoney. Hell you can even call me the "undeniably beautiful all holy virginal one". I mean, whatever floats your boat...I'm *down*.

Speaking of being down [<----I mean this in a totally non-sexual way, you pervs] I haven't been down lately AT ALL. I've been so very....so very...how do I put it...."la-la-la". I swear to all that is holy above, I am like one step away from skipping and whistling everywhere i go. That's just how happy I am. If anyone wants to borrow any money from me, now is the time to ask, because I am in such a good mood all of the time I probably wouldn't say no. I know just who to thank for that :) [FYI I totally meant that in a sexual way. I was lyin through my teeth when I said that I didn't. Haha]

In other news. I hate that whole Twilight thing going on. It's nonsense. AND I HATE Harry Potter. These books aren't teaching our youth...these young impressionable minds anything about the real life. You can't just wave a fuckin stick in the air to get yourself out of a jam. You think some chick who got knocked up can pick up a ruler and suddenly have all her troubles go away? No. That stick wont drive her ass down to Planned Parenthood to wait in line for six hours for a check up. That stick won't give her a ride to the unemployment office so she can suck on the good ole American tit for free, and then come to find out she really used that money to get a mani-pedi, a pack of marlbros and a box of wine. And that stick sure as hell wont keep her baby daddy around. I'm just sayin'. ( I have no clue where that came from) :)

Also, you know what else I hate? Yellow smiley faces, people who don't use their blinker correctly, the fact that my car is ALWAYS DIRTY (I wash that damn thing all the time!), loud motor cycles, onions, Dennis Leary....and penis. Those are just a few things. Believe me. That last thing is a big one though.

Eck.

I'm off to do a myspace survey. Geez those are soooooooo 2005.

- J

Just thinking out loud

2009-10-07T22:27:00.000-07:00

I sat at home tonight going through myspace doing a little "spring cleaning". I mean, it's important to do. It's right up there with paying the bills, going to work and saving the world. Seriously. I started reading old blogs and seeing old pictures and it is just MIND blowing to see the "old" me. So naive, so young, so fresh...and so clean clean. But in all seriousness, its shocking the natural progression of things. You can try and fight it, you can try to resist and push your life down this road you feel is the one you want to take. Unfortunately, at the end of the day if it wasn't supposed to go down that road, it simply won't. The only thing you can guarantee is a lot more heartache along the way. So why not just let things happen naturally? I suppose if we all just let things happen naturally, we wouldn't feel anguish, sadness and therefore never able to appreciate all the good things life has to offer.

I've realized that when I just sit back and let my hands off the wheel, I end up on the right road. I mean this metaphorically of course. I promise I don't just go around driving my car without any hands. Look ma! No hands!

I think that if we experience true heartache, like real heartache, I don't see it as our hearts getting weaker. I see it as our hearts growing stronger. I mean I have felt anguish and heartbreak before but I feel so impermeable to it now. It may have hurt at the time, but I've learned and moved on quickly. I guess its like when you catch your hand on the curling iron or something. You saw it coming, ouch it sucked, but eh, whatever.

I've had so many thoughts running through my head lately they come at me at the most random moments. Waiting in line at Starbucks. The lady asks my order and I am like "Yeah, I can't believe where I am today. I mean, how things have happened so naturally. Things progressed so perfectly without me trying. Things were harder when I forced everything. You know?" Then the lady was like, "Um. Okay. Would you like coffee?"

Okay I didn't really say all that, but you get the idea. Buying cigarettes, driving down the road, listening to music at home, I've been feeling ooodles of inspiration. I wonder what it means? Am I bored? Am I happy? Am I content?

Who fucking cares. Ha. This is what I DO know. I am living and loving hard right now. And I've never been so excited about my future. I am looking forward to so many firsts, and I am lucky to have someone right by my side who is my unconditional.....everything. It's the best way to describe her. My unconditional friend, my unconditional inspiration, my unconditional love. And she's so beautiful, she could wear a chicken suit and she'd be stunning. I do not lie.

I speak only truth :] So here's to navigating through life with no hands; feeling and loving every bump along the way.

For my unconditional everything:

K, nuff of this...it's time for some L Word. :]

- J

Damn baby...

2009-09-28T21:52:00.000-07:00

You frustrate me
I know you're mine
All mine, all mine
But you look so good it hurts sometimes...
<3

Who remembers THAT song?! That's a throw back to like, 2001! Good ole John Mayer before he became a douche bag and when his music was actually GOOD. So many artists were actually really good ARTISTS at one point long ago. Lyrically and musically. Oh how times have changed.

I am so freakin sick. But that's okay. I am broke and still buying music on itunes. Lol. Drinking cofee and I shouldn't cuz I have a sore throat. I can't seem to do what's right, oh well :]

I don't have much to report, but maybe in a few days I will. But until then, just let your ears enjoy these songs:

Citizen Cope - Sideways

Fiona Apple - Never is a Promise

Tegan and Sara - Umbrella Cover

Alright, off to bed. G'nite world

- J

Bareboned and crazy...for you

2009-09-21T22:00:00.000-07:00

Okay I start this post with a disclaimer: I'm crazy. Just an FYI. Crazy for someone. I mean seriously, if you don't want to hear about it please don't read any further.

But really? I walk all day with this stupid grin on my face. And I love it. People tell me I am glowing...and I can't help but giggle. I honestly have never been so happy. I haven't even thought about any of that stupid shit that normally trips people up. Like, does she like me back? What happens if? What about her ex's? Will she like my mom? Does she like cheese as much as I do? If not, then can she tolerate my addiction? I mean nothing. Everything has felt right.

I am beginning to listen to my gut. My gut is telling me to react like I just won the lottery. Just enjoy. Don't ask why, or what if, just enjoy. And I am.

And why is it that every song I listen to seems like it was written from me to her??? Seriously. Okay most don't like Dave Matthews. But I personally love him. Every song I listen to describes exactly how I feel when she looks my way, smiles my way, reaches for my hand or kisses me on the side of my cheek.

It's all so cliche and "movie moment" but...its just how it is. Fuck, I don't even know where I am going with this. Open letter to myself, bla bla bla. Really hope that no one is reading this. Geez.

So here's a song...and I am adding it because I love this video and want to be able to easily come back to it if i want to watch it. Lol.

This is Dave Matthews' Crash Into Me. I can't embed, but here is the link. Those of you who don't like him, suck it, lie to me and tell me you love him. What I don't know wont hurt me ;]

From me, to her

Come this December I am going to Germany! That's right. Jessica does Germany. I am going to walk around with a camera around my neck, a map in my hand and a leather fanny pack. Snapping pictures and having conversations like this:

Random person: "Guten morgen!"
Me: "Nein"
Random person: "Was?"
Me: "Muschi"
Random person: "Muschi???? Ich habe gesagt 'guten morgen'"
Me: "Geburtstag geschlecht"
Random person: "hört auf deutsch zu reden"
Me: "Sehr gut."

That's just a quick snippet of what is to come. Lots of laughs, lots of good times. I am pretty sure I'll get a little drunk while I am there ;]. And I for sure will get lots of her. I can't wait. Christmas in Germany, here I come.

Until then I say to you, "Bis später"

<3
-J

I have no title

2009-09-14T23:16:00.000-07:00

I got nothin'. No title. Just a random post for tonight.

I find it so funny that being tortured and sad makes for much better inspiration than happiness. Maybe it is just me, but when I am sad and down I have SO MUCH more to write about. I suppose it is just how it goes. All I can say when I am happy is, "I am happy". Well, that's what I can say to the world. Its because I can't even begin to articulate how happy I am, so why even try? People wont even begin to understand. I have no problem telling the person who is making happy exactly how I feel though.

I can explain that the I love that little crease where their nose meets their face. And how that spot holds their skins smell. The way their side feels. You know, the spot right in between their ribs and their hips, that little curve, how it feels when I have my arm draped over it at night when we are both sleepy and falling into dreams. How their leg feels when we are laying facing each other, and it hikes itself up to pry my legs apart to rest in between. The feeling of unconditional love that comes when the car is parked, and I get a kiss. Just because we are stopped. And how that love makes me lose myself in depths of them that only I can reach.

But I think that is a little more than people want to hear when they ask...how are you? Maybe I should just print that on a little card. Oh I know, I can laminate it! I look for ANY reason to laminate something. :]

Normally, I don't listen to mainstream R&B hits. I mean they are great for a club, and a good remix is always good. But lately, I am all about them. Cuz they make me think of her. It is ridiculous! I love that kind of love where you look in the mirror and just go..."My god, you are ridiculous. This is crazy. Too good to be true" But it is. Then I remind myself, it's fate.

So if you see me on the freeway you'll see:
1. Windows down
2. Me smoking a Camel No. 9
3. Drinking some sort of Starbucks
4. Stereo playing either of the following: Birthday sex, I know you want me, Meet me halfway, Best I ever had, Be on you, Sex on fire, or any Dave Matthews band song where he sings about love.
5. Me screaming and singing along to any of the above.
6. I may or may not be dancing in my seat.

Just a warning. Don't point and laugh! Just remember....I'm happy! I know, its freakin' ridiculous.

Actually, I kind of did write a lot about happiness. Hmmm...maybe I was wrong ;]

I am RARELY wrong...seriously, but maybe this time I am. Relish it.

Bed time. Well not really bed, but I have someone very important to talk to, and I think she's up now.

Niiiiiight!

- J

I'm just sayin'

2009-09-09T19:29:00.001-07:00

No one, should ever, ever, use the word "chillaxin". Well, it's not even a word. But still. Don't ever use it. Santa isn't real, there is no tooth fairy who leaves you money under your pillow while you sleep, there is never any justified reason to ever wear spandex, "chilaxin" isnt a word, and if you use it, I wont talk to you.

Phew. Feels good to get that off my chest. *giggle*. I said "chest". Lol.

Couldn't find my straightener this morning, didn't have time to find hair product, so therefore, I look like ass. At least I have my Starbucks Doubleshot with Energy + Coffee.

Worked late today and wanted to do my paper but I left my damn book at work! So it's laundry and cleaning my room tonight. Paper will have to wait until tomorrow. Geez, school sucks. *shakes fists in air, and in dramatic tone says* "there's gotta be another way!!!!"

In other news, I have a new favorite song :] Well, when don't I?! Check it:

And I saw the movie 500 Days of Summer with a special someone, and I loved it! If you haven't seen it, then, not cool. You must.

I want you so bad, its my only wish <3

Alright it's off to finish laundry. Everyone have a good night and remember, don't ever use the non-word "chillaxin". I mean it.

- J

The sex pyramid

2009-07-28T19:29:00.000-07:00

Life isnt all fruits and grains and shit....

It should include sex! And all of these kinds...to that I say, please, yes, yes, yes, yes please, I'll have that!

Yes please

Man, this is amazing. This is the best thing I have heard of all day. Now, it's all just a matter of doing it! Hmm, therein lies the problem. :]

I encourage you all to give this a shot. Let me know how it goes for ya!

-J

OC lesbians?! OH my!

2009-07-11T12:19:00.000-07:00

WHY DIDN'T I WATCH THIS?!

Apparently there are some chicks that were on the OC, Marissa and Alex?! They like make out and enjoy each other's company and shit.

Why didn't anyone tell me about this?! You know, I really rely on my lesbian phone tree for things like this. This is what its for!

I blame Arlan. With how much we exchange information about lesbians and lesbian happenings there is no reason this should have happened. But the silver lining is....there's youtube. :] And now we can all watch it!!!!

Just FYI that chick who isn't Mischa Barton, is Olivia Wilde. She is the same chick that is said to spend an awfully a lot of time with Megan Fox. So much that Brian Austin Greendouche has taken a notice.

Yeah, we like her.

You know, rated R lesbianism is cool in movies and on TV [like L Word], but there's something about PG and PG-13 lesbianism that's pretty hot. The clip above, in my opinion is PG-13 lesbianism. Below is a list of some of my favorite PG and PG-13 lez scences, on shows or in films. Heh, what a tease ;]

5. Vicky Christina Barcelona. My girl Scarlett and Penelope Cruz kissing in a dark room. Two things only actually wrong with this: 1. Scene wasn't long enough. 2. I wasn't invited.

4. Calista Flockhart and Lucy Liu on Ally McBeal. I was young, and for some reason, super obsessed with Ally McBeal. Now I know why. Because I was super gay. AND because the show had Portia De Rossi and Lucy Liu. And they were always kissing girls. Hmmm. If only I knew then what I know now. This vid has no sound. But that's okay, we don't need noise. Just watch.

3. Ayiiia from Real World. She's got a shitty attitude. BUT she's hot. So just don't listen to her...just *watch* her do her thing :]. I love Real World Cancun.

2. Lost and Delirious. Piper Perabo is hot. End of story. And this story is beautiful. We were all rooting for Paulie and Tori. This is hands down a classic lezzy film. Again, why wasn't I there?!

1. Spashley from South of Nowhere. Ashley is that hot edgy lez that falls for the christian girl next door surprise dyke. The "N" network recently cancelled this show which was a stupid stupid move. Mostly because I've been sending nasty hate mail, but this just means one less show that could reach audiences and potentially help pave the road to equality. Either way, Ashley is hot, Spencer is hot, and we are reminded of how hot they are together, every epsidoe. Thats why this show is my favorite form of PG lesbianism.

Now, please remember, there is so MUCH MORE. But these are just my top 5 PG and PG-13 lesbian moments. Don't even get me started on the movie Wild Things, Rachel Shelley in ANY sex scene on the L Word, or Lena Headley and Piper Perabo in Imagine Me & You.

Happy Saturday to all ;]

- J

Whoa

2009-06-24T22:09:00.000-07:00

Maybe I'm the only one...but I totally thought this was Madonna...

lol.

- J

So good

2009-06-22T20:36:00.000-07:00

I love cheese. But do I love it THIS much? Hmm...bouncing through my day with the delicious aftertaste of cheetos on my lips? Some would say ew, but to that I say, what a delight!

Oh and on the way home I was listening to some old school Snoop and the lyrics were pretty raunchy. I was thinking to myself, what's with all this nonsense now-a-days about vulgar lyrics and so on...then I realized, its because white people never used to listen to rap music back then!!! Duh! Reminds me of when my dad HATED the idea that I wanted a Boyz II Men cd...ahh yes, Boyz II Men. And the cd I wanted? Their Christmas album. What did he think was going to happen to me listening to their soulful rendition of Noel?! I'd lower my car, throw in some hydraulics and a tiny steering wheel, and wear baggy pants with a red rag hanging out of my back pocket?? Really? Cuz I was gonna do that anyways, with or without the CD.

Also while I'm at it. This is for the silver mitsubishi on the freeway today. The lights on a car that you use to signal...they are also called "indicators". They are actually used to "indicate" to other drivers your desire to change lanes or to exit so you can do so safely. That's right! They're more than just blinky lights. How bout you remember that the next time your car is 3/4 into my lane and you turn it on for about 1 second. I'm sending you the bill for the next set of break pads I need, asshole. Oh and....you're ugly.

Off to watch those awesome trashy VH1 shows I love so much!

- J

One Word

2009-04-22T13:30:00.000-07:00

Gross.

Yum.

Cutest.

Addicting.

Hilarious.

Fun.

Funny.

Brava.

Scrumptilicious.

Twitterdoo

2009-04-14T23:06:00.000-07:00

Looking for backgrounds for my twitter page on google and I came across a website called:

Pimp my twitter.

That's just wrong.

That's all, for now. It's time for some shut eye.

- J

Salad Sexcapade

2009-04-14T18:43:00.000-07:00

I must admit, I make a bangin' salad. Chunks of avacado coupled with ripe roma tomatoes, bountiful eggs, yummy snapea crisps, drizzled with *lite* ranch on a bed of fresh romaine. Next time I'll take a picture. Roll that beautiful bean footage.

Hmm what's new with me. Lets see, besides my amazing salad making skills, I realized I can indeed survive without cable. Our "smartcard" (if it was smart it would have automatically updated via satellite, but whatever, I'm not bitter) expired like, oh I don't know, years ago [3 weeks ago]. Dish is supposed to be sending us a new one...but is it here? No. Did they get a polite call from me asking for assitance? But of course, I'm always a lady. I used phrases like "I got disconnected 3 times already lady!", "I really don't understand why this is so difficult, I just need a smartcard because mine expired forever ago" and "Fine, let me speak to your manager". See? Very polite. Here we are, 15 years later, and I've missed Tough Love, Rock of Love Bus, AND the United States of Tara. Nurse Jackie is starting on Showtime soon, and if I miss that, Dish is getting a rude letter. Okay maybe not "survive" in the traditional sense of the word, but yeah....Dish sucks.

In other news, I just purchased the album "Swoon" by Silversun Puckups. One word: jizz-worthy. Wait, is that two words? Who knows. Whatever.

Okay off to the gym. This entry was short. Bleh.

:]

- J

It's his fault

2009-03-28T18:54:00.000-07:00

So my personal trainer, David Williams, expects me to build him a shrine. He wants me to do this because he enjoys to hear me bitch and complain and crawl along the floor, because I am too damn weak and sore to do anything else. His "super legs" are anything but super. Definitely not "super" at 6:30 in the morning before work. Super would be...lets see...a shmoke and a panacke, a bong and a blitz, or a crepe and a pipe.

This entry is for David.

He rules all.
He is the best.
Everybody hopes to be just like him.
Chuck Norris doesn't have shit on David.

Oh and David's tears cure cancer; too bad he never cries.

So if at anytime over the next couple weeks I am pissing and moaning...don't blame me. Blame him. It's his fault. But hopefully soon, my body will be bangin, and that'll be his fault too!

Happy Saturday to all! I'm off to partake in a little partay tonight for a friend. Be safe, don't drink and drive, and come to the bar and buy me a drink.

- J

Who killed Jenny Schecter?!

2009-03-03T18:35:00.000-08:00

Did you?!

Get the shirts here!

http://ikilledjennyschecter.com/

Out of his mind

2009-02-04T14:41:00.000-08:00

No wonder Christian Bale was so perfect for the American Psycho role. It seems he simply portrayed himself! And not only that, but this totally explains the recent assault charges against him filed by his own family. Well done Christian Bale, well done. You are what I like to call "douchetastic"!

-J

My list

2009-01-02T16:44:00.000-08:00

So most couples have the "freebie list". Such list means if at sometime, for some reason, god decides to be very nice to me, and the following ladies get so drunk, they think I'm Justin Timberlake or Johnny Depp and sleep with me, Diana can't get mad. After careful deliberation, I unveil to you, my celebrity freebie list:

- Kate Hudson

- Eva Mendes

- Pink

- Sarah Shahi

- Scarlett Johansson

People that came very close to being on the list, or might have been kicked off the list include:

- Charlize Theron.
I mean c'mon, yowza. She is truly beautiful, but seems a little too straight for me.

- Piper Perabo
She takes lezzy roles. She does it like its natural. And she looks damn fine doing it. But alas, not everyone can make the list.

- Rachel Shelley
Um. I don't know why she's not on my list. I may have to rethink some things.

Ugh, still sick :[ For christ sake, someone bring me some cheese!

-J

Ah, my hero

2009-01-02T13:26:00.000-08:00

Only veteran comedian Kathy Griffin can make a prostitute blush. For those of you NOT tuning into CNN for watching the ball drop [who really would anyway] this is what went down when someone mistakenly decided to heckle Kathy Griffin.

Brava. I know that people are probably outraged, but I'm sure those people laughed and nodded in agreement when they heard that. Right before they started typing out an outraged email to CNN headquarters.

There is this realness about Kathy Griffin. She is more real than those true life documentaries on MTV about "Head Cheerleader: It's no ra ra ra" or "Douchebag: its not all pooka shell necklaces and tattered abercrombie jeans". It's real life.

Welp I'm sick. I've got me a good ole sinus infection. That's okay, it just gives me a reason to OD on dayquil. Happy new year!

-J

It's the holidays...

2008-11-30T13:56:00.000-08:00

...and its cold! What could we all do to beat the chill? What better way than to heat up the sheets with your better half by getting it on. If you can't stand the holiday's with the fam, why not sneak off to a coat closet and do a little "hope-we-dont-get-caught sex". It'll burn calories AND make that dreaded holiday party go by fast.

I was reading aol and they had a great list of types of sex every couple should enjoy. It'll light sparks, burn calories, and bring you closer to your partner. So check out the list below, and then tell me how it goes. :]

Make-Up Sex

A passionate argument can lead to some just-as-passionate action between the sheets. Fighting causes dopamine and adrenaline levels to rise, making you and your partner excitable in more ways than one. Every couple faces occasional conflict, and sex after a disagreement can be a great way to get your relationship back on track. "When you're upset with each other, you need to be able to get over it and move on," says Fertel. "Sex changes the momentum after an argument."

Vacation Sex

The two of you may be tucked away in a private room, but the deed can still feel thrillingly public. And those crisp, clean sheets are just begging to be rumpled. Best of all, a vacation can be a great opportunity to re-connect with your partner sexually. "One of the benefits of a vacation should be to renew your sexual intimacy,” Fertel says. If you usually plan every minute of a trip, make sure you schedule time for sex. For example, plan to stay at the hotel until mid-morning or to come right back to your room after dinner for a relaxing night together.

Animalistic Sex

A sense of urgency can turn up the heat in a major way. Being aggressive can be fun and unexpected -- romance with a twist. After all, it's an element of mystery that defines romance. "It's when you don't quite know what to expect," Fertel says. So if you're in the mood, ripping each other's clothes off and skimping on foreplay could be an exciting change of pace.

Comfort Sex

Like meatloaf and mashed potatoes, sometimes you just need something that's simple, familiar and satisfying. It's one way to provide love and support when you or your partner has had a rough day or is feeling down. This is when it might be time to use your favorite stand-by position, one that you and your partner always enjoy. "When it comes to the climax, sometimes it needs to be in a certain way, and that's OK," says Fertel.

Hope-We-Don't-Get-Caught Sex

If you're at a boring party or family gathering, add a little spice to the evening by sneaking away to the spare bedroom. The possibility of getting caught adds a new level of excitement to your sex life and can even give you a reason to look forward to spending the holidays with the in-laws.

Fulfill-Your-Fantasy Sex

Everyone has sexual fantasies, and as long as both you and your partner feel comfortable acting them out, there's no reason you shouldn't try them. "We should be pursuing each other's fantasies, assuming they're appropriate," says Fertel. For example, if your partner has always dreamed of doing the deed on a boat, why not rent one and spend a romantic night at sea? All aboard!

Quickie Sex

If you're pressed for time, don't write off sex just yet -- this is when "the quickie" comes in handy. Just make sure it's something both parties want; an unfulfilling experience for either one of you can foster resentment and, over time, weaken the relationship. When someone says yes to sex when she really means no, "she's not doing him a favor; she's making a mistake," Fertel says. "It will turn her off to him sexually long-term."

Romantic, Sensual Sex

Taking the time savor sex without rushing through it can be luxurious and fulfilling on many levels. Connecting with your partner by taking it slow means you get to enjoy every moment of being together and lets you take advantage of the emotional connection that makes sex better. Whether it takes candles, music or some bubbly, building the mood can provide a major boost between the sheets.

All-Over-the-House Sex

Switching up your lovemaking location can be a great way to inject some spontaneity into a relationship, which in turn can make your partner feel even more desirable. "Spontaneity is beautiful. It's fun and exciting," says Fertel. "Too often, people get into a routine where they have sex at the same time, at the same place." If you and your partner are doing the laundry together, for example, pulling him or her close for a quick rendezvous can be surprising and refreshing. It's good, clean fun -- no detergent required!

Outdoor Sex

You tell your kids to go play outside -- now it's time to practice what you preach! Bringing your sexual escapades outside can be fun and invigorating. If you're camping in a tent or live on a large piece of property, those can be great opportunities to try something new. But to avoid legal problems, it's best to keep your shenanigans private. "The caution is to make sure you're somewhere where you could not be in the public eye," Fertel says. So venture outside to learn more about the birds and the bees.

Position of the Week Sex

Trying out a new position offers the chance to learn more about what brings your partner pleasure. Some positions work better than others for helping a woman orgasm, and experimenting with new ones can give you a better feel for what works -- and what doesn't. Mixing it up keeps sex fresh and prevents it from becoming routine, Fertel says. That makes it more likely you and your partner will keep doing it -- literally.

Marathon Sex

Come rain, snow, sleet or hail, when the weather gets frightful this winter there's no better excuse to spend an entire day in bed. Think of it as Bedroom Olympics. Work together for a common goal, like breaking your record for how many times you can do the horizontal tango in a row. When your sexual energy is finally tapped out, you'll both be exhausted and satisfied.

http://www.tbd.com/group/3/discussion/840790/show

I was also reading on AOL earlier this week that a minister of a large congregation challenged his church goers to try having sex everyday for a week. His thought was to bring sex "back to god" and help stimulate fizzling out marriages. There were tons of responses and I was surprised to see that most couldn't do it for seven days in a row. Geez! You treat it like doing laundry and it'll get boring and un-meaningful, just like laundry.

I think I could definitely take on this challenge. Its a testament to how you want to make your partner feel. You can hold their hand, open doors, actively listen when they talk and make them laugh, but the connection that happens when you prove to them physically they're your number one is something that cant be matched. I feel the kind of love and spark you feel towards a person when its the right one, can't be described in words, and shouldn't be! Taking the time to excite and pleasure your partner shows them how important they are to you deep down and how there isn't anyone out there that can make them feel like you make them feel.

Imagine getting it on under christmas tree lights! Heh, that would be awesome!

Happy holidays,

-J

Sex

2008-11-26T12:53:00.000-08:00

Yup. It's fun, it's homeopathic, and its only boring and lame if you make it boring and lame.

These ladies would agree. And I'm umm...happy they do. Cause two are on my celebrity freebee list :]

Scarlett Johanson:
"Sex in a car. If I were in a really raunchy frame of mind wanting something crazy and kinky, the back seat would be it." -Talking about her sexual fantasy with me in the back of my solara.

Megan Fox:
"I really enjoy having sex, and that's offensive to some people. Women are the quickest to call other women sluts, which is sad. I haven't met a lot of men who've said, 'You like having sex? What a dirty whore you are!' That's because they wish their wives or girlfriends would have more sex with them." - Can I make my list larger? So I can...ya know, have her on it? Even though she is engaged to guy, I'd still give it a whack

Angelina Jolie:
"You're young, you're drunk, you're in bed, you have knives; shit happens..." - I'll take all of that with her, minus the knives.

Kate Hudson [yum]:
"Sexual energy really does drive me. ...My mother's the same as me. My parents always said, 'Sex is the best thing in the world...When you start having it you're going to love it. But it's that much better when you love somebody, so just remember that." - This is hotter than what Angelina, Megan AND Scarlett said. Nom nom nom...

and my favorite...god love her...

Dolly Parton:
"When I have sex with my husband these days, I fantasize I am with someone like Keith Urban or a petite, hot young woman." - H.O.T.

Happy Thanksgiving to all of you!

Be safe!

-J

For all my ravers

2008-11-11T13:35:00.000-08:00

I saw this guy live about 2 years ago at the DC Improv. Really hilarious. His name is Pablo Francisco. He will be rolling through the San Jose Improv this coming New Years. If you have a chance to check him out, he is a must see. If you are broke like me, just watch youtube vids :]

It's Tuesday huh? Damn it. Well for those of you who are in the SF area...Uh Huh Her is performing tonight at the Filmore. What a great venue and what a great freaking band. I would have killed to go to this performance at such a small intimate venue. If you're going, have fun!

The rest of ya'll be safe whatever you do and if you're broke like me, have fun at home!

Haha!

-J

I miss you now

2008-11-03T01:11:00.000-08:00

Its that time again. Called on like an old friend. Consistent and precise, it happens from time and time. The overwhelming urge to see you your face in front of me again. Bright and shiny like I remember. All of you before it all became unglued. I miss you now. Thought I had the strength to make it better, to make it all worth while. For you, I wanted to be. What you needed. Wrapped up in my own world, but selfishly persistent to bring you back to you. The one always there, when no one else could be found. My best friend. Memories trapped in this box I call my mind. You live here. Through my own life, my own drama, my own angst, you've stayed in that little box you now call your home. You live here. And I miss you now. I see those tattoos and I see you. And the face, that always helped me through. It's that time of year. Every year, I shed one less tear. Among millions, hard to think it makes a difference. Hard to think it gets easier. I miss you now. More than ever. And it happens every year. Fall comes along with all of its gray, and sweeps into a bright red heart, pumping so young, and fruitless, unaware of that part of you that is getting me through. Your strength, shot into my heart, with tired, shaky hands. Hard to trust that its for the better. I miss you now. I don't remember the wrinkles of your face, the strength of your hands, the brilliance of your mind. Wish I could rediscover it all again. Because this time I'd take note. I'd let you make your mark on this life I call mine. I'd let you in. Again and again, and not take advantage of the love you shared. I miss you now. And again.

Pop my cherry

2008-10-31T16:48:00.000-07:00

Arlan. On Cherry Bomb on AfterEllen

Check it below:

Lesbian video from AfterEllen.com

Happy Halloween. I'm off to be a fallen (slutty) angel with my girl. Be safe!

-J

Know what I hate...

2008-10-27T14:03:00.000-07:00

People who, as they are drinking water from a water bottle, squeeze the hell out of the water bottle; leaving it in smithereens.

You might as well shotgun a beer and then squish the can with your bare hands and throw it on the floor, really hard.

I'm in a bad mood, and will tolerate no level of doucheyness.

How the hell do you spell doucheyness? Who cares.

That's all I have to say today.

Vote NO

2008-10-23T13:43:00.000-07:00

Okay so my gf is working on a paper for Proposition 8. First off, anyone who would actively go out of their way to work to DENY people the right to be with and marry who they want, they suck. No really. There are people out there, that I can't even swallow how they live their lives. The people they choose to be with. Not to mention religious fanatics that devote their time to putting others down, making impressionable people believe that anyone who is gay is a lesser person "plagued" by their homosexual lifestyle, all in the name of a "god" they call "all loving and all excepting". Is it the duty of "god's" followers to be mindless, soulless servants soldiering his words of love and forgiveness through degrading acts and hateful words upon a group of people through their rose colored glasses and their heterosexual world of privilege?

As I was reading, there are 1,400 privileges, both legally and economically, that heterosexual married couples enjoy and happily take advantage of. Some of the basic ones as "next-of-kin" during hospital visits, inheritance of estate in the absence of a will, domestic abuse situations, joint parent equality, medicare and social security.

I look at it this way, I like human beings that happen to have boobs, a vagina, shaved legs, that smell "heavenly". And straight women, they like human beings with a penis, two dangly things clinging on for the ride, hairy legs and chest, facial hair and that smell like wood shavings and axe body spray. I'm not asking you to sleep with women when I say, "let me love her" and I, by all means, wont be wishing to sleep with men when you say, "let me love him". Because isn't that what we do when we walk down the street and hold our partners hand? We are wearing this invisible sign that says accept me without shoving your morals and values down my throat". And I can promise, I will happily extend the same courtesy to you if you do the same for me.

You know how many douche bags I have seen holding this totally cute chicks hand? I see him turning around, staring at the other chicks, high fiving their buddies cuz they "just tapped that ass" and I look at her and say "you could do better". Just like they look at me and think "you have so much going for you, you could easily find a husband, you could do better". But it's not my place. In no other instance is okay for someone to force their opinions on someone else. If I see an obesely overweight person stuffing their face with endless quarter pounders, ice cream sandwiches and chili cheese fries from outback steakhouse piled high on their plate, it by no means would be okay for me to walk up to them and say, "Jesus Christ, slow down will you. God meant for you to eat healthy, so you can live a long healthy life. Start eating your vegetables". I'd be up shit creek without a raft for sure.

Anywho, point is, vote no on prop 8. And I promise that when I see little hottie with her douche bag boyfriend, I will respect her choice to be with whoever the fuck she wants to be with. Even if his name is Chad and drives a Silverado.

So I when I walk down the street holding my gf's hand, just look at me and smile, cuz I'm happy and that's all that matters. I don't ask you to run around naked supporting it, but I ask you tolerate it, and let me do muh thang.

Alright, 'nuff of the lesbian thing, did you hear Lindsey got kicked off Ugly Better cuz she had a bad attitude? Even though she's muff diving, she's gotta clean up her act and be a good lesbian role model. Cause us lesbians, we hate dicks.

True story.

-J

Gloria Jean's Coffees

2008-10-09T08:37:00.000-07:00

"You can't brew a better bean". Touche, Gloria, touche. I didn't have a clever title for this post, so I just looked at my coffee cup. One thing I can say is, Gloria, my dear, I think there is someone who can brew a better bean. They're called Starbucks or Peets. If you truly brewed a better bean, it'd be called "Glorias". Hate to break it to ya. Truth hurts sometimes. Deal with it.

Man what a week. Yesterday felt like Friday to me. I guess that shows how ready I am for this weekend. I've been laying low these past couple of days, mainly because I have been sick. I went to make some soup last night, but I am all out. Everyone deserves soup when they are sick! But instead I had sunflower seeds...I suppose that explains why I am sick in the first place.

What is with this season though really? It was like freezing during summer months, got hotter during the fall months, and just this morning it was colder than Martha Stewarts vag. I'm wearing an eskimo jacket, like I'm Sarah Palin and living in Alaska. But unlike her, I can't see Russia from my house. But it's because I am sick. I look ridiculous though...I'm holding smoldering coffee, my heater is blasting hot air so hard that the fur on my eskimo jacket is blowing from the wind, and I still have my jacket on...in the lobby. I am a complete and utter baby when I am sick. I like cuddling and watching movies while I eat soup and someone strokes me until I fall asleep.

Heh. I said "stroke". If I were a guy that would be gross. Anywho...

I was watching a show called 30 Days. It's by the guy, Morgan Spurlock, who created that movie Supersize Me. He puts people that really should not be near each other, together for thirty days in an effort for them to gain some insight and broaden their horizons. For example, he put a pro-life advocate with a pro-choice supporter and let them live together and interact for thirty days.

The one I particularly enjoyed was one about same sex parenting. A mormon woman went and stayed with a gay couple that had four adopted children. She argues that no adopted child should grow up in a household with anything other than a male and female parent. First off, she'd be happier as a lesbian. Don't ask why thats relevant, it just is. Secondly, I beg to differ. What about single parent moms and dads? Is she arguing that children being raised by a single mom or a single dad will grow up defective? All that should matter is that the child is being raised in a loving home, where they can grow up, mature and evolve into an adult.

People like this make me sick. She spent the entire show arguing that others tolerate her point and that others accept her point. But yet she can't extend the same courtesy that she is asking for. Screw her. Tell her that the only person that will tolerate her ass, is God, and that's only because he created her. I don't have shit to do with you, and I have no problem takng my hand and slapping her across the face for her narrow minded, idiotic views.

And this is a free country. You are free to feel how you feel and think the way that you do. Where it crosses the line is when people start acting on their views, and forcing them on others. Its as simple as how people make a sandwich. Some like it cold, some like it hot. You can sit there and enjoy your pretentious brie and succulent thinly shaved pepper roast beef, sanGWICH on lightly toasted dutch crunch, with a splash of marzipan, cranberries and aged french dijon mustard. And I will enjoy my heartdy bacon, lettuce and tomato on white with mayo and CHEEEEEESE. I won't ask you for a bite of yours and you don't ask me for a bite of mine. Keep it to yo damn self.

Ugh. Not sure if that made sense, but I am hungry.

My agenda for the day:
- work.
- eat lunch.
- work some more.
- go home.
- wait for my safeway delivery at 7 :]
- unpack groceries
- eat soup
- shower
- crawl into bed with chloeface and watch surfthechannel.com until I fall asleep

Care to join? I could sure use the company...

Tonight's lezzy night in San Jo, don't do anything I wouldn't! That only leaves having sex with men. LOL, enjoy!

-J

Shit...it's only 10:30 :[

Yessss

2008-10-08T18:59:00.000-07:00

Is it just me, or do acoustic versions of songs make you want to pee a little? Guess its just me...watch these while I go to the restroom...

STG - You are the one

Incubus - Summer Romance (Anti-Gravity)

Kerli - Walking on air

Sia - Breathe me
***the end is fucking awesome

Can't say it enough

2008-10-07T14:37:00.001-07:00

Disclaimer: The views expressed in the first two and half minutes of this video are that of the performers themselves, and never has been, has nothing to do with, and never will be the views of one, Jessica Porec.

Just FYI.

If you want to show me your boobs...um...inquire *within*

It's Tuesday. Live, love and laugh. Hard.

Word.

-J

Mario bros. family guy style

2008-10-02T16:53:00.000-07:00

oh yeah, giggity, giggity

That princess is a whore, I tell ya.

Happy lesbian night! And if you are not a lesbian then...happy....

No screw that, why aren't you a lesbian? It's much better, trust me. Trust me.

-J

Just call me Lady McLovin'

2008-10-01T13:44:00.000-07:00

Um...yeah, sure. I mean...ya know, whatever.

That's nice. Nice like freshly baked cookies and kittens.

Happy *hump* day

PS. Anyone up for some UNO?

:]

-J

Don't be a douche

2008-09-26T19:34:00.000-07:00

Vote for Obama.

That's all for now.

-J

Cheese is the new sex

2008-09-24T19:07:00.000-07:00

I love everything about this vid.

Find more videos like this on DigiRomp: lesbian social network for sharing erotic experiences

Check out digiromp ya'll. Go there, and hear and talk about erotic lesbian experiences. What could be better than that?

Glad you asked. Cheese. Cheese would be better than that.

Some randomness:
- I had a drop of something food related (perhaps potatoe salad, perhaps mayo...i dont know, i fuckin ate a lot today) on my left nipple today at work. No one said a fucking thing about it to me. It looked like just my left nipple was lactating. No wonder the DHL driver was extra smiley.
- Ever since Chloe got back from the doctor from being sick she's been uber clingy, as if to say "thank you for taking care of me" and she wants to sleep with me every night. I love it :]
- I slept for almost 12 hours last night. Sleep is the new foreplay.
- Cheese is the new sex.
- I'm broke and still totally happy.

Welp, I'm off to a whole evening of nothing. Lots of Friends, cuddling with Chloe, BSing and laundry. I'll probably be in bed by 9. Yesssss, I can't wait for foreplay!

-J

Vagina lift?

2008-09-23T08:46:00.001-07:00

Um...yeah. You read it right. Apparently, people are having their vagina's, like, all, reconstructed and stuff. They say they are doing it for reasons like: "to make the outside more attractive" and "to reshape it after childbirth".

Lift my vagina please

Hmm...I've heard of back tucks, ass lifts, and ear pinning, but never a vagina lift. My question is, how many people are looking at your vagina that you need to have surgery to make it prettier, you whore?

But really I think my favorite part of the article was the title, "Designer vagina trend 'worrying'". You know I had to click on it.

My point is this: vagina's are beautiful. They're sexy. They make you feel like Christmas morning. They are the cats meow.

And if all you're doing when you're down there is staring at it, you've got a lot to learn.

So put on a bib, pull up a chair and get to work. If you wont, I will *wink wink*

-J

Ain't it grand

2008-09-22T16:58:00.001-07:00

Kinda cool to see two girls crazy about each other. And if they can make each other laugh like this...it's all worth it, huh? I think so. All power to Sam and Linds

Oh and Linds....no bra? Nice. You're such a dyke.

Mmmm

2008-09-18T21:19:00.001-07:00

Im bored. And totally obsessed with the following:

Kerli - Walking on air

Incubus - Anna Molly

Gwen Stefani - Luxurious

Aerosmith - Crazy

She Wants Revenge - Written in Blood
Written in Blood

Lady GaGa - Just Dance

Bleh. Im bored.

Thank you, Mr. Pitt

2008-09-18T10:31:00.000-07:00

Apparently, Mr. Brad Pitt is all about the gay marriage. Pitt donated 100,000 dollars to help the fight to save gay marriage. Pitt said he was surprised that there were not more celebrities helping the battle against proposition 8. I think Angie had a little something to do with this. Usually, when they donate money it is as a couple; as Mr. and Mrs. Pitt. But this time it is just Pitt alone. Hmmm, I wonder if Angie enticed Brad with a new car....or a hummer. And no, not the big SUV. The other kind.

Thats a damn shame, because she's pretty hot. Starting to get a little overrated but, hot is hot...is it not? Speaking of hot....that reminds me...

You know Oprah's gay scale? The one where she says that it is not all just black and white, either gay or straight, but rather that we all have a percentage worth of homosexuality and heterosexuality combined. Well my scale is like 95/5. Meaning 95 percent gay and 5 percent straight. Well Brad pitt is right in there on that 5 percent. There are only 3 men I would go straight for. And they are:

1. Brandon Boyd

yeah....he can go ahead and keep that hat on...

2. Brad Pitt

Gimme gimme more...gimme more...gimme gimme more...please.

3. Sarah Shahi

Shit, how did that get in there. Mmm, who cares.

Oh well, guess its only two guys. Heh. :]

In other news, Chloe had gotten really sick but is home now, and feeling much much better. No really, she told me so herself. And she farted last night when she was sleeping next to me. Thats when I knew she was feeling just dandy.

It's 11:30 and I'm hungry and feelin feisty.....hmm...

Hope you have a good one! :]

-J

Wow, you graduated

2008-09-16T13:49:00.000-07:00

This is Arlan. She's a lesbian. And so am I. We're friends and we talk all the time about lesbian things. Like plaid, home depot, tegan and sara, l word, boobs, redbull and slim jims. She created and runs a magazine called Interlude. And she is on a mission of meeting ten thousand people.

To check out the ten thousand people mission:
Click her nip

To check out Interlude:
Click her other nip

For more of her viral vids:
Sex her up, and don't forget to leave your digits, yo.

Thanks, and have a good day.

You, lesbiana.

-J

Welcome, my child

2008-09-16T10:02:00.000-07:00

Megan Fox is a lesbian. Okay, I've never been a huge fan of Megan Fox. She looked a little off in Transformers. She has a nice bod, I'll give her that, but there is something about her face. Something like, she'd be kind of a bitch and never share the last bite, and would talk during movies. And that kind of turns me off. But that doesn't mean I gotta look at her face, does it? Heh.

But I am happy to announce, that Megan Fox has a lesbian Russian stripper girlfriend. Kudos for the stripper girlfriend, and many more kudos and beyond for her being Russian. Jesus, I wonder who tops? I doubt it's Megan. I don't think any Russian woman could ever bottom. But as long as there is woman on woman sex goin on, all power to them.

thats right, just let that marinate for a while.

yum.
e.

happy tuesday!

-J

Jess' Picks

2008-09-10T12:26:00.000-07:00

viral vid:
Douche Off

music vid:

lesbian vid:

Okay

2008-08-13T10:39:00.001-07:00

If I hear another story about animal abuse or animal cruelty, I swear to everything that is holy and on my father's grave I will track down whoever is responsible and beat the every loving shit out of them. I posted a bulletin on myspace about a dog that was taken off the streets and then chained to the wall and starved to death in the name of "art". *ahem* That is not art. The artist says that the dog would have died anyways, but in my mind he had no right to play god. There is no telling that someone would have taken that dog in and gave it a home and a LIFE. Or that he would have found a dumpster and stayed alive a little longer. The point is the same suffering the artist claims he was talking about was the same exact suffering he put that dog through. And the sad thing the artist could have made a difference and saved the life of that dog. If thats not enough, written on the walls in DOG FOOD were sayings. And people just sat around and watched this dog die.

So as you can tell I was pretty disgusted by this, me being a dog owner. Well no, fuck that, I was disgusted by this being a HUMAN BEING WHO VALUES LIFE; especially the lives of helpless animals and humans. So I open up the aol homepage today to get a scoop on the latest headlines and I come across this:

Click here

Here is a story of 360 animals that were living in conditions that were not even fit to be lived in. They found 15 animals dead on the property. This is what I have to say.

IF YOU CANNOT TAKE CARE OF AN ANIMAL AND LOVE IT, DO NOT FUCKING OWN ONE!

With that being said, I say we all hold back on that extra round at the bar, skip eating out a couple times a month, and send that money to organizations that can make a difference for helpless animals such as the ones you can read about above. That is what I am going to do. IF you would like to help check out the link below:

Click here if you would like to make a difference

In other news, its hump day! Middle of the week, Wednesday, half way through, so enjoy!

-J

Caricature

2008-08-10T15:33:00.000-07:00

I'm stepping up and looking around. Ignorant for the idea of me, less evolved then I suppose I claim to be. Learning every step of the way, holding to the thought of it all. Usually a doll sitting on a shelf, going through the movements. Carefully trained maneuvers, panicked steps, loose lips, and dancing to the beat. Of this heart beating and bleeding in my chest. Suppose sometimes def to the rhythm of the music and noise around. New to being me, new to the world I claim as mine, praying I find some solace in the things and people I hold dear. Reaching out and finding myself. Looking within and finding the same face I saw when I was 17. I lost a part of myself. That part of my heart is closed down. Under construction. No one can touch, no one can see, feeling anything here is not permitted. I'm exactly where I am supposed to be but some how out of touch. Opening the other parts of my heart to new things, hoping its not damaged. Irrecoverable. That can't happen. Don't want to close that god damn door. Want to keep it open. To the things and feelings I could never hope to imagine could happen. The things I don't want to dream up for myself. The things that are so much sweeter unexpected. I'm going to stop myself from chiming in now. What a glamorous caricature.

My first laugh of the day...

2008-08-10T12:58:00.000-07:00

Word.

Happy sunday, ya'll. For those of you who actually still read this damn thing. lol...

Also a close family friend of mine died this morning at 6 am in Sunnyvale, CA. Just a reminder, life's too short. So love and let love, and remind yourself what a blessing it is to have awesome people in your life that shake and move the ground you walk on.

Cheers,
-J

A song for the ladies...

2008-08-06T18:49:00.000-07:00

Made by Terra, special, for the launch of Interlude.

Hot.

- J

Meh.

2008-07-30T11:34:00.000-07:00

Oh and, this is for "anonymous". You know who you are.

Yeah, go 'head, make fun of dave again...

*evil laugh*

-J

This Makes Me Sick

2008-07-30T09:53:00.000-07:00

I wish these two would cease to exist. I cannot, repeat, cannot go another day seeing pictures of these two. I hate them so much. I am so overwhelmed that I think I might cry. Seriously. He is the biggest douche bag I have ever seen. And I have seen so many. And Heidi is also a douche. Normally I reserve the term "whore bag" for chicks who are douche bags, but she is not even a whore bag. She too is a douche. Jesus Christ, this hurts to even put these pictures up...

Douche bags with bunny ears

Throwing up signs like this, I hope they get shot.

I don't care who you are. No one is this fucking happy when they are ice skating. Not even Tonya Harding. You spend most the time dodging little kids, elbowing people and falling on your ass. And I don't believe for one second that she knows how to skate. I hope she fell on her face.

Eat.Shit.

Just stop it.

Okay, I know that this is what these two do. They get paid to eat, shit , sleep and breathe behind the camera. But do they ever get sick of being fake? And how great is their relationship. They are just doing this shit to say they have done it. They are not really enjoying it.

Most of all, I can't stand the sight of them. I haven't seen a single picture where they are not happy. I wonder if the money is really worth it? Money makes things a lot easier, but it doesn't buy happiness. It can buy a lot of cheese, but cheese wont hold your hand at night when you sleep. Believe me, I've tried. And if you have someone who holds your hand, and takes care of you, and loves you, don't let them go. Life's too short to be unhappy.

Wow, what a speech. Anywho, these two suck. End of story.

Happy HUMP day. Which is referencing a day of the week, not a sexual act. *ahem*

PS. Chloe says hi!

-J

2008-07-28T10:58:00.001-07:00

If you don't like dave, i dont give a shit. i do. :]

No, I'm a Bigger Whore

2008-07-17T08:42:00.000-07:00

Remember the good 'ol days when Christina Aguilera and Britney Spears would duke it out on who was the biggest whore? I miss that more than cold ice cream on a hot summers day when I was a kid. Ahhh, days spent frolicking in the wheat fields, countless hours spent choreographing routines so that every dance move resembled a sexual act, slipping Madonna the tongue, thousands and thousands of pelvic thrusts, fucking ex cast members of the Mickey Mouse club, and not washing their hair for weeks upon end to give it the "I'm so hot, i have freshly fucked dirty hair but its still cute, but not so cute that it takes attention off my boobs and ass" look. You know, days when a girl could just be a girl. Memories.

But really, for a while there, it seemed that Britney Spears was on top. Grabbing the bull by the horns and riding it like it was Ron Jeremy. Oh god, Ron Jeremy. Sexy beast [note: sarcasm].
And poor Christina Aguilera was like, "Hey, I was on Mickey Mouse club too! What about me!" *stands in background, legs spread shoulder width apart, hands behind head, slowly thrusting hips*. Yeah it was a sad life for Christina. But then she started slutting it up a bit. And it got her on the map. But I wonder how she feels today. She must be walking around with a perma-grin. She has this husband [*cough*douche bag*cough*], new baby, and new fantastic boobs thanks to the miracle of bringing a life into the world [thanks Jordan for ditching the rubber and knockin' her up, 'cause those funbags are flawless].

And here's Britney Spears, total nut case, acting a fool. Showing up to film TV guest appearances, for the only good two hours of the day that she's riding high on all the Prozac, to prove shes still normal. And as soon as she comes down, she shaves her head, and beats the shit out of SUV's with an umbrella. Christina must be relishing in it. Brava, Aguilera, go 'head giiiiirl. PS. Christina, I'm an excellent, [repeat], excellent stay at home nanny. I'll massage your breasts to get the milk flowing, and even check your nipples for sensitivity. I put your needs first. I'm just that kind of gal. Selfless.

In other news:
- Akshay bought Chloe a shirt that says: "Have you seen my pants?!", Hilarious, 'cause dogs don't wear pants, but also sad, 'cause that shirt implies my dog's a whore.
- I haven't eaten macaroni and cheese in like weeks. I'm past the withdrawal stage.
- I feel like a terrible lesbian because I haven't seen Wanted with Angelina yet. Oh well, I'll wait to watch her veiny arms and voluptuous lips on DVD.
- I signed up for school. I fuckin hate it.
- I want to make a video of my GF entitled "My girlfriend says the darnedest things". The following is just one example of why: I sent a text to her saying, "It's so hot, I can't read anymore. I'm sweating like a whore in church". She replies: "thats why I don't go to church." Touche. That's my girl.

Okay nuff of this nonense, get back to life. I'll get back to mine, and we'll reconvene, say....a couple days from now? Good deal, you bring the mandarin vodka and cheese, and I'll bring my self and my charisma.

:]

-J

This Sounds Just Right...

2008-07-15T17:03:00.000-07:00

Good, good time tonight
Don’t it sometimes feel as if the world is turned upside down
And you’re standing on the edge
Trying to make the most of this
Kind of makes you feel heavy
Don’t it sometimes feel like you’ve got too much to bear
Well lay it at the door my friend
Come inside, and lets have a good, good…
Good, good time tonight
Try to forget it all
Cause it’ll still be there tomorrow
You can be sure
It’ll still be there for us all
Let’s have a good, good time tonight…
That’s what I preach
You can leave your problems
Aw, we’ll come back to teach about the fun that lies in a good, good time
Close your eyes, take it up, take it up
Leave it behind, leave it behind
Dance the night away
Till we hit the bottom of this bottle
Roll it up, roll up another one
And let’s have a good, good time tonight…

Stop the Sting

2008-04-28T12:16:00.000-07:00

I’m learning. Every day that passes I’m learning something new. Who my friends are, who my emotional rocks are, my true inspirations and everyday I am surprised. I’m in a predicament though. In times of high emotion, I always express myself. What I’m thinking, or what that person makes me feel. And in the past, people have taken my feelings toward them for granted. I’m beginning to think that because I express myself more than the average person that it begins to cheapen. And to me that sucks because I mean it every time. It also begins to feel like it is expected. I try to switch it up and express myself in other ways, but even still, I get the same feeling. As though, I’m the one that does that kind of stuff so it’s normal. So when things come up, and the road gets tough, I feel like those things should be remembered. I feel like those things I do when everything is going well, shows my true intentions, and my true feelings for someone. Shouldn’t that be remembered when things get tough? I feel like I set myself up to fail. I try to be on my game as much as possible, and when I slip up, it’s expected that I don’t. So when I do its blasphemy. I’m beginning to feel like I set the bar up too high. I’m having a hard time getting some slack. And I feel like when shit goes on in other people’s lives, I’m the first person to say, oh well they are going through a lot. Maybe I just don’t understand. Is it really my place to always understand? No. I feel like the true testament of love and dedication is not needing a reason to do those things. I try to be tactful when dealing with people, but at times, I just want to say “cut me a little slack, no one is perfect”.

Life’s got me by the balls right now. People closest to me know what’s up but not everyone. I’m struggling more with dealing with this stuff than I thought I would. And because I act all “okay” on the outside it really sucks when those people don’t give me the benefit of the doubt. It makes me want to isolate myself. I don’t feel I need a reason to be quiet, to act a little weird, or in general be down. I swear to god if I could have a fuckin clown pop out of my ass and tell jokes when I am in a mood then I would. At least everyone around me would be entertained and distracted. And that’s really what my problem is. Often times I worry about everyone else and not enough about myself. How do I break that habit without seeming like an asshole to everyone around me? I try to be strong for everyone. I can’t do it when I barely have the strength to navigate my own river ‘o shit. What I really want to tell people is, hop in my canoe, lets paddle through this river together. It will make us stronger. I find that very few people are willing to hop in. Fuck ‘em. I’ll leave them on shore with AH hot dog, no bun, and chocolate and marshmallows and no graham cracker. Let’s see how things go for them then. They’ll be missing me and my grahams. And maybe when I come around with my grahams, they’ll be a little more appreciative when I share. Because that’s what I’m doing when I do those little things; sharing a part of myself, and I don’t do it for just anyone. For the most part people get me most of the time, and for those I say thank you. *bows and hands over all her graham crackers*

In other news, I got a new sidekick! Yay for the sidekick life. It’s the new LX. It’s sleek, it’s sexy and it gets me hot. Well not HOT HOT, but luke warm.

Anywho, lunch time…life time…work time.

-J

Happy Birthday, Love Angel Baby

2008-03-19T17:03:00.000-07:00

The time is right
I'm gonna pack my bags
And take that journey down the road
Cause over the mountain I see the bright sun shining
And I want to live inside the glow
Yeah

I wanna go to a place where I am nothing and everything
That exists between here and nowhere
I wanna go to a place where time has no consequences oh yeah
The sky opens to my prayers

I wanna go to beautiful, beautiful, beautiful,
I wanna go to beautiful, beautiful, beautiful,
I wanna go to beautiful, beautiful, beautiful,
I wanna go to beautiful, beautiful, beautiful,

Please understand
That its not that I don't care
But right now these walls are closing in on me
I love you more than I love life itself
But I need to find a place were I can breathe
I can breathe

I wanna go to a place where I can hold the intangible
And let go of the pain with all my might
I wanna go to a place where I'm suspended on ecstasy
Somewhere between dark and light
Where wrong becomes right

I wanna go to beautiful, beautiful, beautiful,
I wanna go to beautiful, beautiful, beautiful,
I wanna go to beautiful, beautiful, beautiful,
I wanna go to beautiful, beautiful, beautiful

-J

Today is the Greatest....

2008-03-12T10:33:00.000-07:00

The kind of night vision video I like...Heavy eyeliner, moving bodies and the glow of a green light...

So a while ago Akshay and I were discussion food. It all started with him stating that he likes crunchy french fries and I like soft french fries. He said he liked a hard crunchy on the outside quesadilla and I prefer my quesadilla's softer. He enjoys a nice hard cock, and I enjoy...well, a soft, supple....well, you know. We came to the conclusion that your dietary habits speak loudly about your sexual preference. Lesbians like softer foods while gay men enjoy hard stiff foods. So I'm curious to see how many lesbians prefer softer foods to harder foods. It's a stretch, but it was one of many, ridiculous, fantastic conversations. We enjoyed our stoner clarity.

Then to make sure that everything is accurate, I'll need you to prove to me you're gay. And no I don't mean watch Margartet Cho with me, or tell me an Ellen Degeneres joke. I mean like, ~~hard~~ soft eveidence. Like making out with a hot girl. And let me watch. Yeah, that'll do donkey, that'll do.

And if some of you noticed I have not been posting much its because I've been busy! Life's got me by the chi chi's, and as much as I enjoy that sort of thing, it kind of sucks because I don't get as much time to write.

It's back to the daily grind. I wish i were talking about a different kind of grinding...*ahem* like the "naked grinding lesbians" [NOT WORK SAFE] vid.

Lord.

Happy hump day, ya'll. Remember, on hump day, we all have to hump. MMkay pumpkin?

Write that down.

-J

I'm Eating Japanese Beef Jerky

2008-03-06T11:19:00.000-08:00

Okay so truth be told, I wrote a whole freaking post, then hated it and deleted it. Wasteful life. But to be honest, I think I needed to wrap my head [legs] around it, type it out, read it and then be done with it. It kind of felt nice to highlight it and delete it when I was done.

So instead I am posting lyrics. I know, boring life, but hey it’s my own blog. So I can do whatever [whomever] I want. And feel free to read [watch] if you want. Readers [voyeurs] are always welcome.

Run to your dreaming
When you're alone
Unplug the TV, turn off your phone
Get heavy on with digging your ditch

Cause I'm digging a ditch where madness gives a bit
Digging a ditch where silence lives
Digging a ditch for when I'm old
Digging this ditch my story's told

Where all these troubles
That weigh down on me will rise
Run to your dreaming
When you're alone
Where all these questions
Spinnin' around my head
Will die, will die, will die...

Cause I'm digging a ditch where madness gives a bit
Digging a ditch where silence lives
Digging a ditch when I am through
Digging this ditch I'll dig in for you
Where all these worries
Weigh it down on me will rise
Where all these habits that
Pull heavy at my heart
will die

Run to your dreaming
When you're alone
Not what you should be or what you've become
Just get heavy on with digging your ditch

Cause I'm digging a ditch where madness gives a bit
Digging a ditch where silence lives
Where all these dissapointments, grow angry out of me
Will rise...
Will die...

Run to your dreaming
When you're alone
Unplug the TV
And turn off your phone
Get heavy on with digging your ditch

-J

My Lesbian Agenda

2008-02-21T16:35:00.001-08:00

First off, my own personal gay agenda is far from what the republican, homophobic [expletive] *coughasshole’scough* believe the gay agenda is. My *points at self with both hands* own personal gay agenda is all in the name of science. A few weeks ago I saw an article on AOL saying that two female rats made sweet, tender and rough when they needed to be love with each other. The result. A beautiful baby girl. That’s right, two scientists made two girl rats have sex and make a baby without the help of any males or sperm. I’m totally going to ignore the fact that most likely, some douchebage scientist was like “Hey, let’s make two girl rats do it. It’ll be hott.” Whatever. But now, I’ve taken it into my own hands. Without anybody even needing to ask, I have stepped up and made it my personal goal, to have as much sex with a woman as possible to get her pregnant. The results have been astounding. Let me tell you that much. I’m all about making the world a better place, you know? I just want to do my part.

But really, it’s absurd to say that the “gay agenda” is to turn young adults and children into “being gay” as if it were a choice. It’s just as absurd as saying that I’m going to eat your baby, screw a goat, or watch El Cantante with J Lo and Marc Anthony. Fuck off with that. I will absolutely NOT watch El Cantante with J Lo and Marc Anthony. In fact, I am taking PRO ACTIVE steps to make sure that they never ever share the big screen again. If they wanna make movies, let’s keep it with a camcorder, in the bedroom, on a sex swing, bound and gagged like the rest of America. I mean, really.

If educating people about the homosexual lifestyle is really a means to turn someone gay, then I argue that teaching drug prevention promotes doing drugs, or educating people about alcohol abuse promotes alcoholism. What is sad is that the very same country that claims to send the message that we are all free to be ourselves, to learn, live and love equally shoulder to shoulder with everyone, is completely shifting focus off the real point. I’m not saying I’m surprised. I mean our government, in this country, lying to us?! NO way! Our government? The same government that screws us three ways from Sunday and isn’t even kind enough to give us a reach around?! Fuckin’ say it ain’t so.

What the real goal is to teach awareness. To teach diversity and tolerance. America is one huge melting pot orgy. We have to learn how to live with each other, tolerate each other, and respect the fact that we share different thoughts, morals, and most importantly, lifestyles. Just like, say, you might want to watch El Cantante. I mean, I can piss and moan, and explain to you that the movie will be so bad it will hurt you and make you cry, but at the end of the day it’s your choice. Depends on if you want to be a rebel that day or not. I have to respect that. I mean, me being gay I am just asking that people treat me no differently than your average Marc Anthony, respect my lifestyle and respect who I am and understand it is not something I stumbled upon. And by no means is it “an easy way out”. In fact I must be pretty strong in my convictions to deal with the harsh reality of what it entails to be gay.

Because really, who would “choose” this life? With this “decision” comes knowing that you will not be as welcomed anymore, the possibility that loved ones in your life will no longer accept you, the chance that a complete stranger will choose to harass you or harm you based solely on who you are holding hands with, the ridiculous notion that you’ll be attracted and oogle over ANYONE of your same sex. Pfft. Yeah, right, some people can be so self righteous. Just because I make out with women, does NOT mean just because you are not a man, I want you. This is not true. I’m just as picky and bitchy as I was before when I was dating men thank you oh so very much. I look at it this way, me asking for your acceptance is not me asking YOU (meaning straight people) to get at a chick. I’m not forcing you to take on a stone butch…although you might want to think about it, they’ll tear your shit up. True story.

So on that note I say, love who you will, move ahead, take care of yourself, family and loved ones, and remember, that fate is a bitch. The more you hate in this life, the more you’ll be hated in the next. And lets hope to god Elton John isn’t ruling the place, or you’ll probably find a nice hard cock up your bum for eternity.

Tough life.

As for me, I love life. Life is being good to me. I’m grateful.

So grateful, Im thinking of renting El Cantante.

Bahaha. What a joke. I will not.

-J

Not Sad Life, Akshay Trim Your Fucking Tree, What the Fuck Daisy

2008-02-01T10:26:00.000-08:00

January 31, 2008 @ 12:44 pm
Akshay via email:
“Senator, you're no Jack Kennedy. We have to over-use this phrase today I effin love it”

Same day @ 1:06pm
Akshay via text:
“I feel like playing a sport”

Same day @ 1:42pm
Akshay via text:
“may your undies molest u today (but only in a good way…)”

Same day @ 8:00pm
Akshay via text:
“Keys in mail box. Shoes on nightstand. Francisco at home. Call you at 10.”

February 1, 2008 @ 10:11am
Me to Akshay via email:
***note: 41 post street is a dive bar called Macs.
“omg...i dropped down to 17 dollars in my account. hahaha. hilarious. my statement is like 41 post st, 41 post st, cheesecake factory, 41 post st, chevron, rock bottom, 41 post st, shell, 41 post st, 41 post st, overdraft charge...

omg, love life.”

Akshay back:
“LOL! We should get miles for 41 Post Street. Let's save up three thousand dollars and move to a 3rd world country. 1000 to get there, 1000 to live our entire life there and 1000 to come back when we get sick of it. We'll live the idyllic life. I'm thinking Guyana, they speak English and it's the Caribbean. So we get the beach and don't have to deal with all the ethnic BS”

Me back:
“hahah i love how you are planning out our lives and im loving it. can i post this on my blog?”

Akshay back:
“Absolutely, my pearls of wisdom are in the public domain, so publish away... just take off my phone number and address one stalker is all I need ;) lol I really should think about what it is to be modest.”

Keeping it random. Even with friends in real life. He's a keeper.

Love life, right now.

Peanut Butter Jelly Time

2008-01-30T16:41:00.000-08:00

1.Your ex is on the side of the road, on fire. What do you do?
Call AAA. Let em roast for a little bit.

2.Your best friend tells you she is pregnant. What is your reaction?
You know, you could’ve just blown the guy.

3.When is the last time you wanted to punch someone in their face?
Haha, you said “face”. I think the better question is, when do I not want to punch someone on their face. There are a lot of assholes out there. The last time was today. I was at a deli getting lunches for a meeting. At this deli there are numbers for you to pull to wait in line. This douche bag traipses in like he’s some fuckin’ Casanova ready to swoon the store clerk who is reorganizing all the tasty treats. Never mind that the store clerk was a guy. Whatever. He walks right up to the front of the counter and pretends that no one else exists. And totally ignores the fact that people are holding little blue tickets and numbers are being called. I wanted to scuff his ridiculously white Nike’s and then write him a rude letter where at some point, I call him a douche bag and his mom a whore. I don’t know…something to make him cry and rethink those white Nikes.

4.Congratulations! You just had a son. What's his name?
”Amillionbucks”. Cuz somehow a woman got me pregnant.

5.Congratulations! You just had a daughter. What's her name?
”holyshitim’awhore”

6.What are you craving right now?
Jimboy’s Mexican food. Cuz it’s the shit. And it has a drive through.

7.What was the last thing you cried about?

8.When you buy something and your change is a penny. Do you keep it?
I HATE CHANGE. I gave away 95 cents the other day. To me it is not worth how heavy it is…how you have to fumble through it…how it just like drops and rolls away. And ugh…no.

9.What color is your tissue box?
click it betch

10.Do you have a ceiling fan in your room, and if so, is there dust on that fan?
Are you asking me to take my top off?

11.What is the last voicemail you received about?
Blockbuster kindly [rudely] reminding me to return their damn movies. You know I have a real bone to pick with them. They offer this “no late fee” policy. But they don’t tell you that some angry divorced middle aged women that secretly resents her kids because she has to go to PTA night every Monday, when she would really like to go to lesbian karaoke night with “janet”, is going to call every other day and yell at you to return their movies. You know what, it’s not even worth it. I’ll return the damn movies on time.

12.Scariest thing you've experienced in the last year?
lesbians.

13.what do you order when you go to Taco Bell?
Fuck yes. this is the best question ever. ½ lb cheesy bean and rice burrito with NO SAUCE OR ONIONS, a chicken soft taco SUPREME, and a regular taco. Write that down.

14.Have you ever had a garage sale?
Oh please I’ve got so much junk in my trunk.

15.Has anyone ever spat in your drink and you drank it unknowingly?
I’m not answering this question because you said “spat”. That’s lame.

16.Are you happy right now?
Absolutely. I’m in mint condition.

17.Who came over last?
Ah-Kah-Shay and potato salad.

18.What is your reaction when you find out you just got pranked?
I go “Oh my god….ASHTON….you soooo got me. You jerk. I’m calling Demi…..you ass….oh my god… you got me.”

19.Have your brothers or sisters ever told you that you were adopted?
All the time. I’m an only child, by the way. Maybe if you cared to ask you’d know that.

20.Dark or light jeans?
Like on my floor? Any jean on my floor is good. It just means that whoever is over, is wearing no pants. And we all know what that means…….leg shaving party! Woooo.

21.What was the last movie you watched at home?
The Hills Have Eyes 2 Unrated = stupid.

22.What is in your pocket?
My lip ring. I have to take it out for work.

23.Who hooked you up with your girlfriend/ boyfriend?
I don’t have one. Thanks for reminding me you jack ass.

24.Where do you hurt?
My heart! After question 23, I’m really fuckin sad.

25.What is your favorite aisle at Wal-Mart?
Whatever aisle I can find “cuntchips”. They’re like sunchips, but better.

26.When is your birthday?
November 18th. But feel free to send birthday gifts all year long. Don’t worry if I don’t like them, I’ll sell them on ebay. Along with your card.

27.What are you going to do after this?
Track down some cheese for my face.

28. Who was the last person you went shopping with?
AKSHAY! He’s so fantastic. Why have gay boys if you don’t shop with them?!

29.What about your favorite dessert?
What about it?! Cheesecake. MMM….give me some strawberries

30.Do you have the same name as one of your relatives?
No but can I say for the record, that’s a kind of stupid question, and I expected more. Seriously…

32.Do you like pickles?
I think pickles are the devil’s small bastard children.

33.Is someone in love with you?
I’m not self righteous. I have plenty of that in my life already.

34.What color is your couch?
A deep forest green by day, and hot pink leather by night. *cracks whips and stands with one heel on the couch* Problem?

35.Has anyone ever mistaken you for a family member?
No. But everyone thinks I am Angelina Jolie’s sister. I am like, “Ugh, no I am not, but I will sleep with you. Don’t swing that way? Aw, really. Don’t worry, you will. Let’s go. Shhhhh…just get into this panel van”.

36.Does someone like you right now?
*blush*

37.Do you know anyone in jail / prison?
Again, are you asking me to take my top off? ALRIGHT!

38.Do you like the color green?
Only on your ass *over exaggerated wink* Yes. Yes I do.

39.How many hours did you sleep for last night?
I actually slept A LOT yesterday evening. I was in bed from like 6 on…I just kept chillin in bed watching TV. Harassed some people via text. Called some people…talked on the phone for two hours which was the highlight of my night…Yeah…life’s good.

40.Do you swear at your parents?
What the fuck do you think? No I don’t.

41.Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?
I have an inkling….the lady at taco bell. Cuz I didn’t pay at the drive through. Just kidding…no but really, yeah, I think they are.

Kashi GO Feck Yourself

2008-01-24T13:10:00.000-08:00

I’m kind of on a health kick. Startiiiiiiing...........
.
.
.
.
.
Now.

Well technically, I was on this “health kick” yesterday during the day, buuuuut then Jess went out and had some drinks. I ended my night with water though! Who the hell am I kidding, that doesn’t mean a damn thing. But it is a start.

So I’m on this health kick right? I had a slim fast and this special k, frosted flake, no corn starch, fatty acid, low carb, one-bag-only-contains-5-pieces fantastical snack for breakfast. THEN, cruised over and got some water. Being sure to pass by all the cookies and frosted snack cakes lying around work. And at lunch I had a Cajun chicken tostada salad thing. And now I am chomping on some fruit. That’s good right? I know the day is young, but my goal is to have soup for dinner and be totally full. Doubt it’ll happen. You’ll probably find me at La Vic’s tonight knee deep in cheese quesadilla’s with melted cheese stuck to my cheek.

They say one way to help lose weight and tone up is to keep a diary or a journal of all the things you eat. So I got this little 2008 planner and I have been writing down everything that passes my lips. Well not everything that passes my lips. *stares off while imagination runs wild* Nevermind. But the problem with this journal thing is I’m logging all the awesome food I’m eating and then reading about it later. And I find myself going “Damn, those cheese enchiladas were hella good…..ohhhh then I had a cookie. That’s nice. And it was chocolate chip too. What else did I have….hmm…….oh shit, I did have those three babybel cheeses. Fuck, now I’m hungry”. Not. A. Good. Idea. Unless you eat nothing but tofu and onion rings. Then in that case, log away my friend because who the hell wants to go back and read about that?!

Update:
It is true. Ms. Dewey is Papi from L word. I invite you all to just sit around and watch that damn search engine. She’s hella hot. Lord, oh lord.

I’ve got crap to do, including logging all my wonderful food today. Then I am going to In The Company of Dogs to spoil the hell outta Chloe. So I am going to head out but I leave you with this:

You’re Awesome. *high fives you*

Magical. I know, I felt it too.

-J

Random Things

2008-01-23T10:48:00.000-08:00

So here's a little randomness for your Wednesday...

Random Websites:

At work and you forgot your ipod at home? Yeah happens to me all the time....navigate your ass to songza.com

Ebaums's World. Hilarious soundboards that you can use to crank call people. They also have recordings of the soundboards being used. My favorite is of our "Governator" Arnold. click!

Random Lyrics for your head on hump day:

I was feelin’ like a creep
As I watched you asleep
Face down in the grass,
in the park, in the middle
of a hot afternoon
Your top was untied
And I thought how nice
It’d be to follow the sweat down your spine

You’re like my best friend
aw after a good, good drunk
You and me wake up and make love after a deep sleep
Where I was Dreamin’, I was Dreamin’ of a
Dreamgirl

Random Song Remix:
Tegan and Sara - Walking with a Ghost (The Rentals Remix)

****I found the "crash into me" remix that I wanted to post on here earlier, but didn't because I couldn't find it. I love it :]

Dave Matthews Band - Crash Into Me (Remix)

Random Facts:
-The clock in my car is 23 minutes fast.
-I put vaseline on my lips at night so they are super soft when I wake up.
-I have perfected the high five. Trust me.
-I have the sexiest pack of gum you will ever see.

Random Loved picture:
Me and my Grandma playing at an arcade. I love her face.

Happy Hump Day!

Updates Galore

2008-01-22T13:14:00.000-08:00

1. My computer crashed AGAIN. So, it’s being written off as a lemon. I was always told if life gives you lemons make lemonade, but geek squad said they’d give me a new computer. So I said, “Okay, I hate regular lemonade anyways”.
2. I might be moving to a house on a street called “Clintonia”. Every time I say “Clintonia” I think “clit”. I wish it was “Clitonia”.
3. I didn’t sign onto myspace for a week. It felt fantastic.
4. Slimfast is heaven.
5. I went insane for a day and thought I would cut cheese out of my diet thinking it was making me gain weight. When I saw how grumpy I was, I decided that for the sake of all the loved ones in my life, I’d continue my cheese indulgence, just for them. I’m happy again.
6. I haven’t seen any full episodes of L word yet. I only saw the online premiere. It sucks. BUT it’s kind of nice knowing that I am going to play catch up and probably watch all the episodes back to back. High five for no cable.
7. I was surfing the web a while ago and found this website. I swear to god it’s the actress that plays Papi on L Word. I could be wrong. If that’s the case, I owe you some bread in a can.
8. Yes, I did say bread in a can. I received some bread in a can from a good ole’ cheese lovin’ co worker of mine. I’ll just call her Sanders. But we can call the bread insane for having 130 calories per serving and 8 servings per can.
9. I’ve learned that some people never grow up. And that you can’t make them. So if you plan on being in my life, let’s keep the game playing to a minimum. Because I wont stay around to put up with it. And that’s me, being blunt and to the point. If you don’t like it, put a comment in my suggestion box. I go through it weekly, and take it all into consideration [set it on fire].
10. I like “shoes” <3

Hope life is treating you all well. I am going to try and write blogs on my sidekick and post them when I can. I'm getting desperate, I know.

FYI: My boobs miss your boobs. Let's set up a play date.

-J

This is ME Exuding "Niceness"

2008-01-08T19:10:00.001-08:00

Let me just start off by reminding you guys that I am weird. Weird random things piss me off. Just the sight of them. For instance, yellow smiley faces. Douche bags. Cans of soda that are made to look and sound like name brand soda, but soooo aren't.

Okay, I understand that not everyone can afford name brand, or just don't care and like to save a dime or two. Whatever floats your boat. But do these companies really feel the need to make their product almost identical to name brand? There's no point in this. People who are buying the knock off know they are buying a knock off and for good reason. Don't be an ass and insult my intelligence by putting Aunt Jemimo syrup on the shelf next to Aunt Jemima. And have Aunt Jemimo have slightly smaller tits and a little bit saggier ass. All it does is for the next six months (does syrup even expire?) is remind me, every fuckin time I open up my cupboard, that I got Aunt Jemimo. She's not nearly as hot as Aunt Jemima. And let's face it, she's a little slutty.

Hmm so tangents are cool. Moving back to the point. I'm starting a petition to do away with the playboy bunny icon. I'm sick of it. It's so uncalled for. And who the hell decided it cool in the first place? Does having it tattooed on your ass make you hot? Absolutely not. And it sure as hell doesn't make you one of Heffner's ladies. It just makes you a knock off brand. So fuckin stop it already.

And while I'm at it, something else that makes me sick is the As Seen On TV bullshit. Seriously?! It's all just CRAP. Like really, some guy was sitting at home and wanted to make it rich. So he was like, "Hey, I don't really want to work hard for my money, so I'll just come up with some crap that people will want to buy. I'll hire actors to do testimonies on how much they love my product, and money will just fall on my lap". I refuse to support those jerk off's. And seriously, I can't even look at their website without wanting to stab myself in the eye with a spork.

This site rules me.

I'm off to watch a movie and harass people via text. It'll be glorious.

-J

I Got Cheese On My Boob

2008-01-07T19:42:00.001-08:00

You know what's funny? You think I'm kidding about my title. I'm so not. Let me paint you a picture. I'm in my work pants, a Hane's white t-shirt, slippers with Will and Grace playing in the background. I'm cooking me a little macaroni and cheese, you know, a typical night for me. My macaroni is done and it's ready for the cheese. The cheese is in this ridiculous foil/plastic pouch thing. Although it's fun to rub on your boobs and squish between your hands and cheeks, it's nearly impossible to get open. Even though it has tons of little notches on both ends, no one with normal human strength could really tear it open. And for some reason I don't own a pair of scissors. So I use a knife to hack into the end of it and tore it open. Normally, I prefer to just clip the corner off so that way i can squeeze every last drop of cheese out. But this got cut down the middle and torn open. So now there is no clean and efficient way to get the cheese out. I mean, the majority of it came out in a big glob, but there was so much left in the creases and corners of the package that I couldn't throw it away. I was like, switching the thing from hand to hand...cheese is dropping out and getting on the counter...I start shaking the bag...some more cheese falls out..I pull out my dyke fingers and start scraping at the bag. It was so tragic and pathetic; I fumbled the whole time. Kind of like my "first time". Except no one got off. And what was left was a joke of a meal and cheese on my boob. Not even on my boob. On my shirt, on my boob. If it were on my boob and not my shirt, I might have been able to pay someone to lick it off. Fuck that, I would have licked it off. But it's on my shirt. So the only person willing to lick it off is Chloe. And well, I'm pretty sure that would be frowned upon.

So last night was the L Word premiere. Sadly I do not have cable. But I did catch it online and was told that I didn't miss much on the live showing. I got a call from Arlan saying that Rachel Shelley was all in her presence and stuff. Can we just stop and give a moment of silence at how fucking hot Rachel Shelley is, please? I mean, the hair, the bod and the accent. And to be honest, her bad attitude in earlier seasons didn't leave a bad taste in my mouth at all. In fact, it was pretty fuckin' hot.

So later on in the night I get a text from Arlan saying that Paris Hilton was there. I mean, I don't even know what to think about that. Whatever. So I got a link today with pictures from last night...check them out if you dare. I like to think that in the picture of her whispering in Ilene's ear, she's saying "You suck for killing off Dana. And you better think twice if you ever want to stay in any of my choice hotels". And what is with Kate hanging out with Paris?! Doesn't Kate know that Paris didn't get the Hilton fortune. Fuck. We don't need Paris on our team. She's the straight girl who makes out with chicks for the attention from guys. Okay, okay. I'll reconsider if she agrees to do a sex tape with another chick with night vision and heavy eyeliner. But that is the ONLY way I'll rethink it. And how is it that in nearly every picture I see of Paris, her mouth is open? I mean, is it just out of habit? She's given so many blow jobs that now it just kind of hangs open?

Anyways...yay for L Word being on. Yay that Monday is over. And yay that I'm in bed watching a movie and totally relaxed.

OH and...up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, b, a, b, a, select, select, start.

-J

PS. I still have cheese on my boob.

Requesting Some Enlightenment

2008-01-05T18:00:00.000-08:00

oh and.....mmmmm.

i agree with every last word of this song.

-J

freewrite

2008-01-03T11:25:00.000-08:00

**this is a journal. i am disabling comments. just because it's being posted today, doesn't mean that's what i feel today. feelings were pulled from years ago, months ago, hours ago, seconds ago from different people and from a different me. but all that really doesn't matter. please don't question my intention, my feelings or what this whole thing is about. it's my heart in no particular form.**

this comes too late. heavy on my chest and restricting my breath. by no means a writer, by no means a lyricist. i'm writing and screaming it out. free. and clear. i don't care who stumbles by and hears. innocence, free and true. got scared when it grabbed a hold of you. grabbed your hand and led the way. you feared all that you had to say. coming from your heart and coming from within. afraid to walk that line again, i cant blame you. your lack of trust a pistol aimed at your own heart. no trust in yourself to not tear this whole thing apart. no trust in the heart staring back at you. yearning to be let in, holding back fearing of how it would end. let go. just let go, taunted me again and again. pulled out this supple red heart and sewed it on my crisp white sleeve. Creased and clean, oh so naive. in and out of love we went. to be honest i'd do it again. but there was a cold, hard barrel of a gun pressed hard against your chest, and no trust in your lack of grip. so turn it out, turn it around. look at what you found. i'm the old to all of your new. my thriving, red heart borrowed and returned, stone, cold and blue. all the lyrical fuck you's. things exaggerated, unfounded and untrue. i am too a guilty party, ran my mouth in hopes to figure out you. went about it the wrong way, but trust never malicious in any way. hate me, i do too. whatever is easiest for you. intimate moments belittled and divulged making me feel like a fool. bedroom lies through eyes. seen through a one way mirror, my thoughts, words and heart left unheard. saw what you thought you wanted to see, and believed what you wanted to hear. hard to think that i'd still be here. through it all, ready to make amends and quite possibly, begin again? don't group me with the rest of them. forgiving and understanding of this life we can all call hell. i've got this, and i've got that, but then somehow lonely again. how could it be true? despising everything in others, you can't bare to think is true in you. believe me, i know and i knew, and its what drew me. to you. it became a game that i didn't care to win. so much trust in the grip of mine to hold tight, but you were right. now its clear and i can see. learned to forge ahead and start a new. i thank you for that. a mistake will never be called you and me. delicate space between, but intimately intertwined our hearts will be. from a distance, and its nice. to step up for you, i wouldnt think twice. stronger for what we've been through, its definitely true. i'm here. i'll always pick up that call on me from you. moved on and learning i look forward to our next chapter. whatever it may be, but lets let it be clean. clean from tear stains and regrets. after all, we've done all that before. i'm mopping up this red blood on the floor; i'll wear this bleeding heavy heart on my sleeve no more. sorry for what went wrong and i'll gladly take back my knife. lets get busy living this dream called life. we're alright.

-J

Tattoos of Memories

2007-12-26T22:34:00.000-08:00

They say the strongest sense tied to memory is smell. I beg to differ. I've noticed that when I listen to music that I have been listening to for months or even years, the music moves me the same way it did the first time I heard it.

Alanis Morrissett's Jagged Little Pill: I remember my dad and I jumping around the living room when I must have been, I don't know, 12? We screamed the lyrics out loud and hopped around the living room together banging our heads and kicking our feet. Laughing, high-fiving, grinning so hard you couldn't see our eyes. I still see the lines in the corners of his eyes and his mouth because he was smiling so hard. He was embracing my music; he was embracing me. I started going to Border's to buy cd's more often after this.

Sublime's Title Album: I used to listen to this whole CD on repeat while I played Diddy Kong Racing on my N64. I can still see the little go karts speeding around corners as I picked up balloons and dodged oil slicks. I was the shit at that game. I loved being a kid. The only thing I needed to worry about at that age was getting good grades and playing softball. My parents worked hard long hours to bring in the money to allow me to, when you really break it down, play a game. I devoted my life to perfecting using a stick, to hit a ball, to get squares. Plain and simple. If only I knew that life would never be that simple. Ever again. Either way, this was my soundtrack then.

Matchbox Twenty's Yourself or Someone Like You: My mom and I used to listen to this. I was in high school. My parents were splitting up and for the first time I didn't see my mom as this invincible superhero. She ached just like I did sometimes, she was only human and was doing the best that she could for me given the circumstances. Trying her damnedest to make sure my life didn't skip a beat; all the while hers was being picked up and shaken upside down like some change tray out of an old Datsun. She was kind of starting her life over and unsure, just as much as I was, of what tomorrow would bring. All we knew was what we knew that day. I can still see the side of her face as she drove our 1992 Toyota 4Runner. The way it looked as she sang along. The way her eyes focused on the road and her heart focused on the lyrics. We never really talked when this CD was playing. We both knew that each other was taking from the songs just what we needed to get by. We sang along together as if to say to each other "I know".

Dave Matthews' song Break Free: The feeling of a true love for me. Before things got messy and life got in the way. The pace of my breath, the pounding of my heart, the rhythm of my step; that same beat is brought back again and again. I wouldn't change the feeling I get in my stomach or the inevitable grin I can NEVER hold back when I hear this song, for anything in the world. I used to think I needed that person to feel that way still. Held on tight until my hands ached. But once I let go, they still rocked my world through this song as much as they had inspired me to hit repeat and sing along loud, and all obnoxious-like, parked in front of Walgreens so long ago. There are no more questions of what might have been or what went wrong. I don't think they know how thankful I am for the life they pumped through my veins at a time when I thought my life was going to hit a brick wall doing 130. What's left is the good of us in this song. At least for me...

Green Days' song Time of your Life: Many people in my life know the significance of this song for me. Green Day was a hidden gem in my friend Ashley's CD collection. I ganked it from her and played it on the stereo at home. One night I stumbled upon my dad listening to this song. He was sitting in his recliner, eyes closed, head back, feet crossed at the ankles and bouncing with the beat of the song. He started crying. I don't know if he knew I was there sitting on the couch when he started crying, but I just sat and watched. He was crying for the strength he thought he had lost, for the life he thought he was letting slip through his rough, hard working fingers. But all of that was sitting on the fucking couch right in front of him. I hope he found all the answers he wanted in this song. I wanted to tell him that it WAS worth all the while. To me HE WAS worth all the while. I chose to play this song at his funeral. And as luck would have it, a couple months later, this song was chosen by my peers at school to be our graduation song. When this song started to play after everyone had walked across the stage at Memorial Auditorium, I saw his face and thought "thanks for showing up".

And to think, every song has its own beat that is brought back to me again when I listen to it. The way I felt, when I let that song consume me for the first time however long ago, is still fresh. There are so many other songs I could write about. Like how every time I hear Don Gon Do It by the Rapture I see Winter's face and hear her reminding of how at 2:40 she simply loves the clapping. Then raises her hands, looks to her right and claps the beat. Or how I see Melissa's face and leg kick every damn time I hear Tony the Beat by The Sounds. That leg kick is followed by a "Heyyyyyyyy let's kick it".

I have a lot to be thankful for, huh?

*answers self by nodding* Absolutely.

-J

I Want a Girl Who's Too Sad to Give a Fuck

2007-12-25T17:24:00.002-08:00

I'm kind of using this one as my journal. I've got a leather bound notebook and pen on my nightstand but I don't want to write. I want to type. It's faster that way to get my ramblings out. I've disabled comments because I'm not really looking for a response.

Let me just say...I am so glad I got an ipod. I am attached to the damn thing. If I could make sweet love to my ipod I would. When my other nano died, I learned to get along without it. But now that I have a new one, it gets to the point where my ears hurt because I have my headphones in for so long. Thank god for my ipod alarm clock stereo thingy or else my ears would never get a break. Music is really helping me a lot lately. Right now I'm going through a change in my life. I'm in a new city, which I chose. I am glad I did, because I wanted to start over, fresh and new. I know people here, but they are all new. I find myself yearning for an intimate connection with someone. Someone I could tell all my in's and out's to. Someone I could let in all the way, that could break my fucking heart, but would never dare. Kind of like a drug. Do too much and it'll kill you, but that high is so worth the risk. Reminds me of one of my favorite lyrics: "Loves just an excuse to get hurt/And to hurt/Do you like to hurt?/I do, I do/Then hurt me"

Obviously, no one wants to get hurt. But isn't it great to be in a position that you could be so incredibly vulnerable to being hurt by someone that at the same time you feel 100% safe? I miss the feeling of having my guard down and the confidence that comes with being someone. People take advantage of that. How you know undoubtedly that when you reach for their hand they will always open up their fingers for you to slip yours in between. How, no matter what time of night, you can throw your arm around them and they will always tuckle up to you and go "mmm". How you know that whenever you leave a room that they will be right there watching. That feeling of comfort that comes with having someone in your life that wants to be your everything.

I miss that. I feel like a pilot light. I don't work unless there's a spark. And right now, there's no fucking spark. It's wake up in the morning, go to work, come home and go to sleep. No one to share my day with, no one to cook for, no one to pleasure. Life is so mundane. Black and white. This is my black and it's low. And my only solace is knowing that everyone goes through this, at one point or another. People have come out alive, happy and sharing their lives with someone that means the world to them. I want to mean the world to someone. I want to be someones infatuation. Someone who loves my eccentricities and can love me in spite of my flaws. Someone who would gladly pick out the cherries of the Cherry Garcia for me because although I eat the cherries every once in a while, I really just like the chocolate chunks. Someone who wont complain that I cook macaroni and cheese three times a week. Someone who has no problem spending an entire Saturday making out with me in bed and watching movies with me even if they are sappy like "Steel Magnolias" or gory and intense like "Seven" or "Crash". Someone who needs no other reason to smack my ass besides "because it's there". Someone who can stand me blaring Dave Matthews 24/7 because when it comes down to it, his lyrics move me and have helped me through the hardest times of my life. I guess I could go on forever talking about all the things I wish for in a partner/lover/best friend. But doing so isn't going to get them to me. Fate will. I guess I will have to respect that.

That fucking sucks. Fate has turned out to be a real whore to me. She owes me.

But seriously, it seems like everyone around me has somebody. Why is that?! Can't there be miserable people around me when I'm feeling down? Even the asian lady who thinks Chloe is going to attack her has somebody. She's only ten fucking pounds lady and is more scared of that leaf than she is of you. Jesus Christ. I'm sure her steamed rice and dim sum is fucking bomb, but what about my mexican lasagna?! My bacon provolone pasta?! How come no one wants to eat my food?! Well, they can all just eat me.

I want to gamble everything for love. Meet me in Vegas.

In the meantime, I need to laugh.

Where's My Money Man

Brian's Novel

Ding Fries are Done

Believe me, I mean it when I say, Happy Holidays to you all :]

-J

"There is this Cheese"

2007-12-23T22:16:00.000-08:00

I don't think I have enjoyed a present more...I thank Aimee for this...thank you very, very much!

Oh my

2007-12-23T11:40:00.000-08:00

A week ago or so I posted a bulletin on myspace telling you guys about the OhMiBod. It's a vibrator that plugs into an ipod that literally does you based on the rhythm of your music. Okay, so thats all sunshine and rainbows and what not. BUT my friend Jennifer sent me a link to a website that is in the business of showing hot ladies using the OhMiBod. They have an awesome section called "Club Vibe". Here you can use itunes to create your own playlists to upload and share with others. You can also download playlists from other users. The Top 5 [cleaverly named] playlists on Club Vibe right now are:

1. "The Lazy Geisha"
2. "A Little Hip Hop Inside You!!"
3. "A Little More Upbeat...POP!"
4. "Dance in your Boom "Box""
5. "Dark and Goth for your Inside"

Wait. There's more. Also from OhMiBod comes BodiTalk and BodiTalkescort. *pauses* Wow, so I'm just going to post the item descriptions and you guys do with it what you will.

BodiTalk: A whole new way to talk and play

BodiTalk is activated by calls made to or from your cell phone when in close range. The cell signal triggers a unique 3 pattern vibrating sequence that lasts for the entire call – enabling you to "get off while you’re on."

BodiTalkescort: Be heard not seen
Boditalk escort is the perfect vibe to keep hidden in those secret places and will turn any call into an orgasmic surprise. Its discreet design makes it the perfect companion for passion on the go. Also converts to manual multi-speed vibe...2 products in 1!

I can't believe the technology these days. Who would of thought, like way back in the Titanic days, a cell phone or music would be able to like, do you. Soft or hard. Whichever you choose. I really have nothing else to say; I'm speechless. This is crazy fantastic.

-J

Lesbian Jumping Jacks

2007-12-20T13:56:00.000-08:00

Hmmm...Lesbian culture. It’s much more than L Word and tank tops ya’ll. I was yearning to learn. So I decided to go to Google and type in “lesbian culture”. I clicked on the result that said “lesbian life, lesbian culture – top picks”. It brought me to a page on About.com. I have used this site before to look up some stuff but I didn’t think they had a lesbian section. I was brought to the author’s top ten all time favorite lesbian movie list. Check it out queer…I mean here.

Also I find it hilarious how ads are geared to advertise things they think we would like based on our search criteria. So listed on the side under the “Most Popular” tab is a list of the most popular searches about lesbians on About.com. The list is as follows:
1. Famous Lesbians…….okay, cool.
2. Oral sex…….good call. *nodding* better than an oreo dipped in ice cold milk.
3. Her first lesbian sex…….mmkay, that’s a little personal. But I like story time so, whatever.
4. G-Spot……I know where that is, do you?
and my favorite *drumroll*…
5. How to fist…….awesomeness.

What I don’t like are the ads on myspace. “ARE YOU EMO?! FIND OUT HERE”. Gee I’m sorry myspace I can’t, cuz my hair is covering my eyes and I colored in my monitor with a sharpie cuz I love the color black so much. Pretty LAME. I do love high school emo kids though. They are my fave. So cute with their tight little itty bitty pants, checkered vans and hanes hoodies with safety pins. I just want to hug them.

Okay I’m hungry. Its lunch and I am in desperate need for some cheese. Melted. With bacon. Fuck sex, that sounds fantastic.

I take it back. I don’t want to fuck sex. I want it...and looking at the new season 5 LW promo I am going to get it!

If you haven't already seen it...

Song obsession of the day:
Three Seed by Silversun Pickups.

-J

Bringing Them to da Whurld

2007-12-19T16:59:00.000-08:00

This post comes from a pic that Brenna sent me. I just had to share it with you all. Okay so these two right here, they got banned from Disneyland for reasons...well...for reasons that are obvious.

I think it's sad, but as a pick me up I am offering them full lifetime admission to Jessicaland. I promise it much more magical than that fuckin overpriced castle. Don't want to wait in line to ride the 1.5 minute Matterhorn for five hours? Hope in line to ride my Vajahorn. The ride lasts much longer and you might even get wet; which makes it the perfect summer attraction.

Jessica's Wednesday Cool List:
Movie: Superbad
Song: Mmmnn by Grandabob
Website: http://www.toothpastefordinner.com/
Comedian: Kathleen Madigan
Mag: Bust

*muah*

-J

Need Anything from the World?

2007-12-19T14:00:00.001-08:00

One of my coworkers asked me that earlier today. I think it is probably the most fantastic question I have ever heard. She was implying Starbucks or cheese but all I could do was laugh because of all the crap that filled my head. One thing that I have found I miss seeing is douche bags. The sightings have been few and far between because I go so far out of my way to avoid them. But now I miss the little fuckers. I would love to spot some holiday douche. I want Kevin’s draped in garland and Mark’s wearing Santa hats. Don’t be surprised if you find me lurking all creepy like at the front doors of Dick’s Sporting Goods or making a late night drive by Napa Auto Parts. I want the smell of exhaust and the sight of oversized cubic zirconias from Mervyn’s in my face. *sigh* I think I’m sad.

You know what else I miss? My damn computer! Grrr. Geek squad still has it and I am getting impatient. I miss blogging whenever my heart desires. I miss getting lost online until the wee hours of the morning. Now that I have a video ipod, I really miss itunes. AND I can’t wait to download the Sims 2 back onto my computer. I miss playing that game. You know what’s fun? Making a girl Sim hit on another girl Sim. I was curious if they would actually have the option of having sex and they do! Hehe, leave it up to me to act like a 13 year old boy, huh? There are even people online who create different skins to resemble L Word characters. So when I get a chance, I am going to download myself a Bette and see how well my Jessica Sim and Bette Sim get along. *wink wink*

I tried doing Christmas cards last night but I just didn’t have the energy. All of my addresses are lost and I would have to call or text everyone to get their address, so as you can tell I was not motivated. My question is, do people really care if they get a Christmas card? I mean, really? It seems like it means close to nothing when you send one to someone but when they don’t get one, its blasphemy. Well people are not getting Christmas cards from me this year. So Happy Holiday’s from me and Chloeface.

So this is what I want from the world:
-Holiday sightings of douche bags.
- My computer back so I can download TS2 and make all the Female Sims hit on each other
- A special someone to kiss under the mistletoe and eat melted cheese with.
- Everyone special in my life to get what they want for Christmas. No matter what it is.
- Cheese, chocolate and Kelly Clarkson wearing nothing but chucks and a vintage t shirt laying in my bed.

That’s TIT. I’m simple. So I expect you’ll make it happen.

I thought this was funny:

Aight bitches. It’s that time of the week again. “National Reminder You’re Not Getting Laid Day” i.e.: hump day. Enjoy yourselves.

-J

Playground Love

2007-12-12T10:01:00.000-08:00

*listening to Spoon’s “They Never Got You” and sipping tea while thinking about stuff*

How is everyone? I am in work early today. I must say I DO like getting an early start to my day. But that’s only after I am done bitching to myself for being up this early and actually getting a roll on things. I don’t like waking up this early, but I do like the notion of getting shit done early. There is only ONE way that I actually enjoy being up this early. And it doesn’t require me getting out of bed, or in some instances even opening my eyes. In fact I’d rather keep ‘em closed. It’s more fantastical that way :]

I had a very good night last night. It was simple. Simple is good for me right now. But one thing I did not do was make out Christmas cards. FUCK! They probably won’t reach some of my family until after the New Year. But it’s the thought that counts right?! I’ll just tell myself that.

So a while ago I was talking to someone about first loves, second loves, third loves and so on. And we were discussing the difference between first loves with a man and first loves with a woman. Is it possible to have a first love with both? I mean, our heart is a heart. It doesn’t know the difference between a man and a woman. Shouldn’t our first love be our first love regardless of their sex? And if the next love happens to be a person of a different sex than the first, does that mean you experience first love again? I feel like, if my heart yearned and ached the first time, it doesn’t matter who the second person is. My first will always remain my first. I’m sad we broke each others hearts the way we did, but he’s a good person, just not good for me.

[subject change] I’ve been meaning to ask what you guys thought about all that.

I notice that when I have my ipod on shuffle I skip over the same songs all the time. I compiled a list of songs that I found I NEVER skip over. I could be in the middle of eating cheese, sitting in traffic, or even, groping some breasts and I will never skip over these songs:
- Why You Wanna- T.I [I think it’s so cute how he says “love”]
- Since You Been Gone- Kelly Clarkson [turns me on when she says “shut your mouth”. Just for that I’d keep on talking]
- Maybe Tomorrow- Stereophonics [it always picks me up]
- To Zion- Lauryn Hill [I look forward to the day I can relate to this song]
- Pretty Little Thing- Fink [it’s just cute]
- Please Forget- The Hourly Radio [the closest to liking the 80’s I’ll ever get]
- Frozen- Tegan and Sara [duh. They’re awesome.]
- Breathe Me- Sia [I listen to the whole song just to hear the music stop and start again at 3:00]
- Old Dirt Hill- Dave Matthews Band [the lyric “the first time I kissed her I lost my legs”]
- Jane Fonda- Mickey Avalon [makes me want to shake my ass]
- Sugar (Gimme Some)- Trick Daddy [reminds me of one of my favorite things]
- Sideways- Citizen Cope [his voice]
- Warning- Incubus [it reminds me of the video and Brandon looks HOT in it.]
- Crash Into Me- Dave Matthews Band [c’mon now. lyrically one of my favorite DMB songs]
- What it Feels Like- Lola Ray [its rock and roll sex.]
- You Got Me- The Roots feat. Jill Scott [simply put: the roots and jill scott]
- The Kill- 30 Seconds to Mars [I like when he says face. lol]
- DOA- Foo Fighters [the lyric: “made you come clean in a dirty dress”]
- One Piece at a Time- Johnny Cash [its fuckin funny]

Try to enjoy your Wednesday! It feels like Thursday to me. FYI: I answer the phones at my work and I find that I am sounding more and more like the lady in Office Space. “Corporate accounts payable, Nina speaking….just a moment.”

Happy Humping to you all! If you don't have someone to hump, then hump a wall. That's what I'll be doing!

-J

I Wear Your Sex Upon My Sleeves

2007-12-06T09:33:00.000-08:00

I have big sleeves. Like Stevie Nicks. This post is coming to you live from my office chair. I’ve had some stuff saved on my blogger so I am throwing it in here as we speak. I have to keep the good stuff coming to get you guys to come back right? *sets out a tray of assorted cheeses* There you go. Come back now ya hear?

**If girl on girl talk makes you a little uncomfortable, two things. One: stop reading here, because the stuff below is for people who can handle that sort of stuff. Two: Don’t watch the “Oh My God” Pink video below.

So I am in the middle of reading this book that Noha got me. It’s called “Same Sex and the City”. It is written by Lauren Levin and Lauren Blitzer. It dives right into lesbian culture and shares the lives and coming out stories of lesbian women. I love this book and I even read it in the car on the way to work this morning. DON’T worry! Your mom was driving me to work and I was in the passenger side. And let’s just say, I know the backseat and your mom like the back of my hand. Back to the book, here’s just a few of my favorite parts, just to give you a taste:

Lauren Levin talking about when she realized she was gay:
“The next day Anna and I took her dog up the mountains. It was undoubtedly one of the happiest days of my life. It was the day I found the missing puzzle piece. I found my future. Happiness was indeed possible. I wanted what Anna and Deidre had. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with the woman of my dreams I wanted to have children with my best friend, my lover. Never before did I know a normal life was possible as a gay woman. I realized that everything I didn’t think I wanted, I actually longed for. The only difference was that I wanted to share this life with a woman, and not a man.”

True, true…..don’t we all?

First time pointers:
“Be the tortoise, not the hare: You’ve got all night to make love. Tease her with your touch. Undress her slowly. Appreciate each inch of her soft skin. Kiss her stomach. Take in her scent. Fondle her breasts. Kiss her neck. Caress her inner thighs. Take in her smell. Massage her ass. You want her desperate for your touch, to feel her shiver. Lay your naked body on top of hers. Foreplay with girls is incredible. There’s a whole lot of fun to be had before you ever even touch her down there. When she reaches her breaking point, and just can’t seem to handle it anymore...go for the gold...at least when you’re with a woman, size is never an issue.”

Amen to that. I think I need to read that paragraph…umm…again. Slowly and a little to the left.

Lauren Blitzer talking about her first time:
“I felt a magnetic pull toward her body as she inched closer to mine. I looked into her eyes as she placed her lovely hands on my hips. Our eyes met and we kissed. It was warm and beautiful. My body tingled. I pressed my hands on her, pulling her close to me. We stopped for a second, and I snuggled my face in that space between her shoulder and her neck. It fit perfectly. I stayed there for a while. She wrapped her arms around me and we stood there enjoying the feel of each other.”

Like a puzzle piece. *sigh* That paragraph is refreshing. I know I will have some arguments here about what I am about to say, but its hard to find a man that can feel all the emotion it takes to be that vulnerable with someone as these women were with each other.

So if you guys have a chance, check out the book! I’m only a third of the way through but I am loving it so much.

I have a Tegan and Sara concert tonight in Berkley! I am super stoked. I promise I will take lots of pics and be super lame and post them on here.

For now, I am off. I hope all of you enjoy your Thursday! Remember when Thursdays on NBC used to be awesome?! All the Friends and Frasier. And I think, Will & Grace!

Last night I watched Death Proof by Quentin Tarentino from the Double Feature Grindhouse. Vanessa Ferlito. Damn.

I KNOW!

I’m out betches.

-J

Happy Feckin' Holidays

2007-12-03T10:28:00.000-08:00

This is why I am glad it’s the holiday season. I can listen to this over and over again and no one can say anything!

Ugh. It’s that time of the year ya’ll. Where couples take vacation days, do each other all day long, then go out in public with their “sex glow” and “freshly fucked” hair and buy gifts for each other. You’ve seen them. They are the ones smiling. And you know what is even worse? They are always getting the good parking spots. I wonder what they had for breakfast. Probably Grapenuts. I wonder if I eat Grapenuts if I’ll get good parking spots and freshly fucked hair. Hmpf.

Random: When I was little my dad used to carry cones around in his trunk. If we saw a good parking spot, he’d pop the trunk, I’d jump out, run across the parking lot and put the cones down. People swore it was for construction or something. Or if we had a good parking spot, had to leave but were intending on coming back and didn’t want to lose it, we would put the cones down when we left. They always held our spot. Lol. People can be so trusting sometimes.

It’s been a while since I last posted and that is mostly because my life is lame. My ‘puter is now broken. There is something wrong with the wireless switch. On top of that, (and my breasts) I need a new power cord because it won’t charge. I am also broke, so I can’t afford to fix any of that. But good news: ChloeFace is still cute as hell, I just bought a brand new pack of cheese, my birthday balloons from my roommate are still inflated and floating around my room scaring me in the middle of the night and I’m done with my Christmas shopping. But it’s no longer my birthday month.

I watched Romy and Michelle’s High School Reunion the other day and I forgot just how good it was. My favorite lines:

Romy: Swear to God, sometimes I wish I was a lesbian.

Michele: Do you want to try, to see if we are?

Romy: What? Yeah, right, Michelle. Just the idea of having sex with another woman creeps me out. But if we're still single at 30, ask me again.

Michele: Okay.

I actually had this pact with one of my friends when I was younger. Wow. She’s still straight. I’m a lesbian. Both single. Only 7 years to go until we test to see if she is…..hmmm…good day for Jess *wink wink*

So how was everyone’s Thanksgiving? I know it is a little late to ask but its better than never right? Mine was good. My mom woke me up at 4 AM the day after to go black Friday shopping. It was soooo nice of her to take me shopping, but I am not a morning person. I will never be a morning person. So don’t try waking me before ten unless you wanna lose a nipple. I’m serious.

Plans for the holidays are to eat, drink and be merry. Pretty much the same agenda I hold from day to day. Hopefully my computer will be fixed in the next couple of weeks and I will be able to post more now that I have more time [boobs] on my hands. I am also going to try and do some more Operator 11 shows with Arlan. Possibly do a holiday special. What do you guys thinks? Santa hats and booze? Nothing says bringing in the holidays like two lesbians shooting the shit and talking about breasts and cheese.

Oh and by the way….you’re sexy.

-J

Case of the Monday's?

2007-11-19T23:33:00.000-08:00

Can you believe it's only Monday?! Thought I would share this with the rest of you all to make you laugh.

:]

Hope everyone has a good week! If I don't post before Thanksgiving, HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

-J

OH MY GOD....

2007-11-17T23:56:00.000-08:00

....is damn right. This makes me cry it's so hot. Pink's "Oh my god"

Arlan said she posted this so I am just sharing the love and passing it on...But I ganked this from Bridget :] She's hot ya'll. And has this awesome vid on her page which makes her one of my favorite people!

My girls from Sac left today and we had some good times last night. I will have pics soon I am sure. *AHEM* And tomorrow is my birthday, so I am headed to bed. I need my beauty rest! Hope everyone has a safe Saturday night.

-J

[BLANK]

2007-11-14T14:05:00.000-08:00

Just to let everyone know, I will be deleting my myspace page. I will be starting a new one, but not any time soon. So check back here for the URL and I will do my best to track down all the people I can...thanks!

I'll keep writing here so you can always check back here if you want to hear me talk about cheese or douche bags. I'll keep all that ish flowing for sure :]

-J

Just a Phase

2007-11-06T11:07:00.000-08:00

It is incredible how the human body works. I’m amazed at how closely connected our emotions are with the rest of our body. And I don’t mean watery eyes or choked up words. I mean how your heart can ache. I mean how I can just be sitting in a damn chair, and it feels like the words in my head are playing my body like an instrument; strumming hard on my heart strings, tendons and ligaments, tapping my mind like a bass drum, hell, even playing my boobs like the bongos. My head was in the clouds on the way to work this morning. I don’t remember anything about my drive. But I could describe to you vividly every picture that was painted by the music pumping through my speakers. It’s a miracle I made it to work alive, really. I mean our hearts are there to pump blood right? It’s there to get the blood from point A to points B-Z of our body to keep us moving, one foot in front of the other, and one breath after the next. You wouldn’t think that it would even have the time to worry about what I’m worrying about. I suppose my heart was in flight or fight mode this morning. Working extra hard to keep that little roller coaster in my head moving in circles, shutting down the less important parts of me so energy could be sent to my feet and hands so I could drive. But my eyes didn’t see much and my ears didn’t hear anything but the music. And it was like my mind was staring and consumed with a version of Hightlights that was based on my life; analyzing over and over every detail and subtle difference of nearly the same fucking picture I see everyday, in hopes of finding all the answers. Pointless really. Someone ripped out the answers page. Fuck.

I’m beginning to lose faith that things happen for a reason. I’m having a hard time accepting the road that my life is going down. I guess I will have to learn to sleep at night knowing that I am doing the best I can with things. I guess I’ll have to stop thinking I can change things, situations or people. Things are what they are, and I can only do as much as I can. I wonder if there is a book at Borders that will teach me to tell my mind to stop being so consumed with it all, to tell my heart to stop worrying about sending in the reserves, and to stop “feeling” so much. I feel too much. And it hurts to feel this much. I want some melted cheese on something.

"Oh my...it's long"

2007-11-02T09:57:00.000-07:00

It is. My post, that is. You sluuuuts. It's been about a week since I did a real post on this thing. I feel ashamed. But I am making up for it with lots of goodies. I am writing this at night and I will put the finishing...touches *giggle* on it tomorrow morning and post.

How was everyone's Halloween? I went to Sacramento Saturday night to attend a Halloween shindig at a friends boyfriends bar. It was uber good times and I have never had so much fun sitting in one place for three hours. I thought I would go out on a limb and show you guys a few pics. Remember: the pictures below are for your entertainment only…they are NOT to be used for harassment purposes. That is unless you want to harass yourself into my pants. If that's the case, then, bring it. [Editor's note: I just wanted to say "editors note". Well, not really. Just wanted to say that I'm a broke ho, and we had to whip up a last minute costume for me, so the best thing we came up with was Johnny Knoxville. Well that's not true. Rachelle, aka "Flo", had me dressed up like a Harley Davidson Biker chick, with leather vest and all. I looked gay. I mean, gayer than KD Lang and Melissa Ethridge making out on a bed with "I <3 Shane" sheets with matching duvet cover, with Tegan and Sara playing in the background AND with Arlan watching and getting it all on video. I enjoy all things gay, but I went with Johnny Knoxville instead.]
< good times >

< /good times >

In other news. It's my birthday month!!! Ever since I was a little girl I have always celebrated my birthday month. I have birthday month rights, and when it's my birthday week, I will have birthday week rights. Deal with it. This means at any time I can shout out "It's my birthday month/week!" and you have to smile and pat me on the head. And if you lived with me, you'd find sticky notes EVERYWHERE reminding you and you'd be sure to get my birthday list in your email. It's just something I do, so love me for me. I will officially turn 23 on November 18th. I happen to share this birthday with my niece Kennedy. She will be 3. Although I'm sure she will tell you she's 4. She's such a love.

Moving on...I just saw this video and I think you should watch it too. Umm, yeah. Lol
update: i was able to find another video that is actually available. so if you weren't able to watch now you can. k ima go eat breakfast.

My favorite part starts at -1:19. I think if I were ever to do karaoke, I'd do this version of this song. Hands down...

...your pants.

I think that was quite possibly the worst performance ever. Two questions: Umm why did people clap and cheer at the end? And second, why isn't this getting more attention?! Everyone and their mom (not my mom tho) was quick to tear apart Britney's performance and I have yet to hear anyone really talk about this performance. Maybe it's because this is such an utterly huge disaster. I mean, I don't think Amy Winehouse was even trying to pull it off. She was too far gone. I find humor in other people's embarassment.

So I went to the gym earlier [now last night] and I had a pretty good workout. It was much needed too because I had a long day. I didn't leave the office until 6 and didn't get home until 7. I know, ouch. Come rub me down? Anywho, I was at the gym and I thought it would be cool to get a personal trainer. So I called my mom and told her to scratch those sunglasses I wanted off her list and get me a personal trainer instead. She said "no". I said "ok, love you, I'm winded, bye". *click* So on the way out I decided to ask just how much it would cost to whip me into shape. I have some toning and losing fat I need to do, but I wont tell you all how much. The guy said it would take two months to get there and that it would cost...*drumroll*...$1300. I was sooo taken back by this figure. How does this guy sleep at night?! I can understand that much for like a huge life altering improvement to your body...but not for what I was looking to it for. Ugh. So Jess has to continue working out on her own and let's just hope I reach my goals by January. *reaches into bag of Doritos*

So, my friend Rachelle is coming this weekend to pay me a little visit so I might not be able to get you a post. But I have some stuff stashed away so check back. What is everyone doing this weekend? Tonight Rachelle is going to make me tater tot casserole and we are going to watch some movies. Then tomorrow I was thinking of doing a little thrift store shopping, maybe grab some lunch and then hit up the bars tomorrow night. So I hope everyone enjoy's their weekend! I was given some very good advice by a dear gay friend of mine and I thought I'd share it with you all.

Arlan says: "Breasts make everything better".

Seriously.

Kiss your girlfriends. Grab some ass. Break someone off. Drop a beat. Take a shot. Give me money. BE SAFE!

-J

Sangwich

2007-10-28T22:21:00.000-07:00

Real quick post. I just got home from Sac not too long ago and just wanted to say that I have the cutest dog on the face of this earth. Seriously, look for yourself:

I saw the school girls uniform and could not resist. She's such a love! In other news. I'm tired. Very tired. So I am off to get ready for bed and watch a little Friends. But I just had to get on here and show you guy's Chloe's costume :]

Hope you all have a good Sunday night and Monday morning! I leave you with one of my favorite episodes of friends. TOW Ross' Sandwich. He's so incredibly neurotic about his sandwich, it reminds me of myself.

-J

I'm weird AND This Post is Indeed Random

2007-10-26T17:13:00.000-07:00

Umm I just wanted to post and tell you all just how weird I am. Don't hate. Appreciate

-I like to eat macaroni with tortilla chips. Wanna know why? Because the cheese and chips reminds me of nachos. Then throw in there a little pasta...and well, it's a good night.
-Along the same lines, I like to eat spaghettios with a flour tortilla. Now I have no idea why, but it tastes good.
-I noticed the other day that I like to keep my bath stuff in the same spot in the shower. Not sure if this would be considered nuerotic or what, but I like having all my stuff in their "spots".
-You will also notice that I dont like to finish the ends of my drinks. It's been my experience that the very ends of drinks are nasty. They are either watered down with spit or with the melted ice. Ew. Who wants to taste that? Not I. Not I.
-I eat meticulously. Since I was a kid, for some reason, I always end up with a little bit of everything at the end of my meal. A bite of corn, mashed potatoes, and say, meatloaf. I guess my mind is trying to prepare a "good last bite". But problem is, there is always a little too much of everything to fit it all on my spoon/fork. So I end up breaking it up anyways. I'm freaking you out huh?
-Cool thing though the second to last bite is always the best. And if you ever eat with me, and for some weird reason feed eachother, I'll always share the second to last bite because it's always the best.
-When I use the volume on the tv I like to keep the volume level on even numbers. I can't quite figure out why this is. I think it's because I feel like odd numbers are negative numbers.

Okay. That's enough of now. I can feel people judging me already. But I just thought I would share a little bit of myself.

Ummm I saw this pic today and a bunch of things came into my head. And I thought I would share. It shows just how gay I can be.

1. Anyone else notice the giant vagina in the background?
2. The second girl from the left is soooo holding the girl to her left's hand. Mhmm. They're so doin' it.
3. The girl on the very right is so a top.
4. This could so be a gay cingular commercial.
5. I totally spotted L Word characters when looking at this. From left to right.
-Alice. Because she looks kind of bi.
-Shane. Duh.
-Jenny. The bitch looks crazy.
-Phyllis. She's obviously the oldest one of the bunch. Which totally explains the socks with the shoes. I mean, that's sooooo 1940. It's 1942.
- Marina. She's tall, she's mammoth, she has a foreign...ahem..."tongue" and she'll tear.your.shit.up.

Hope you enjoyed my 1940's L Word cast. It's Friday. Go drink. Be merry. Drive safe.

***the opinions about the photo in the post are solely MY opinion. don't even THINK about emailing me and saying some shit like "the first girl soooooo doesn't look like alice". i don't care, shut your face. <----said with love.

*muah!*

-J

Serious Face

2007-10-25T12:10:00.000-07:00

Ugh. It has been one of those days. I feel like I have been working my ass off. I got home at nearly 7 yesterday. And was at work by 8:40 this morning (I sat in traffic for an hour and 20 minutes).The traffic was really really bad. I feel kind of out of sorts. I've never used that phrase, ever, but it seems fitting now. I need to get my sorts all together. I have friends here, and I have good friends in Sac. Everyone is within arms reach if I ever need them. And they are certainly a phone call away, but I feel like I am in my own little bubble. I've been told that's what I need right now, but I can't shake the feeling that it's not. Things have settled down a bit from the summer and now it feels like all work and no play. I couldn't even find the energy to meet up with anyone last night. Hmm...not quite sure what to do. BUT I do thank Peter for sending me douche bag pics. They sooooooooooo made my day. :]

In other news I read an article today about the top 11 geekiest shirts. You can check them out here. My favorite is the Twitter one. Anyone been on Twitter? I started getting into a couple months back, then I sort of got bored of it. I didnt like how you can't search for anyone. So I had these random people twittering me that I didn't know. Which was cool because some were funny. But I found it kind of retarded after a while.

So my therapist gave me a lot of insight today. I see a therapist for "maintenance" reasons. I think that going through life's tough times is hard enough. But I don't want to alienate myself and lose people in the meantime. So I use her ear so I can straighten myself out without affecting anyone else in my life. It's nice to have someone unbiased to just listen. And you know what's even better? She never talks about herself. It's one of her best qualities. LOL. She's so selfless. Anyways I've been thinking lots about who I am without anyone else and I'm trying to find myself now that I am pretty much divorced and doing my own thing. I have found that I struggled more with the transition of not having anyone to answer to, cater to and love than I thought I would. I'm just not a selfish person when it comes to those things. So when at the end of the day I think, what do I want to do, I'm usually like "I don't know" if there isn't someone that needs me. But at the same time I love doing those things. She also made me realize that all the catering I did to my ex was me trying to prove my love. I was trying to prove myself. When in actuality we should have loved eachother for who we were; not what we did for eachother. She asked me how I thought I would feel if someone loved me for me and not for the things I did for them out of love. And I said, "I don't know". True story.

I'm pretty much an open book. I do all that crap. I wear my heart on my sleeve, I'll be the one throwing rocks at your window at midnight; I'm the idiot on the Today show in the crowd in the window with the sign that says "I love you [insert name here]" and grinning like a damn fool. That's me. And reading what Sarah put today, I'm proud I'm like that.

From Sarah's blog Robot Envy, when speaking about holding back in the beginning of a relationship:

i don't think it's a necessity, but for some people it's just natural, and for others, it's...safe. personally i'm pretty much an open book, but think about it: the best books you read slowly, savoring every page. you read them bit by bit because you don't want them to be over. of course, books do eventually come to an end, and so do people's lives, for that matter, but this isn't really a good analogy because people generally live longer than it takes for the average person to read a fucking book. but you get where i'm going with this i think. with a person, there is always something more to learn. and my favorite books? i read them over and over...and over again.

Amen! God, I love her thinking.

I have no idea what my next step in life is but I am not going to concern myself with it too much. I don't want it to consume me. What I do know is, I am going to Sac tomorrow after work to spend some time with my cousins and then go to a little shindig Saturday night. I'll be back on Sunday.

What is everyone else doing for the weekend? I am sure there are lots of Halloween parties going on, so have a drink or two for me. And I'll be sure to do the same for you!

As Noha would say, "perky nipples" to you all...

-J

Mmmm Doritos

2007-10-23T18:15:00.000-07:00

This post comes live to you from my bed. I'm still half dressed from work. I still have on my work pants but I also have on my gym t shirt and sports bra. And to be honest I have no clue how in between changing my shirt I stopped changing my pants and got on the comp. Now I'm sitting here, music blaring, phone open, with a bag of Cooler Ranch Doritos strategically placed so my left hand slides in and out nicely. The only thing I am missing is a soda. My mini fridge is about 5 feet away. Too far.

So good news. Anyone who was following the whole "myspace being retarded and deleting the YDLM profile" fiasco know that it is back, baby! Ya heard me...so if you added the new page, good on you! If not then, the old one is a friend of yours again. But be sure to add www.yourdailylesbianmoment.blogspot.com to your internet browser favorites. Just in case!

In other news, I had a long day. I was working the whole day and didn't even take a break. At the end of the work day, we celebrated boss appreciation day for our boss. It was pretty cool because we got beer and chips and just sat around shooting the shit in a conference room. I tell you, I really needed that Corona. Although it was just one, it reminded me that you have to take it easy every once in a while. My immediate boss's last day was today for about 4 to 6 weeks. She is having surgery and so now I am going to be covering for her. So be sure to send me lots of emails to make me smile, because I have a feeling I am going to need it.

Okay. I've been vegging out on Doritos and ChloeFace needs to go out. Right now I am off to the gym. And will people send me some damn money so I can buy a new iPod. I never realized how much working out SUCKS without one. Bleh.

In the meantime, check out the sites in my "Navigate This" section, if you haven't already. Also, check out this vid for one of my favorite songs of ALL TIME. It wouldn't let me embed, so double click my happy place. Oh and because I can't grab your boob from here:

:]

-J

Your Daily Lesbian Moment Updates and Some Other News

2007-10-23T08:32:00.000-07:00

For some freakish, crazy reason, the Your Daily Lesbian Moment myspace profile has been deleted. Arlan is waiting on hearing back from Myspace on what happened. But in the meantime she has started to rebuild @ www.myspace.com/yourdailylesbianmoment.

So technically it's not deleted, it just relocated. You should definitely run by and add her as a friend. Also be sure to add the official Your Daily Lesbian Moment Blog to your internet browser favorites, just in case. You can check out the story of what happened here: Your Daily Lesbian Moment Blog

In other news, if you find real gay and lesbian news too dramatic you can check out Fake Gay News for a funny twist on fake events. It's kinda like the Daily Show. Only. Gay. If you want real news you can always head to 365gay.com

Or you can head to my pants. Either way, you'll get some gay.

So yesterday sucked. I had a very long day and enjoyed just relaxing at home with a movie after work. I watched the movie The Ex with Amanda Peet and Zach Braff. It was good, but not as hilarious as I wanted or needed it to be. So I give it just one thumb up. And I say one because I had a free rental at Blockbuster so it was free. Not too shabby for free. FYI: I'm free. And also not too shabby. *wink wink*

To start Tuesday off right, let's sit down cross legged and braid eachothers hair and look at this:

Oh my god. How did that get into my photobucket? well, it's gay. very gay. So that's probably why. God. What douchebags.

Okay lets try it again:

Phew that's better :]

Happy Tuesdays...tomorrow is Wednesday. Start looking for your humping partner now! You don't wanna end up like me...eating cheese and watching Friends with ChloeFace NOT humping.

-J

Tis the Season

2007-10-22T00:01:00.000-07:00

I definitely want to try and go snowboarding this year. I have my own board and since I lived in the East for nearly 4 long ass years, I didn't have many chances to go. And I want to go wherever this is:

Yeah.

And the reason I want to go is because it looks like it gets great snow. That's all I'm really concerned about. The snow. Mmhmm.

I was sure to carefully examine the snow. I've identified some particularly interesting spots, that I will be sure to look out for on the hill. Because after all, I'm a professional and take it very very seriously.

Sleep tight on this Sunday night...be sure to dream of shell top adidas and purdy ladies...

-J

Dave, Dave, Dave....David.

2007-10-19T11:00:00.000-07:00

Anyone know where my title is from? If so, I'll send you a lollipop :]

So I didn't have time like I thought I would last night to get a post up. It really is funny how time flies by. I am finding more and more that there isn't enough time in my day. I have been getting home a little later because traffic lately has been hellish. Even when I have carpool lane it's bad. And you know what sucks about traffic? The fact I get caught next to a douche bag. Normally I try to keep my douche bag exposure time to a minimum because being near them is damaging and it hurts me. I wish I had one of those chemical showers. You know the ones you run under and pull the handle on if you get chemicals on you? They had them in science class. I wish I had them to wash all the douche bag off me. Normally, in traffic I love blowing by their lonely asses in the regular lanes. In their pompous Audi Coupes with their Bluetooth headsets probably talking to their mom's about whether or not they are going to make pumpkin shaped sugar cookies this year. Losers.

So I tried watching Y Tu Mama Tambien and I didn't get through it. I wasn’t in a subtitle mood. I normally LOVE foreign movies like The Red Violin and Maria Full of Grace (two of my favorites) but I couldn't do it. I have actually seen the last half of this movie, which is why I was quick to turn it off when I realized. I got a little lost in music after that. Then showered and turned on some Scrubs. It was a pretty boring night. I was uber tired.

Some of you might not know this about me, but I love Dave Matthews. I know, I know, some of you don't and utterly despise him. BUT, I love him lyrically. And musically. And physically. MMM yes. So I thought I'd share a song :]

Below is the American Baby Intro. I usually put this on when I need some sort of "out". Check it out and let me know what you think.

***I couldn't find this one on youtube so it's through myspace. I'm not sure if everyone can view it. IF you can't and don't have an account….what's wrong with you?! Get one here

american baby intro-dmb

Add to My Profile More Videos

Wasn't that nice? Yes. I know. It was. I felt it too.

If you guys are hopeless romantics, like muah, then check out lyrics to some of my favorite Dave songs. I think that we all are lucky to feel this way about someone at least ONCE in our lives. And if it doesn't last, I think it's better to have experienced it than not at all. So be thankful, bitches.

My all time favorite is one that later became "Satellite". It's called "After Her". It's played to the same tune, but with different lyrics. I've known about and listened to this song for years and I still get goosebumps.

1. After Her
2. Say Goodbye
3. Break Free
4. Dream Girl
5. So Right

Okay that is going to have to wrap up this Friday post. I am hungry. Anyone got some bacon or cheese? Damn.

Happy Friday!

-J

Neglected

2007-10-18T09:59:00.000-07:00

Okay my loves, I've been busy. I take full responsibility for neglecting you and want you to know that I APPRECIATE YOU. And all that you do. I have to make this quick because you see, mama's gotta bring home the bacon. And when I say mama I mean the piece of ass you should be tapping DAILY, NIGHTLY and EVER-SO-RIGHTLY. And when I say bacon, I mean...bacon. Extra crispy. I don't do it limp.

Here's the good news: I have time tonight for a new post. BUT I'm going to watch Y Tu Mama Tambien before, that way I have something juicy to write about. Anyone seen it? I heard its pretty raunchy.

Today's post comes loaded with Tegan and Sara. They just did a vid for one of my favorite songs. Feast your eyes on "The Con" and let me know what you think.

Other tidbits for the day:
-Eat cheese
-Keep abreast of the latest news
-Buy tshirts
-Email me. Ask me questions, tell me about your day, show me pics of your dog...you know, whatevs.
-Most importantly: smile.

Alright ladies and some gents...have a good day, and be gentle tonight would ya'?

-J

It ALL Makes Sense

2007-10-09T22:52:00.000-07:00

Okay. So I feel like an ass. I just spent 15 minutes in my bathroom trying to kill a gnat with my bath towel. I was thinking that somehow my towel would hit the damn thing and it would be propelled into the ground or the wall, and sustain some sort of life ending bodily damage. Ummm...it didnt work. But the joke is on the gnat. I shut the door on him. He'll be there in the morning. I'm going to spend my night revising my strategy. I'll be well rested and ready in the morning. I promised Chloe and I can't let her down.

In the shower I was thinking about being younger and I realized just how many crushes I had! I used to LOVE the shows Ally McBeal and Party of Five. While watching Ally McBeal I remember totally loving scenes with Portia De Rossi and Lucy Liu. I totally thought they were hot and I had no clue that in the back of my mind I was wishing they would just start rolling around the desk and then ask me to join. HAD NO CLUE.

Can we also talk about Party of Five? And how much I wished Fox would change the name to Party of Two and only keep Neve Campbell and I on the cast? AND to save money they could have even fired all of wardrobe. We don't need wardrobe. And the only set we would need is my bed. And definitely a "shower" set. And maybe a "backseat" set. Hmmm...I miss Neve[<----I did that to her hair]. And I can't even begin to explain how excited I was when they added Jennifer Love Hewitt. I secretly wished that Neve and Jennifer would hook up. Was I the only one? Really?! So I decided to compile a little list of all my favorite movies and why I love them:

1. Dirty Dancing. I watched this movie over and over when I was a little girl. I think it's the reason I don't remember Disney movies very much. I was paying too much attention to all the hot women grinding. Yeah. That's definitely hotter than Cinderella losing her shoe.

2. A League of Their Own. C'mon. I don't think I need to explain this one. Chicks? On a women's baseball team? Wearing short skirts? Hmpf.

3. Scream Trilogy. Um. Neve Campbell in AWESOME shape. Running. And running A LOT. Oh and then add in Courtney Cox. Running. Running A LOT. They might as well have held hands and ran. I would have LOVED that.

4. Wild Things. Okay, so this one is more than obvious. I loved this movie for this reason: mmm Okay not that reason. Well it's not all that bad...but it was more like this reason: cat fight. To this day, I still love this movie.

Well I am going to end my post on that note. I think it's a rather awesome note to end on, don't you think? I have to get up super early for work tomorrow so I have to hit the sack. I have some other things I am working on for a post tomorrow. So until then, strap in, hold tight and dream of random things.

Until next time...same great time, same great channel, same great face...

- J

So many things gay....

2007-10-03T20:44:00.001-07:00

*Looks you up and down and winks* How you doin' sexy?

I hope that everyone had an awesome weekend! I know that it's Wednesday and it's taken me forever to get a post up here. But in my defense, my ass loves you. I promise I'll give you a back rub before I work you out tonight. I'll light some candles and play a little 112. That should do it.

So I spent the weekend in LA. And have so much to tell you all about. Friday night I went to a little place called Here. Friday happens to be ladies night and that means the Truckstop girls do a little dancing on the bar. The girls are yummy....not as yummy as my Kelly, but not bad. I made a little mistake and I wound up tipping a girl 10 dollars. NOW, let me explain! I saw all the ones in her panties and thought she would make change! At least thats what I thought in my head. I stood front row at the bar, jaw on the floor like a 12 year old boy as I just got drenched in water. Moral of the story: Jess had fun.

Fast forward past me eating gay pizza and somehow making it home in a wet t shirt to Saturday night. I was lucky enough to go to the Itty Bitty Titty Committee movie. Just an FYI: this movie is so awesome. I couldn't have been more pleased. Well...let's not say that. I could have been more pleased, but that would involve...*ahem* other things. Well...Kelly knows what they are. While at the movie four totally straight douchebags came in to watch the movie. I doubt they had any interest in lesbian culture...they were there because they saw the word "titty" on the sign out front. Grrr. Either way, I enjoyed the movie and you can check out the trailer in my pants:

After I got home from the movie. I ate Cooler Ranch Doritos and talked to Arlan about bringing people to the world. It's a new non profit project we plan to start early spring 2008. Saving the world, one pair of titties at a time. We'll have a logo similar to this one:

We just want to help people. That's all. Oh and no boobs were harmed in the making of the logo. Maybe squeezed for reference, but definitely not harmed.

Sunday night I got to go to Terra Naomi's show and actually meet her! She is an awesome person with amazing talent. I have a pic on my profile of all of us hotties and Terra after the show. You can also navigate to the right side of this page to check out her myspace page and order her album.

I really enjoyed spending time with the people I was with this weekend. I also got to make some new friends. I simply adored Sarah (Arlan's BFF) who runs Robot Envy. We even got a little photo op in:

Another person I met is Tina of the blog Audio Taco. She definitely rocked my socks and somehow we discussed how my vagina needs a lojacking device. And now I have the betch pinging me left and right to track it down. I like her so much I gave her free roadside service. Ehh...whatever keeps em coming back right? The customer always comes first. I'm a lady.

Thanks to Tina I was able to extend my knowledge base on douchebags. She gets full credit for finding this site. Navigate here, poke around, and then come back so we can talk about it.

*waits*

I KNOW!!! Can you believe it?! I cried. I cried a lot. So much hotness, and so much douche. Not even floral scented douche! I think my favorite was DimpleDouche. This douche was not just a DimpleDouche...hes a multifaceted douche. He has the Guido chest hair, popped collar AND opened shirt with gold chain, and has way too much gel in his hair. I swear if you panned down he'd be wearing white socks with his stiff and cheap wannabe italian loafers. Jesus, it hurts to look at this site for too long. I need to fix this. I will work to the bone to fix all the wrong that was on that site. People, people, lend me your boobies.

After all that...I bugged Arlan for cheese. And then we sat on a bench for an hour and half in the LA sun, eating cold stone, watching three of the most beautiful kids (not more beautiful than my nieces tho) play in a fountain. Couldn't have ended my weekend off better. It would of been nice to see my Grandma but she was in New Mexico taking care of land issues. Other than that, I had a blast. Hope you all had the best weekend.

Right now I am off to relax and watch a movie! I need to laugh! So how bout you swing by, pick up some Ben and Jerry's Cherry Garcia, and then come watch it with me...I could use the company. I could use the company for lots of reasons, but for now we can keep it PG.

Sleep tight, don't let your girlfriend bite...

...unless you want her to.

- J

I just want back in your bed

2007-09-28T09:18:00.000-07:00

Morning ladies. Here, I got you some coffee.

Starbucks grande mocha frappuccino no whip? One for you and one for me. Sorry they were out of the shortbread cookies. You'll have to wait. <3

Wow it's early. It's 8:45 and I have already been at work for almost an hour. I am about to go do a starbucks run because my tummy needs company. So now they are serving hot breakfast sandwiches which me and my tummy couldn't be happier about. You know how I am about my cheese. Especially melted cheese. It's kind of like finding a hot girl, who's ALSO melted cheese. I mean who's also smart and good in bed. It's just so much better melted. God I'm hungry.

Anybody been over to Planet Sappho? It's a lesbian dating site. I guess its like match.com except for women who like boobies. Okay, so by a show of hands, who all likes boobies? *puts hand up and looks around*. Awesome, me too! I'm so glad we have something in common. You and I will get along juuuuust fine.

Let's see…what else is going on? Oh! I updated my myspace page. I got one of those super fancy flash pages. The only downside is tweaking the html code. It is a pain in my ass. Right now there is this Linkin Park image on my page and it's just lame. I need to put a cool pic up there…like the one I have of Kelly Clarkson straddling me. Yeah that one would be nice.

OH GOD! You wont believe this site I found. It's like a douchebags mecca. I typed "pain in my ass" in google and found the site. It's so egotistical I swear to god I felt an imaginary penis jump out of the screen and smack me in my face. GRRR. So let's all take a little field trip over to a place where apparently, women are only good at one thing…making babies and "every woman is a cheating whore"*shaking head* You can just call me "angryface".

Okay so let's end on a good note shall we?

It's about time for me to hit the streets and make some money. I mean go to starbucks and be a receptionist. I hope you all enjoy your weekends! I'll get at you when I get back from LA…

"They're hot circles tend to give me some hope, yeah"

- J

Lay me down

2007-09-28T00:54:00.001-07:00

Oh god, it's late. Well not super late. I have a long day ahead of me...today. Just wanted to talk about the things that make me smile before I hit the sheets.

-Lyrics to yummy songs
-Not having a care in the world
-Seeing my baby girls face
-Knowing that someone, somewhere loves me
-Cuddled up with someone you love
-Feeling like no one can bring you down
-Friends that can listen to you vent without SOMEHOW making it about them
-A slice of cheese
-Ice Cream
-Supportive friends and family
-Finding money in jeans
-Mexican food late at night
-Pez and chocolate
-Feeling sexy
-Backslashing all the bullshit out of your life

Okay thats all I have for tonight. I leave tomorrow for LA pretty much right after work. I haven't decided yet if I am going to bring my laptop. I might bring it to do a webcam episode with Arlan if I can persuade her to do it for her viewers. But I'm not promising anything. I am pretty much packed and ready to go...so if I end up bringing my laptop look forward to another post. If not then you probably won't get one until Tuesday :[ But I am sure I will have lots to talk about since I will be attending the Terra Naomi show and seeing Itty Bitty Titty Committee.

Happy hunting Friday and Saturday night. Hope you all have good hook ups. I'll be at the bar asking for drinks and texting. It's just how I do.

If you see me out, buy me a drink would ya? This bitch could use it.

Night!

-J

Who knows, what's lurking there....UGH.

2007-09-27T15:38:00.000-07:00

My mind is so far from my body today it's ridiculous. I started my day off with some stupid texts from my ex that made me just feel…..angry and hurt. I've spent my day with my head in the clouds thinking about all sorts of things and trying to find some sort of solution.

Problem is, I found the solution but it's not working. I feel like I have this huge ball of undigested cheese in my stomach. [I love cheese] BUT, I know this much. I like me. I mean myself and ME have been friends for…*stops and thinks*…almost 23 years now. Me and myself have a great time together, I'm always here for me, and I make an awesome homemade spaghetti and garlic bread. SO I have to learn to start doing things that help me take care of me and myself. This includes:

-Finding solace in knowing that people get what they deserve.
-As long as I do the best that I can and give 110%, I'll sleep just fine.
-There's going to be people who want to bring me down, but they can only do that if I LET THEM.
-It pays to take the high road
-Don't stress or fret over the things that I cannot change.
-Take it one day at a time and JUST BREATHE.
-Remembering that I have people who support and love me.

So I need to laugh and I need to smile. PLUS! Those things burn calories. I totally need it. Tonight I need to pack for LA. After my day today I totally need to get away. Tomorrow is going to be jam packed but I'm ready for it. I'm ready for a little "pants-around-my-ankles" kinda fun. Just kidding! More like: "funny-movie-with-a-long-beach iced-tea-and-good-conversation" kind of fun. OH and I need to shop. Good thing cuz this Saturday I am sooooooooo doing it. I'll be sure to tell you all what I get.

Anyone have any plans for tonight? Oh and did anyone catch the season premiere of Till Death? I don't have cable, but I think I can watch it online. Also, when does Prison Break start? I find it funny that they can take one simple act of breaking out of prison, and drag it out soooooo long. These guys have been breaking out of prison for like, what, 4 seasons now? It's still fantastic. Michael Scoffield is one of those rare guys that I would totally sleep with. He's in the 20% of my 80/20 lifestyle.

So for me, its back to grinding the day away and I hope you all enjoy your nights.

-J

***Theme for the post: Under the Influence of Giants – In the Clouds

Talk slow to me love...

2007-09-26T00:02:00.000-07:00

I've got somemusic pouring in my ears cuz it's one of those nights where I can't sleep and feel incredibly bored. It's like my eyes are searching for something good to look at and can't find anything satisfying. Now I'm left thinking how I should have enjoyed more the good I HAD seen tonight. Bleh. My mind's just sitting here racing, thinking of my life's "this and that's" AND about that little old Asian lady that did one of those fast "oh my god get your dog away from me" walks past Chloe this afternoon. She did it like she was some sort of pit bull or something. Jesus Christ lady....shes like a foot tall. And wearing a tie. Cue angry confused face.

My next couple of days are going to be kind of busy. I had an incredibly busy WORK day today. But the next few will be busy AFTER work. I have lots of packing to do because I am going to LA this weekend. I am going to visit my grandma, hang out with Arlan and go to the Terra Naomi show. It's been a while since I've seen my grandma so it will be nice. Also the last time I saw her I was straight...haha. So it'll be interesting.

OH and oh my god can we talk about SON?! Stop reading now if you don't want any spoilers. So! Last episode ended with Spencer showing up at Ashley's place in nothing but a trench coat and heels. All this comes after Ashley was a fucking great ex girlfriend and got Spencer's mom to go to Pride to support Spencer. Spencer realizes how fucking awesome Ashley is for doing this and how much Ashley has changed. All this time Ashley has realized how Spencer is the girl for her. Insert sigh here _____. AHHH! I was so excited when I saw that damn trench coat hit the floor. Damn Spencer is hot...and not to mention the patent leather pumps? Good call Spence. Does this mean the rebirth of Spashley? And most importantly, can we move this show to Showtime so they can show Ashley get at Spencer? Preferably up against a wall, or on a table? Or my bed? I just washed the sheets. That would be awesome. Screw Christmas presents, that's all I want.

Here are some awesome screen shots: [Let's just all hold hands and look together]

mmhmm...okay...

Good point. I was thinking the SAME thing....

I couldn't agree more...*nodding*

Bitch better be smiling.

Now wasn't that nice? It left me feeling all warm and fuzzy. Come cuddle? Sweet. I'll leave the door unlocked. Can't promise Chloe won't bark tho :|

On that note I leave with a list of songs I can't stop playing! Enjoy:

Klaxons - Golden Skans
M.I.A. - Come Around (feat. Timbaland)
Justice - TTHHEE PPAARRTTYY
Tegan & Sara - I know, I know, I know and Speak Slow
Rooney - When did your heart go missing
The Chalets - Nightrocker
Under the Influence of Giants - Lay me down
YACHT - See a penny

Goodnight ladies,

-J

FACE? Yes....I'm the OG Face.

2007-09-23T19:52:00.002-07:00

Hello Ladies. It's about that time for an update since it's been FOREVER since I posted. Don't be disappointed though!

What I'm listening to right now: The love that I crave - The Blow
How my day was: Awesome. I did almost nothing and it was perfect.
Highlight of my day: I spent about an hour cuddling with Chloe. I love her smell.
Lowlight of my day: I hate Target on the weekends.
One thing you probably didn't know about me: I love the word FACE. I use it all the time. I attach it to other words, and I always say it a little differently when I use it in a sentence with other words. I call Chloe "FACE". OR ChloeFace. I'm just a Face. My loved ones all have Faces that I love. You'll find me asking them "How's your face?". I'm weird.

Moving on...

So I haven't posted since Thursday, so to make up for it, I took more pics. I grabbed the love of my life (Chloe) and turned on the webcam. I am pretty sure she is sick of having her pic taken but she's going to have to just deal with it. Oh and by the way, she is totally wearing a tie. I swear to god shes the dog version of Ellen.

And can you believe I haven't seen a douche bag all weekend? I can't believe it. OH WAIT. I take that back. I saw an Italian shoe douche at Cheesecake. Damn it. I thought it was quite possible that I hadn't. OH and this coming weekend I am going to be in LA visiting my grandma and catching the Terra Naomi show. Check out some of Terra's songs on mybreast. I mean on myspace. Gosh. Sorry about that. My minds in the gutter. Well...not just my mind, my whole damn body.

K kiddies...I end this post with:
"You remember the route to her heart from her thighs" *Ahem* Hot.

Now you just think about that.

Perky boobies to you all!

-J