Saturday, November 21, 2009

LOL

So good. ;] January.



- J

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

This is for GROWN FOLKS

....specifically, grown lesbians.

Don't like two hot chicks? Don't watch. Its that nipple simple.


Cigar Rolling - Watch more Funny Videos

A little *food for thought*

- J

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Someone like you...

I want something to move me. I want something to move like me like my favorite acoustic song. I have so much to give, so much to contribute, but yet I feel so fruitless. No outlet. My biggest worry is settling into something in this life that leaves me unfulfilled. Something that leaves me feeling like I've given less than my potential. Too much passion moves me. Too much feeling dictates my every move; my every thought. What is my calling? I don't know.

Birthday is coming up. The "big" 25. What has become of me? What have I seen? I've experienced plenty. I've created memories. I've made friends, and through the years have learned who I can turn to. But never in my life do I want to become stagnant. I never want to feel as though I'm living day to day. I want to make something of myself. Even if it is someone small. I want to be somebody.

I feel as though I have all this energy locked inside of me with no outlet. I write, and I write. I draw and I draw. I go throughout my day with lyrics flowing through my head, but what do I do with them? Is it ever enough to make a living? Is making a living ever better than becoming someone?

Unfortunately in this day there are bills to be paid. Money is needed to keep you going, but what about becoming something you've always dreamed of? Am I doing it all in enough time? Sure, I could pick something. I could settle into a career, anything of my choice. But am I really becoming someone special? I've this creative energy that I don't know what to do with. I guess I don't have the balls enough to follow my dreams. That car insurance, that rent wont pay itself if I write some lyrics or draw something.

Where do I go from here? I don't know. Where am I going? I don't know. The "self-help" section at Borders wont help. I envy those who have followed their hearts to create realities of their dreams.

Hahaha...


Sooo goooood...



- J



Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Mac and cheese....

I LOVE IT. That's all.

I just love it. And this is how I eat it...except MUCH faster because I have better hand mouth coordination....



This kid has the right fuckin' idea.

Signing off...

- J

Friday, October 16, 2009

F*ck homework...I'm checking out music online

Yeah, I said it. It's Friday night and I deserve to let my hair down a lil bit. So this is what I did: I cloesd my book and opened iTunes. AND guess what I came across....Tegan and Sara, their new album SAINTHOOD releases October 27th...that's just around the corner! Guess what I did? I pre-ordered it. Yes I did. An' another thing...Sara is fucking hot. I mean, I know all my fellow lezzies out there totally swoon over Tegan, but I think Sara is hotter. They swoon over Tegan like the Japanese swoon over David-fucking-Hasselhoff.

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And in my online travels of trying to find the ridiculous picture above...I find out Germany ALSO has a thing for the Hoff! Unbelievable. What is it with this guy.

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So good. Anyways, lets get back to Sara. The picture below says it alllllllllllll.

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Yup. That JUST happened. I was searching for their songs on youtube and you can find about half of the album on there because they have been playing the songs live. Obviously the sound quality is crap, but you can still get a sneak peek :] As I was looking for songs, I came across one that rocked.my.socks. Go ahead....let this marinate for a second:



Okay, enough of this shizzz. I am off to do homework, FOR REAL. No more blogging. No more browsing online for music. No more hunting down sexay pictures of the Hoff.

Happy Friday everyone!

- J

*sets textbooks on fire*

For the record....

Economics is the devil in 'useless-knowledge-crap-I'll-never-fucking-use-again' form.

AND yes, it's Friday night and I'm doing homework.


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the.end.

- J

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

I'm telling you...

Every curve I take slowly. I want to remember your ride. Turn my head with slight. To get a quick glimpse of those eyes. Such delicately planned words from inside. Twist and fumble their way out. Hands accelerating with ease. Pleased to tease. Buckle up and weaken those knees. By now a thousand times she said. The things I've only read. Or perhaps heard about. She said. The things I'd never dreamed up or believed could be. She said so with foreign lips that slip, trip and stir up me. Sparked a romance. Her smile, over the shoulder. Oh, that upward glance. That one day, from down there, in front of, that place. Where our hearts raced. Drove away, and haven't been back. But how I revisit again and again. Oh, I'm telling you, I've told you but still...I've got to say it again. To you, for you, so you see, just how I do.....I love you...

Love, Me

Friday, October 9, 2009

Just one of them days

I'm having a day. I don't know why. And it's days like these that I think to myself, "you are such a girl!" Mood swings. Spontaneous bouts of loneliness, totally lame. Wanting to turn off my phone to the whole world except for ONE person. Disconnect you know? I don't want to see anyone or talk to anyone because I don't want them to get my bad mojo. Who knows. And I'll take this time to thank God for making me a woman. That was said packed full with sarcasm.

Why couldn't I be a guy and be completely void of these feelings? Just sit there, scratch my nuts and watch a football game; completely content with my fuzzy balls and my beer. Actually no, I'd hate to be a guy. Cuz then I'd have to be macho and prove to the world my manliness. I'd have to buy a REALLY big truck and rev it really loud. I'd have to know how to do everything my WAY and ONLY my way. Eh, I'd have to have a penis. You can't "scissor" with a penis. LOL.

So this song cheered me up today. Mostly because it's how I feel today.



Who remembers that song?! SO gooood. Classic Macy Gray. Well most of her shit is classic cuz she hasn't come out with anything else.

Hope everyone has a wonderful Friday night. I'm off to do something with myself.

Um. That sounded bad. Kinda perverted...but what I meant was, I am going to go do something to distract myself.

Okay, still sounds perverted. Is it just me? LOL.

Niiiighty,
- J


Thursday, October 8, 2009

Randoms

First off, Chloe is adorable. But. And I seriously mean but, I don't know why her breath smells like Taco Bell. I swear to god, it smells like a ground beef crunchy taco. I wonder what she got into today. Either way, I am seriously thinking of finding a Taco Bell and getting some food.

I've had a lot of ideas for blogs lately, but I can't get to a computer soon enough to get all my ideas out and into good form. AND by the end of the day, I've forgotten most of my ideas. I think I might buy one of those little recorders that I can carry around all day. You know those ones that newspaper journalists carry around? Like: "October 8th....3 o'clock....focusing on my surrounding elements...Chloe's breath, it smells...it smells of something delicious. Something meaty. Something
that would only cost 99 cents. Something that would give me cellulite if I had too much." Yeah, one of those. It would definitely allow me to get all my ideas out but I guarantee I would use it for something inappropriate. I'd probably end up recording fake sex noises and then crank calling people with it. Like call one of my friends...play the noise....hang up...and then text them "Whoops sorry, didn't mean to call you". Leave it to me to do some stupid shit like that.

I was checking my stat counter today, and it's hilarious the things that people search for that land them on my page. I've gone through and highlighted some of my favorites so here is the list:


drill down618.75%who killed jenny schecter
drill down515.63%t-shirt killes jenny c.
drill down26.25%best looking muschi
drill down13.13%sarah shahi y brandon boyd
drill down13.13%random slanting
drill down13.13%vagina lift pic
drill down13.13%what to do if you swallow purell
drill down13.13%mario bros family
drill down13.13%who killes jenny
drill down13.13%who killed jenny shirt
drill down13.13%hört auf deutsch zu reden
drill down13.13%giant vagina
drill down13.13%what is the purpose for having a vagina lift
drill down13.13%i killed jenny schecter t-shirt
drill down13.13%how killed jenny schecter
drill down13.13%who kills jenny schecter
drill down13.13%youtube jescas88
drill down13.13%who killed jenny?
drill down13.13%vagaina lift
drill down13.13%pop my cherry video
drill down13.13%tegan and sara tater tot casserole recipe
drill down13.13%i'm just sayin family guy

I love that the people looking for these things ended up on MY BLOG. And who was looking for me on youtube?! So good! I bet they wished I had some videos. I don't think I do though. Another favorite is someone searched for "giant vagina" and found my blog. I mean, giant vagina??? I would really appreciate it, if we all could keep the name calling to a minimum. I mean, it's true, I am...but you can call me Jess. Or....Jface. Or Jmoney. Hell you can even call me the "undeniably beautiful all holy virginal one". I mean, whatever floats your boat...I'm
*down*.

Speaking of being down [<----I mean this in a totally non-sexual way, you pervs] I haven't been down lately AT ALL. I've been so very....so very...how do I put it...."la-la-la". I swear to all that is holy above, I am like one step away from skipping and whistling everywhere i go. That's just how happy I am. If anyone wants to borrow any money from me, now is the time to ask, because I am in such a good mood all of the time I probably wouldn't say no. I know just who to thank for that :) [FYI I totally meant that in a sexual way. I was lyin through my teeth when I said that I didn't. Haha]

In other news. I hate that whole Twilight thing going on. It's nonsense. AND I HATE Harry Potter. These books aren't teaching our youth...these young impressionable minds anything about the real life. You can't just wave a fuckin stick in the air to get yourself out of a jam. You think some chick who got knocked up can pick up a ruler and suddenly have all her troubles go away? No. That stick wont drive her ass down to Planned Parenthood to wait in line for six hours for a check up. That stick won't give her a ride to the unemployment office so she can suck on the good ole American tit for free, and then come to find out she really used that money to get a mani-pedi, a pack of marlbros and a box of wine. And that stick sure as hell wont keep her baby daddy around. I'm just sayin'. ( I have no clue where that came from) :)

Also, you know what else I hate? Yellow smiley faces, people who don't use their blinker correctly, the fact that my car is ALWAYS DIRTY (I wash that damn thing all the time!), loud motor cycles, onions, Dennis Leary....and penis. Those are just a few things. Believe me. That last thing is a big one though.

Eck.

I'm off to do a myspace survey. Geez those are soooooooo 2005.

- J

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Just thinking out loud

I sat at home tonight going through myspace doing a little "spring cleaning". I mean, it's important to do. It's right up there with paying the bills, going to work and saving the world. Seriously. I started reading old blogs and seeing old pictures and it is just MIND blowing to see the "old" me. So naive, so young, so fresh...and so clean clean. But in all seriousness, its shocking the natural progression of things. You can try and fight it, you can try to resist and push your life down this road you feel is the one you want to take. Unfortunately, at the end of the day if it wasn't supposed to go down that road, it simply won't. The only thing you can guarantee is a lot more heartache along the way. So why not just let things happen naturally? I suppose if we all just let things happen naturally, we wouldn't feel anguish, sadness and therefore never able to appreciate all the good things life has to offer.

I've realized that when I just sit back and let my hands off the wheel, I end up on the right road. I mean this metaphorically of course. I promise I don't just go around driving my car without any hands. Look ma! No hands!

I think that if we experience true heartache, like real heartache, I don't see it as our hearts getting weaker. I see it as our hearts growing stronger. I mean I have felt anguish and heartbreak before but I feel so impermeable to it now. It may have hurt at the time, but I've learned and moved on quickly. I guess its like when you catch your hand on the curling iron or something. You saw it coming, ouch it sucked, but eh, whatever.

I've had so many thoughts running through my head lately they come at me at the most random moments. Waiting in line at Starbucks. The lady asks my order and I am like "Yeah, I can't believe where I am today. I mean, how things have happened so naturally. Things progressed so perfectly without me trying. Things were harder when I forced everything. You know?" Then the lady was like, "Um. Okay. Would you like coffee?"

Okay I didn't really say all that, but you get the idea. Buying cigarettes, driving down the road, listening to music at home, I've been feeling ooodles of inspiration. I wonder what it means? Am I bored? Am I happy? Am I content?

Who fucking cares. Ha. This is what I DO know. I am living and loving hard right now. And I've never been so excited about my future. I am looking forward to so many firsts, and I am lucky to have someone right by my side who is my unconditional.....everything. It's the best way to describe her. My unconditional friend, my unconditional inspiration, my unconditional love. And she's so beautiful, she could wear a chicken suit and she'd be stunning. I do not lie.

I speak only truth :] So here's to navigating through life with no hands; feeling and loving every bump along the way.

For my unconditional everything:


K, nuff of this...it's time for some L Word. :]

- J

Monday, September 28, 2009

Damn baby...

You frustrate me
I know you're mine
All mine, all mine
But you look so good it hurts sometimes...
<3

Who remembers THAT song?! That's a throw back to like, 2001! Good ole John Mayer before he became a douche bag and when his music was actually GOOD. So many artists were actually really good ARTISTS at one point long ago. Lyrically and musically. Oh how times have changed.

I am so freakin sick. But that's okay. I am broke and still buying music on itunes. Lol. Drinking cofee and I shouldn't cuz I have a sore throat. I can't seem to do what's right, oh well :]

I don't have much to report, but maybe in a few days I will. But until then, just let your ears enjoy these songs:

Citizen Cope - Sideways


Fiona Apple - Never is a Promise


Tegan and Sara - Umbrella Cover


Alright, off to bed. G'nite world

- J

Monday, September 21, 2009

Bareboned and crazy...for you

Okay I start this post with a disclaimer: I'm crazy. Just an FYI. Crazy for someone. I mean seriously, if you don't want to hear about it please don't read any further.

But really? I walk all day with this stupid grin on my face. And I love it. People tell me I am glowing...and I can't help but giggle. I honestly have never been so happy. I haven't even thought about any of that stupid shit that normally trips people up. Like, does she like me back? What happens if? What about her ex's? Will she like my mom? Does she like cheese as much as I do? If not, then can she tolerate my addiction? I mean nothing. Everything has felt right.

I am beginning to listen to my gut. My gut is telling me to react like I just won the lottery. Just enjoy. Don't ask why, or what if, just enjoy. And I am.

And why is it that every song I listen to seems like it was written from me to her??? Seriously. Okay most don't like Dave Matthews. But I personally love him. Every song I listen to describes exactly how I feel when she looks my way, smiles my way, reaches for my hand or kisses me on the side of my cheek.

It's all so cliche and "movie moment" but...its just how it is. Fuck, I don't even know where I am going with this. Open letter to myself, bla bla bla. Really hope that no one is reading this. Geez.

So here's a song...and I am adding it because I love this video and want to be able to easily come back to it if i want to watch it. Lol.

This is Dave Matthews' Crash Into Me. I can't embed, but here is the link. Those of you who don't like him, suck it, lie to me and tell me you love him. What I don't know wont hurt me ;]

From me, to her

Come this December I am going to Germany! That's right. Jessica does Germany. I am going to walk around with a camera around my neck, a map in my hand and a leather fanny pack. Snapping pictures and having conversations like this:

Random person: "Guten morgen!"

Me: "Nein"
Random person: "Was?"
Me: "Muschi"
Random person: "Muschi???? Ich habe gesagt 'guten morgen'"
Me: "Geburtstag geschlecht"

Random person: "
hört auf deutsch zu reden"
Me: "Sehr gut."

That's just a quick snippet of what is to come. Lots of laughs, lots of good times. I am pretty sure I'll get a little drunk while I am there ;]. And I for sure will get lots of her. I can't wait. Christmas in Germany, here I come.

Until then I say to you, "
Bis später"

<3
-J

Monday, September 14, 2009

I have no title

I got nothin'. No title. Just a random post for tonight.

I find it so funny that being tortured and sad makes for much better inspiration than happiness. Maybe it is just me, but when I am sad and down I have SO MUCH more to write about. I suppose it is just how it goes. All I can say when I am happy is, "I am happy". Well, that's what I can say to the world. Its because I can't even begin to articulate how happy I am, so why even try? People wont even begin to understand. I have no problem telling the person who is making happy exactly how I feel though.

I can explain that the I love that little crease where their nose meets their face. And how that spot holds their skins smell. The way their side feels. You know, the spot right in between their ribs and their hips, that little curve, how it feels when I have my arm draped over it at night when we are both sleepy and falling into dreams. How their leg feels when we are laying facing each other, and it hikes itself up to pry my legs apart to rest in between. The feeling of unconditional love that comes when the car is parked, and I get a kiss. Just because we are stopped. And how that love makes me lose myself in depths of them that only I can reach.

But I think that is a little more than people want to hear when they ask...how are you? Maybe I should just print that on a little card. Oh I know, I can laminate it! I look for ANY reason to laminate something. :]

Normally, I don't listen to mainstream R&B hits. I mean they are great for a club, and a good remix is always good. But lately, I am all about them. Cuz they make me think of her. It is ridiculous! I love that kind of love where you look in the mirror and just go..."My god, you are ridiculous. This is crazy. Too good to be true" But it is. Then I remind myself, it's fate.

So if you see me on the freeway you'll see:
1. Windows down
2. Me smoking a Camel No. 9
3. Drinking some sort of Starbucks
4. Stereo playing either of the following: Birthday sex, I know you want me, Meet me halfway, Best I ever had, Be on you, Sex on fire, or any Dave Matthews band song where he sings about love.
5. Me screaming and singing along to any of the above.
6. I may or may not be dancing in my seat.

Just a warning. Don't point and laugh! Just remember....I'm happy! I know, its freakin' ridiculous.

Actually, I kind of did write a lot about happiness. Hmmm...maybe I was wrong ;]

I am RARELY wrong...seriously, but maybe this time I am. Relish it.

Bed time. Well not really bed, but I have someone very important to talk to, and I think she's up now.

Niiiiiight!

- J

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

I'm just sayin'

No one, should ever, ever, use the word "chillaxin". Well, it's not even a word. But still. Don't ever use it. Santa isn't real, there is no tooth fairy who leaves you money under your pillow while you sleep, there is never any justified reason to ever wear spandex, "chilaxin" isnt a word, and if you use it, I wont talk to you.

Phew. Feels good to get that off my chest. *giggle*. I said "chest". Lol.

Couldn't find my straightener this morning, didn't have time to find hair product, so therefore, I look like ass. At least I have my Starbucks Doubleshot with Energy + Coffee.


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Worked late today and wanted to do my paper but I left my damn book at work! So it's laundry and cleaning my room tonight. Paper will have to wait until tomorrow. Geez, school sucks. *shakes fists in air, and in dramatic tone says* "there's gotta be another way!!!!"

In other news, I have a new favorite song :] Well, when don't I?! Check it:



And I saw the movie 500 Days of Summer with a special someone, and I loved it! If you haven't seen it, then, not cool. You must.



I want you so bad, its my only wish <3

Alright it's off to finish laundry. Everyone have a good night and remember, don't ever use the non-word "chillaxin". I mean it.

- J

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

The sex pyramid

Life isnt all fruits and grains and shit....

It should include sex! And all of these kinds...to that I say, please, yes, yes, yes, yes please, I'll have that!

Yes please



Man, this is amazing. This is the best thing I have heard of all day. Now, it's all just a matter of doing it! Hmm, therein lies the problem. :]

I encourage you all to give this a shot. Let me know how it goes for ya!

-J

Saturday, July 11, 2009

OC lesbians?! OH my!

WHY DIDN'T I WATCH THIS?!

Apparently there are some chicks that were on the OC, Marissa and Alex?! They like make out and enjoy each other's company and shit.

Why didn't anyone tell me about this?! You know, I really rely on my lesbian phone tree for things like this. This is what its for!

I blame Arlan. With how much we exchange information about lesbians and lesbian happenings there is no reason this should have happened. But the silver lining is....there's youtube. :] And now we can all watch it!!!!



Just FYI that chick who isn't Mischa Barton, is Olivia Wilde. She is the same chick that is said to spend an awfully a lot of time with Megan Fox. So much that Brian Austin Greendouche has taken a notice.

Yeah, we like her.

You know, rated R lesbianism is cool in movies and on TV [like L Word], but there's something about PG and PG-13 lesbianism that's pretty hot. The clip above, in my opinion is PG-13 lesbianism. Below is a list of some of my favorite PG and PG-13 lez scences, on shows or in films. Heh, what a tease ;]

5. Vicky Christina Barcelona. My girl Scarlett and Penelope Cruz kissing in a dark room. Two things only actually wrong with this: 1. Scene wasn't long enough. 2. I wasn't invited.



4. Calista Flockhart and Lucy Liu on Ally McBeal. I was young, and for some reason, super obsessed with Ally McBeal. Now I know why. Because I was super gay. AND because the show had Portia De Rossi and Lucy Liu. And they were always kissing girls. Hmmm. If only I knew then what I know now. This vid has no sound. But that's okay, we don't need noise. Just watch.



3. Ayiiia from Real World. She's got a shitty attitude. BUT she's hot. So just don't listen to her...just *watch* her do her thing :]. I love Real World Cancun.



2. Lost and Delirious. Piper Perabo is hot. End of story. And this story is beautiful. We were all rooting for Paulie and Tori. This is hands down a classic lezzy film. Again, why wasn't I there?!



1. Spashley from South of Nowhere. Ashley is that hot edgy lez that falls for the christian girl next door surprise dyke. The "N" network recently cancelled this show which was a stupid stupid move. Mostly because I've been sending nasty hate mail, but this just means one less show that could reach audiences and potentially help pave the road to equality. Either way, Ashley is hot, Spencer is hot, and we are reminded of how hot they are together, every epsidoe. Thats why this show is my favorite form of PG lesbianism.



Now, please remember, there is so MUCH MORE. But these are just my top 5 PG and PG-13 lesbian moments. Don't even get me started on the movie Wild Things, Rachel Shelley in ANY sex scene on the L Word, or Lena Headley and Piper Perabo in Imagine Me & You.

Happy Saturday to all ;]

- J

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Whoa

Maybe I'm the only one...but I totally thought this was Madonna...


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lol.

- J

Monday, June 22, 2009

So good

I love cheese. But do I love it THIS much? Hmm...bouncing through my day with the delicious aftertaste of cheetos on my lips? Some would say ew, but to that I say, what a delight!


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Oh and on the way home I was listening to some old school Snoop and the lyrics were pretty raunchy. I was thinking to myself, what's with all this nonsense now-a-days about vulgar lyrics and so on...then I realized, its because white people never used to listen to rap music back then!!! Duh! Reminds me of when my dad HATED the idea that I wanted a Boyz II Men cd...ahh yes, Boyz II Men. And the cd I wanted? Their Christmas album. What did he think was going to happen to me listening to their soulful rendition of Noel?! I'd lower my car, throw in some hydraulics and a tiny steering wheel, and wear baggy pants with a red rag hanging out of my back pocket?? Really? Cuz I was gonna do that anyways, with or without the CD.

Also while I'm at it. This is for the silver mitsubishi on the freeway today. The lights on a car that you use to signal...they are also called "indicators". They are actually used to "indicate" to other drivers your desire to change lanes or to exit so you can do so safely. That's right! They're more than just blinky lights. How bout you remember that the next time your car is 3/4 into my lane and you turn it on for about 1 second. I'm sending you the bill for the next set of break pads I need, asshole. Oh and....you're ugly.

Off to watch those awesome trashy VH1 shows I love so much!

- J


Wednesday, April 22, 2009

One Word

Gross.

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Yum.

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Cutest.

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Addicting.

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Hilarious.


Fun.

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Funny.


Brava.

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Scrumptilicious.

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Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Twitterdoo

Looking for backgrounds for my twitter page on google and I came across a website called:

Pimp my twitter.

That's just wrong.

That's all, for now. It's time for some shut eye.

- J

Salad Sexcapade

I must admit, I make a bangin' salad. Chunks of avacado coupled with ripe roma tomatoes, bountiful eggs, yummy snapea crisps, drizzled with *lite* ranch on a bed of fresh romaine. Next time I'll take a picture. Roll that beautiful bean footage.

Hmm what's new with me. Lets see, besides my amazing salad making skills, I realized I can indeed survive without cable. Our "smartcard" (if it was smart it would have automatically updated via satellite, but whatever, I'm not bitter) expired like, oh I don't know, years ago [3 weeks ago]. Dish is supposed to be sending us a new one...but is it here? No. Did they get a polite call from me asking for assitance? But of course, I'm always a lady. I used phrases like "I got disconnected 3 times already lady!", "I really don't understand why this is so difficult, I just need a smartcard because mine expired forever ago" and "Fine, let me speak to your manager". See? Very polite. Here we are, 15 years later, and I've missed Tough Love, Rock of Love Bus, AND the United States of Tara. Nurse Jackie is starting on Showtime soon, and if I miss that, Dish is getting a rude letter. Okay maybe not "survive" in the traditional sense of the word, but yeah....Dish sucks.

In other news, I just purchased the album "Swoon" by Silversun Puckups. One word: jizz-worthy. Wait, is that two words? Who knows. Whatever.

Okay off to the gym. This entry was short. Bleh.

:]

- J

Saturday, March 28, 2009

It's his fault

So my personal trainer, David Williams, expects me to build him a shrine. He wants me to do this because he enjoys to hear me bitch and complain and crawl along the floor, because I am too damn weak and sore to do anything else. His "super legs" are anything but super. Definitely not "super" at 6:30 in the morning before work. Super would be...lets see...a shmoke and a panacke, a bong and a blitz, or a crepe and a pipe.

This entry is for David.

He rules all.
He is the best.
Everybody hopes to be just like him.
Chuck Norris doesn't have shit on David.


Oh and David's tears cure cancer; too bad he never cries.

So if at anytime over the next couple weeks I am pissing and moaning...don't blame me. Blame him. It's his fault. But hopefully soon, my body will be bangin, and that'll be his fault too!

Happy Saturday to all! I'm off to partake in a little partay tonight for a friend. Be safe, don't drink and drive, and come to the bar and buy me a drink.

- J

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Who killed Jenny Schecter?!

Did you?!

Get the shirts here!

http://ikilledjennyschecter.com/

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Out of his mind

No wonder Christian Bale was so perfect for the American Psycho role. It seems he simply portrayed himself! And not only that, but this totally explains the recent assault charges against him filed by his own family. Well done Christian Bale, well done. You are what I like to call "douchetastic"!



-J

Friday, January 2, 2009

My list

So most couples have the "freebie list". Such list means if at sometime, for some reason, god decides to be very nice to me, and the following ladies get so drunk, they think I'm Justin Timberlake or Johnny Depp and sleep with me, Diana can't get mad. After careful deliberation, I unveil to you, my celebrity freebie list:

- Kate Hudson
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- Eva Mendes
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- Pink
pink

- Sarah Shahi
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- Scarlett Johansson
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People that came very close to being on the list, or might have been kicked off the list include:

- Charlize Theron.
I mean c'mon, yowza. She is truly beautiful, but seems a little too straight for me.
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- Piper Perabo
She takes lezzy roles. She does it like its natural. And she looks damn fine doing it. But alas, not everyone can make the list.
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- Rachel Shelley
Um. I don't know why she's not on my list. I may have to rethink some things.
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Ugh, still sick :[ For christ sake, someone bring me some cheese!

-J

Ah, my hero

Only veteran comedian Kathy Griffin can make a prostitute blush. For those of you NOT tuning into CNN for watching the ball drop [who really would anyway] this is what went down when someone mistakenly decided to heckle Kathy Griffin.



Brava. I know that people are probably outraged, but I'm sure those people laughed and nodded in agreement when they heard that. Right before they started typing out an outraged email to CNN headquarters.

There is this realness about Kathy Griffin. She is more real than those true life documentaries on MTV about "Head Cheerleader: It's no ra ra ra" or "Douchebag: its not all pooka shell necklaces and tattered abercrombie jeans". It's real life.

Welp I'm sick. I've got me a good ole sinus infection. That's okay, it just gives me a reason to OD on dayquil. Happy new year!

-J