Thursday, October 8, 2009


First off, Chloe is adorable. But. And I seriously mean but, I don't know why her breath smells like Taco Bell. I swear to god, it smells like a ground beef crunchy taco. I wonder what she got into today. Either way, I am seriously thinking of finding a Taco Bell and getting some food.

I've had a lot of ideas for blogs lately, but I can't get to a computer soon enough to get all my ideas out and into good form. AND by the end of the day, I've forgotten most of my ideas. I think I might buy one of those little recorders that I can carry around all day. You know those ones that newspaper journalists carry around? Like: "October 8th....3 o'clock....focusing on my surrounding elements...Chloe's breath, it smells of something delicious. Something meaty. Something
that would only cost 99 cents. Something that would give me cellulite if I had too much." Yeah, one of those. It would definitely allow me to get all my ideas out but I guarantee I would use it for something inappropriate. I'd probably end up recording fake sex noises and then crank calling people with it. Like call one of my the noise....hang up...and then text them "Whoops sorry, didn't mean to call you". Leave it to me to do some stupid shit like that.

I was checking my stat counter today, and it's hilarious the things that people search for that land them on my page. I've gone through and highlighted some of my favorites so here is the list:

drill down618.75%who killed jenny schecter
drill down515.63%t-shirt killes jenny c.
drill down26.25%best looking muschi
drill down13.13%sarah shahi y brandon boyd
drill down13.13%random slanting
drill down13.13%vagina lift pic
drill down13.13%what to do if you swallow purell
drill down13.13%mario bros family
drill down13.13%who killes jenny
drill down13.13%who killed jenny shirt
drill down13.13%hört auf deutsch zu reden
drill down13.13%giant vagina
drill down13.13%what is the purpose for having a vagina lift
drill down13.13%i killed jenny schecter t-shirt
drill down13.13%how killed jenny schecter
drill down13.13%who kills jenny schecter
drill down13.13%youtube jescas88
drill down13.13%who killed jenny?
drill down13.13%vagaina lift
drill down13.13%pop my cherry video
drill down13.13%tegan and sara tater tot casserole recipe
drill down13.13%i'm just sayin family guy

I love that the people looking for these things ended up on MY BLOG. And who was looking for me on youtube?! So good! I bet they wished I had some videos. I don't think I do though. Another favorite is someone searched for "giant vagina" and found my blog. I mean, giant vagina??? I would really appreciate it, if we all could keep the name calling to a minimum. I mean, it's true, I am...but you can call me Jess. Or....Jface. Or Jmoney. Hell you can even call me the "undeniably beautiful all holy virginal one". I mean, whatever floats your boat...I'm

Speaking of being down [<----I mean this in a totally non-sexual way, you pervs] I haven't been down lately AT ALL. I've been so do I put it...."la-la-la". I swear to all that is holy above, I am like one step away from skipping and whistling everywhere i go. That's just how happy I am. If anyone wants to borrow any money from me, now is the time to ask, because I am in such a good mood all of the time I probably wouldn't say no. I know just who to thank for that :) [FYI I totally meant that in a sexual way. I was lyin through my teeth when I said that I didn't. Haha]

In other news. I hate that whole Twilight thing going on. It's nonsense. AND I HATE Harry Potter. These books aren't teaching our youth...these young impressionable minds anything about the real life. You can't just wave a fuckin stick in the air to get yourself out of a jam. You think some chick who got knocked up can pick up a ruler and suddenly have all her troubles go away? No. That stick wont drive her ass down to Planned Parenthood to wait in line for six hours for a check up. That stick won't give her a ride to the unemployment office so she can suck on the good ole American tit for free, and then come to find out she really used that money to get a mani-pedi, a pack of marlbros and a box of wine. And that stick sure as hell wont keep her baby daddy around. I'm just sayin'. ( I have no clue where that came from) :)

Also, you know what else I hate? Yellow smiley faces, people who don't use their blinker correctly, the fact that my car is ALWAYS DIRTY (I wash that damn thing all the time!), loud motor cycles, onions, Dennis Leary....and penis. Those are just a few things. Believe me. That last thing is a big one though.


I'm off to do a myspace survey. Geez those are soooooooo 2005.

- J


Anonymous said...

I have to agree with you on loud motorcycles. Some idiot used to drive his down the street in the early morning hours where my girlfriend used to live always waking us up. As for penis I just manage to avoid it. Although I do admit that the girl who brought the giant balloon one the bar recently and kept waving it in everyone's face was annoying.

jescas said...

penis waving in any form is a big no-no.

i hope you popped her balloon.

what is it with penis balloons? vagina balloons are much better.