Thursday, February 21, 2008

My Lesbian Agenda

First off, my own personal gay agenda is far from what the republican, homophobic [expletive] *coughasshole’scough* believe the gay agenda is. My *points at self with both hands* own personal gay agenda is all in the name of science. A few weeks ago I saw an article on AOL saying that two female rats made sweet, tender and rough when they needed to be love with each other. The result. A beautiful baby girl. That’s right, two scientists made two girl rats have sex and make a baby without the help of any males or sperm. I’m totally going to ignore the fact that most likely, some douchebage scientist was like “Hey, let’s make two girl rats do it. It’ll be hott.” Whatever. But now, I’ve taken it into my own hands. Without anybody even needing to ask, I have stepped up and made it my personal goal, to have as much sex with a woman as possible to get her pregnant. The results have been astounding. Let me tell you that much. I’m all about making the world a better place, you know? I just want to do my part.

But really, it’s absurd to say that the “gay agenda” is to turn young adults and children into “being gay” as if it were a choice. It’s just as absurd as saying that I’m going to eat your baby, screw a goat, or watch El Cantante with J Lo and Marc Anthony. Fuck off with that. I will absolutely NOT watch El Cantante with J Lo and Marc Anthony. In fact, I am taking PRO ACTIVE steps to make sure that they never ever share the big screen again. If they wanna make movies, let’s keep it with a camcorder, in the bedroom, on a sex swing, bound and gagged like the rest of America. I mean, really.

If educating people about the homosexual lifestyle is really a means to turn someone gay, then I argue that teaching drug prevention promotes doing drugs, or educating people about alcohol abuse promotes alcoholism. What is sad is that the very same country that claims to send the message that we are all free to be ourselves, to learn, live and love equally shoulder to shoulder with everyone, is completely shifting focus off the real point. I’m not saying I’m surprised. I mean our government, in this country, lying to us?! NO way! Our government? The same government that screws us three ways from Sunday and isn’t even kind enough to give us a reach around?! Fuckin’ say it ain’t so.

What the real goal is to teach awareness. To teach diversity and tolerance. America is one huge melting pot orgy. We have to learn how to live with each other, tolerate each other, and respect the fact that we share different thoughts, morals, and most importantly, lifestyles. Just like, say, you might want to watch El Cantante. I mean, I can piss and moan, and explain to you that the movie will be so bad it will hurt you and make you cry, but at the end of the day it’s your choice. Depends on if you want to be a rebel that day or not. I have to respect that. I mean, me being gay I am just asking that people treat me no differently than your average Marc Anthony, respect my lifestyle and respect who I am and understand it is not something I stumbled upon. And by no means is it “an easy way out”. In fact I must be pretty strong in my convictions to deal with the harsh reality of what it entails to be gay.

Because really, who would “choose” this life? With this “decision” comes knowing that you will not be as welcomed anymore, the possibility that loved ones in your life will no longer accept you, the chance that a complete stranger will choose to harass you or harm you based solely on who you are holding hands with, the ridiculous notion that you’ll be attracted and oogle over ANYONE of your same sex. Pfft. Yeah, right, some people can be so self righteous. Just because I make out with women, does NOT mean just because you are not a man, I want you. This is not true. I’m just as picky and bitchy as I was before when I was dating men thank you oh so very much. I look at it this way, me asking for your acceptance is not me asking YOU (meaning straight people) to get at a chick. I’m not forcing you to take on a stone butch…although you might want to think about it, they’ll tear your shit up. True story.

So on that note I say, love who you will, move ahead, take care of yourself, family and loved ones, and remember, that fate is a bitch. The more you hate in this life, the more you’ll be hated in the next. And lets hope to god Elton John isn’t ruling the place, or you’ll probably find a nice hard cock up your bum for eternity.

Tough life.

As for me, I love life. Life is being good to me. I’m grateful.

So grateful, Im thinking of renting El Cantante.

Bahaha. What a joke. I will not.



Noha said...

Pretty sure this is your best post to date. I do however have a couple things to say about it.

1. The post was so good im pregnant by it.

2. I'm sad, because I was hoping you could hump me into pregnancy.


Bravo on a great post though. I'm up for science anytime.

-giggity giggity ALRIGHT-

aimeetoons said...

*standing-O* (take that however you want lol)
and I was curious about this AOL article that you were referring to, but all I could find was this...

enjoy ;-)

aimeetoons said...

awww man, it cut off the url

Here's the part that got cut off:


Anonymous said...

Friggin brilliant post! You rock my world xx

lisa said...

haha ...
so true it hurts..
in a GOOD way though...
I think i MIGHT be pregnant now :/


highly said...

You know, my ex and I tried to get each other pregnant all the time... maybe we just weren't doing it enough... we did quit our jobs though....

Excellent post, I've been waiting for a golden nugget such as this, and it's perfect to get me ready to go out and get girls pregnant on a Friday night.... Thanks for the pep talk!

th-Inker said...

nice post... I'm a slacker and only reading it five days late.... w/e

nice to see you again ;)

Princesa said...

The things we must do in the name of science.

I have a strange urge to watch "el cantante" now. :)

akki said...

I conceived chloe's baby while watching el cantante

mangieangie said...

wow. what a genious. i've been cracking up in class for the past 5 minutes....people are looking at me strange!

love it

Sweet-L-Space said...

Right on! I love love love your blog but this post.'s pretty fucking awesome. Not that all your other weren't truly awesome, but this was FUCKING awesome. See the difference, eh eh eh?? Can you tell I'm Canadian? Ok, I'm done now.
Brilliant. Go get those girls pregnant! It's time for change, and the change starts with YOU!

la boobs said...

so... I am bring over el cantante so we can watch it next time we hang out.

jescas said...

and i will kindly escort you to the front door, my dear "la boobs".

and shut the doggie door.

but, if you show up with no socks, then mmmmmmmaybe.