Thursday, February 21, 2008

My Lesbian Agenda

First off, my own personal gay agenda is far from what the republican, homophobic [expletive] *coughasshole’scough* believe the gay agenda is. My *points at self with both hands* own personal gay agenda is all in the name of science. A few weeks ago I saw an article on AOL saying that two female rats made sweet, tender and rough when they needed to be love with each other. The result. A beautiful baby girl. That’s right, two scientists made two girl rats have sex and make a baby without the help of any males or sperm. I’m totally going to ignore the fact that most likely, some douchebage scientist was like “Hey, let’s make two girl rats do it. It’ll be hott.” Whatever. But now, I’ve taken it into my own hands. Without anybody even needing to ask, I have stepped up and made it my personal goal, to have as much sex with a woman as possible to get her pregnant. The results have been astounding. Let me tell you that much. I’m all about making the world a better place, you know? I just want to do my part.

But really, it’s absurd to say that the “gay agenda” is to turn young adults and children into “being gay” as if it were a choice. It’s just as absurd as saying that I’m going to eat your baby, screw a goat, or watch El Cantante with J Lo and Marc Anthony. Fuck off with that. I will absolutely NOT watch El Cantante with J Lo and Marc Anthony. In fact, I am taking PRO ACTIVE steps to make sure that they never ever share the big screen again. If they wanna make movies, let’s keep it with a camcorder, in the bedroom, on a sex swing, bound and gagged like the rest of America. I mean, really.

If educating people about the homosexual lifestyle is really a means to turn someone gay, then I argue that teaching drug prevention promotes doing drugs, or educating people about alcohol abuse promotes alcoholism. What is sad is that the very same country that claims to send the message that we are all free to be ourselves, to learn, live and love equally shoulder to shoulder with everyone, is completely shifting focus off the real point. I’m not saying I’m surprised. I mean our government, in this country, lying to us?! NO way! Our government? The same government that screws us three ways from Sunday and isn’t even kind enough to give us a reach around?! Fuckin’ say it ain’t so.

What the real goal is to teach awareness. To teach diversity and tolerance. America is one huge melting pot orgy. We have to learn how to live with each other, tolerate each other, and respect the fact that we share different thoughts, morals, and most importantly, lifestyles. Just like, say, you might want to watch El Cantante. I mean, I can piss and moan, and explain to you that the movie will be so bad it will hurt you and make you cry, but at the end of the day it’s your choice. Depends on if you want to be a rebel that day or not. I have to respect that. I mean, me being gay I am just asking that people treat me no differently than your average Marc Anthony, respect my lifestyle and respect who I am and understand it is not something I stumbled upon. And by no means is it “an easy way out”. In fact I must be pretty strong in my convictions to deal with the harsh reality of what it entails to be gay.

Because really, who would “choose” this life? With this “decision” comes knowing that you will not be as welcomed anymore, the possibility that loved ones in your life will no longer accept you, the chance that a complete stranger will choose to harass you or harm you based solely on who you are holding hands with, the ridiculous notion that you’ll be attracted and oogle over ANYONE of your same sex. Pfft. Yeah, right, some people can be so self righteous. Just because I make out with women, does NOT mean just because you are not a man, I want you. This is not true. I’m just as picky and bitchy as I was before when I was dating men thank you oh so very much. I look at it this way, me asking for your acceptance is not me asking YOU (meaning straight people) to get at a chick. I’m not forcing you to take on a stone butch…although you might want to think about it, they’ll tear your shit up. True story.

So on that note I say, love who you will, move ahead, take care of yourself, family and loved ones, and remember, that fate is a bitch. The more you hate in this life, the more you’ll be hated in the next. And lets hope to god Elton John isn’t ruling the place, or you’ll probably find a nice hard cock up your bum for eternity.

Tough life.

As for me, I love life. Life is being good to me. I’m grateful.

So grateful, Im thinking of renting El Cantante.

Bahaha. What a joke. I will not.

-J

Friday, February 1, 2008

Not Sad Life, Akshay Trim Your Fucking Tree, What the Fuck Daisy

January 31, 2008 @ 12:44 pm
Akshay via email:
“Senator, you're no Jack Kennedy. We have to over-use this phrase today I effin love it”

Same day @ 1:06pm
Akshay via text:
“I feel like playing a sport”

Same day @ 1:42pm
Akshay via text:
“may your undies molest u today (but only in a good way…)”

Same day @ 8:00pm
Akshay via text:
“Keys in mail box. Shoes on nightstand. Francisco at home. Call you at 10.”

February 1, 2008 @ 10:11am
Me to Akshay via email:
***note: 41 post street is a dive bar called Macs.
“omg...i dropped down to 17 dollars in my account. hahaha. hilarious. my statement is like 41 post st, 41 post st, cheesecake factory, 41 post st, chevron, rock bottom, 41 post st, shell, 41 post st, 41 post st, overdraft charge...

omg, love life.”

Akshay back:
“LOL! We should get miles for 41 Post Street. Let's save up three thousand dollars and move to a 3rd world country. 1000 to get there, 1000 to live our entire life there and 1000 to come back when we get sick of it. We'll live the idyllic life. I'm thinking Guyana, they speak English and it's the Caribbean. So we get the beach and don't have to deal with all the ethnic BS”

Me back:
“hahah i love how you are planning out our lives and im loving it. can i post this on my blog?”

Akshay back:
“Absolutely, my pearls of wisdom are in the public domain, so publish away... just take off my phone number and address one stalker is all I need ;) lol I really should think about what it is to be modest.”

Keeping it random. Even with friends in real life. He's a keeper.

Love life, right now.