Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Tattoos of Memories

They say the strongest sense tied to memory is smell. I beg to differ. I've noticed that when I listen to music that I have been listening to for months or even years, the music moves me the same way it did the first time I heard it.

Alanis Morrissett's Jagged Little Pill: I remember my dad and I jumping around the living room when I must have been, I don't know, 12? We screamed the lyrics out loud and hopped around the living room together banging our heads and kicking our feet. Laughing, high-fiving, grinning so hard you couldn't see our eyes. I still see the lines in the corners of his eyes and his mouth because he was smiling so hard. He was embracing my music; he was embracing me. I started going to Border's to buy cd's more often after this.

Sublime's Title Album: I used to listen to this whole CD on repeat while I played Diddy Kong Racing on my N64. I can still see the little go karts speeding around corners as I picked up balloons and dodged oil slicks. I was the shit at that game. I loved being a kid. The only thing I needed to worry about at that age was getting good grades and playing softball. My parents worked hard long hours to bring in the money to allow me to, when you really break it down, play a game. I devoted my life to perfecting using a stick, to hit a ball, to get squares. Plain and simple. If only I knew that life would never be that simple. Ever again. Either way, this was my soundtrack then.

Matchbox Twenty's Yourself or Someone Like You: My mom and I used to listen to this. I was in high school. My parents were splitting up and for the first time I didn't see my mom as this invincible superhero. She ached just like I did sometimes, she was only human and was doing the best that she could for me given the circumstances. Trying her damnedest to make sure my life didn't skip a beat; all the while hers was being picked up and shaken upside down like some change tray out of an old Datsun. She was kind of starting her life over and unsure, just as much as I was, of what tomorrow would bring. All we knew was what we knew that day. I can still see the side of her face as she drove our 1992 Toyota 4Runner. The way it looked as she sang along. The way her eyes focused on the road and her heart focused on the lyrics. We never really talked when this CD was playing. We both knew that each other was taking from the songs just what we needed to get by. We sang along together as if to say to each other "I know".

Dave Matthews' song Break Free: The feeling of a true love for me. Before things got messy and life got in the way. The pace of my breath, the pounding of my heart, the rhythm of my step; that same beat is brought back again and again. I wouldn't change the feeling I get in my stomach or the inevitable grin I can NEVER hold back when I hear this song, for anything in the world. I used to think I needed that person to feel that way still. Held on tight until my hands ached. But once I let go, they still rocked my world through this song as much as they had inspired me to hit repeat and sing along loud, and all obnoxious-like, parked in front of Walgreens so long ago. There are no more questions of what might have been or what went wrong. I don't think they know how thankful I am for the life they pumped through my veins at a time when I thought my life was going to hit a brick wall doing 130. What's left is the good of us in this song. At least for me...

Green Days' song Time of your Life: Many people in my life know the significance of this song for me. Green Day was a hidden gem in my friend Ashley's CD collection. I ganked it from her and played it on the stereo at home. One night I stumbled upon my dad listening to this song. He was sitting in his recliner, eyes closed, head back, feet crossed at the ankles and bouncing with the beat of the song. He started crying. I don't know if he knew I was there sitting on the couch when he started crying, but I just sat and watched. He was crying for the strength he thought he had lost, for the life he thought he was letting slip through his rough, hard working fingers. But all of that was sitting on the fucking couch right in front of him. I hope he found all the answers he wanted in this song. I wanted to tell him that it WAS worth all the while. To me HE WAS worth all the while. I chose to play this song at his funeral. And as luck would have it, a couple months later, this song was chosen by my peers at school to be our graduation song. When this song started to play after everyone had walked across the stage at Memorial Auditorium, I saw his face and thought "thanks for showing up".

And to think, every song has its own beat that is brought back to me again when I listen to it. The way I felt, when I let that song consume me for the first time however long ago, is still fresh. There are so many other songs I could write about. Like how every time I hear Don Gon Do It by the Rapture I see Winter's face and hear her reminding of how at 2:40 she simply loves the clapping. Then raises her hands, looks to her right and claps the beat. Or how I see Melissa's face and leg kick every damn time I hear Tony the Beat by The Sounds. That leg kick is followed by a "Heyyyyyyyy let's kick it".

I have a lot to be thankful for, huh?

*answers self by nodding* Absolutely.


Tuesday, December 25, 2007

I Want a Girl Who's Too Sad to Give a Fuck

I'm kind of using this one as my journal. I've got a leather bound notebook and pen on my nightstand but I don't want to write. I want to type. It's faster that way to get my ramblings out. I've disabled comments because I'm not really looking for a response.

Let me just say...I am so glad I got an ipod. I am attached to the damn thing. If I could make sweet love to my ipod I would. When my other nano died, I learned to get along without it. But now that I have a new one, it gets to the point where my ears hurt because I have my headphones in for so long. Thank god for my ipod alarm clock stereo thingy or else my ears would never get a break. Music is really helping me a lot lately. Right now I'm going through a change in my life. I'm in a new city, which I chose. I am glad I did, because I wanted to start over, fresh and new. I know people here, but they are all new. I find myself yearning for an intimate connection with someone. Someone I could tell all my in's and out's to. Someone I could let in all the way, that could break my fucking heart, but would never dare. Kind of like a drug. Do too much and it'll kill you, but that high is so worth the risk. Reminds me of one of my favorite lyrics: "Loves just an excuse to get hurt/And to hurt/Do you like to hurt?/I do, I do/Then hurt me"

Obviously, no one wants to get hurt. But isn't it great to be in a position that you could be so incredibly vulnerable to being hurt by someone that at the same time you feel 100% safe? I miss the feeling of having my guard down and the confidence that comes with being someone. People take advantage of that. How you know undoubtedly that when you reach for their hand they will always open up their fingers for you to slip yours in between. How, no matter what time of night, you can throw your arm around them and they will always tuckle up to you and go "mmm". How you know that whenever you leave a room that they will be right there watching. That feeling of comfort that comes with having someone in your life that wants to be your everything.

I miss that. I feel like a pilot light. I don't work unless there's a spark. And right now, there's no fucking spark. It's wake up in the morning, go to work, come home and go to sleep. No one to share my day with, no one to cook for, no one to pleasure. Life is so mundane. Black and white. This is my black and it's low. And my only solace is knowing that everyone goes through this, at one point or another. People have come out alive, happy and sharing their lives with someone that means the world to them. I want to mean the world to someone. I want to be someones infatuation. Someone who loves my eccentricities and can love me in spite of my flaws. Someone who would gladly pick out the cherries of the Cherry Garcia for me because although I eat the cherries every once in a while, I really just like the chocolate chunks. Someone who wont complain that I cook macaroni and cheese three times a week. Someone who has no problem spending an entire Saturday making out with me in bed and watching movies with me even if they are sappy like "Steel Magnolias" or gory and intense like "Seven" or "Crash". Someone who needs no other reason to smack my ass besides "because it's there". Someone who can stand me blaring Dave Matthews 24/7 because when it comes down to it, his lyrics move me and have helped me through the hardest times of my life. I guess I could go on forever talking about all the things I wish for in a partner/lover/best friend. But doing so isn't going to get them to me. Fate will. I guess I will have to respect that.

That fucking sucks. Fate has turned out to be a real whore to me. She owes me.

But seriously, it seems like everyone around me has somebody. Why is that?! Can't there be miserable people around me when I'm feeling down? Even the asian lady who thinks Chloe is going to attack her has somebody. She's only ten fucking pounds lady and is more scared of that leaf than she is of you. Jesus Christ. I'm sure her steamed rice and dim sum is fucking bomb, but what about my mexican lasagna?! My bacon provolone pasta?! How come no one wants to eat my food?! Well, they can all just eat me.

I want to gamble everything for love. Meet me in Vegas.

In the meantime, I need to laugh.

Where's My Money Man

Brian's Novel

Ding Fries are Done

Believe me, I mean it when I say, Happy Holidays to you all :]


Sunday, December 23, 2007

"There is this Cheese"

I don't think I have enjoyed a present more...I thank Aimee for this...thank you very, very much!

Oh my

A week ago or so I posted a bulletin on myspace telling you guys about the OhMiBod. It's a vibrator that plugs into an ipod that literally does you based on the rhythm of your music. Okay, so thats all sunshine and rainbows and what not. BUT my friend Jennifer sent me a link to a website that is in the business of showing hot ladies using the OhMiBod. They have an awesome section called "Club Vibe". Here you can use itunes to create your own playlists to upload and share with others. You can also download playlists from other users. The Top 5 [cleaverly named] playlists on Club Vibe right now are:

1. "The Lazy Geisha"
2. "A Little Hip Hop Inside You!!"

3. "A Little More Upbeat...POP!"

4. "Dance in your Boom "Box""

5. "Dark and Goth for your Inside"

Wait. There's more. Also from OhMiBod comes BodiTalk and BodiTalkescort. *pauses*
Wow, so I'm just going to post the item descriptions and you guys do with it what you will.

BodiTalk: A whole new way to talk and play
BodiTalk is activated by calls made to or from your cell phone when in close range. The cell signal triggers a unique 3 pattern vibrating sequence that lasts for the entire call – enabling you to "get off while you’re on."

BodiTalkescort: Be heard not seen
Boditalk escort is the perfect vibe to keep hidden in those secret places and will turn any call into an orgasmic surprise. Its discreet design makes it the perfect companion for passion on the go. Also converts to manual multi-speed vibe...2 products in 1!

I can't believe the technology these days. Who would of thought, like way back in the Titanic days, a cell phone or music would be able to like, do you. Soft or hard. Whichever you choose.
I really have nothing else to say; I'm speechless. This is crazy fantastic.


Thursday, December 20, 2007

Lesbian Jumping Jacks

Hmmm...Lesbian culture. It’s much more than L Word and tank tops ya’ll. I was yearning to learn. So I decided to go to Google and type in “lesbian culture”. I clicked on the result that said “lesbian life, lesbian culture – top picks”. It brought me to a page on I have used this site before to look up some stuff but I didn’t think they had a lesbian section. I was brought to the author’s top ten all time favorite lesbian movie list. Check it out queer…I mean here.

Also I find it hilarious how ads are geared to advertise things they think we would like based on our search criteria. So listed on the side under the “Most Popular” tab is a list of the most popular searches about lesbians on The list is as follows:
1. Famous Lesbians…….okay, cool.
2. Oral sex…….good call. *nodding* better than an oreo dipped in ice cold milk.
3. Her first lesbian sex…….mmkay, that’s a little personal. But I like story time so, whatever.
4. G-Spot……I know where that is, do you?
and my favorite *drumroll*…
5. How to fist…….awesomeness.

What I don’t like are the ads on myspace. “ARE YOU EMO?! FIND OUT HERE”. Gee I’m sorry myspace I can’t, cuz my hair is covering my eyes and I colored in my monitor with a sharpie cuz I love the color black so much. Pretty LAME. I do love high school emo kids though. They are my fave. So cute with their tight little itty bitty pants, checkered vans and hanes hoodies with safety pins. I just want to hug them.

Okay I’m hungry. Its lunch and I am in desperate need for some cheese. Melted. With bacon. Fuck sex, that sounds fantastic.

I take it back. I don’t want to fuck sex. I want it...and looking at the new season 5 LW promo I am going to get it!

If you haven't already seen it...

Song obsession of the day:
Three Seed by Silversun Pickups.


Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Bringing Them to da Whurld

This post comes from a pic that Brenna sent me. I just had to share it with you all. Okay so these two right here, they got banned from Disneyland for reasons...well...for reasons that are obvious.

I think it's sad, but as a pick me up I am offering them full lifetime admission to Jessicaland. I promise it much more magical than that fuckin overpriced castle. Don't want to wait in line to ride the 1.5 minute Matterhorn for five hours? Hope in line to ride my Vajahorn. The ride lasts much longer and you might even get wet; which makes it the perfect summer attraction.

Jessica's Wednesday Cool List:
Movie: Superbad
Song: Mmmnn by Grandabob
Comedian: Kathleen Madigan
Mag: Bust



Need Anything from the World?

One of my coworkers asked me that earlier today. I think it is probably the most fantastic question I have ever heard. She was implying Starbucks or cheese but all I could do was laugh because of all the crap that filled my head. One thing that I have found I miss seeing is douche bags. The sightings have been few and far between because I go so far out of my way to avoid them. But now I miss the little fuckers. I would love to spot some holiday douche. I want Kevin’s draped in garland and Mark’s wearing Santa hats. Don’t be surprised if you find me lurking all creepy like at the front doors of Dick’s Sporting Goods or making a late night drive by Napa Auto Parts. I want the smell of exhaust and the sight of oversized cubic zirconias from Mervyn’s in my face. *sigh* I think I’m sad.

You know what else I miss? My damn computer! Grrr. Geek squad still has it and I am getting impatient. I miss blogging whenever my heart desires. I miss getting lost online until the wee hours of the morning. Now that I have a video ipod, I really miss itunes. AND I can’t wait to download the Sims 2 back onto my computer. I miss playing that game. You know what’s fun? Making a girl Sim hit on another girl Sim. I was curious if they would actually have the option of having sex and they do! Hehe, leave it up to me to act like a 13 year old boy, huh? There are even people online who create different skins to resemble
L Word characters. So when I get a chance, I am going to download myself a Bette and see how well my Jessica Sim and Bette Sim get along. *wink wink*

I tried doing Christmas cards last night but I just didn’t have the energy. All of my addresses are lost and I would have to call or text everyone to get their address, so as you can tell I was not motivated. My question is, do people really care if they get a Christmas card? I mean, really? It seems like it means close to nothing when you send one to someone but when they don’t get one, its blasphemy. Well people are not getting Christmas cards from me this year. So Happy Holiday’s from me and Chloeface.

So this is what I want from the world:
-Holiday sightings of douche bags.
- My computer back so I can download TS2 and make all the Female Sims hit on each other
- A special someone to kiss under the mistletoe and eat melted cheese with.
- Everyone special in my life to get what they want for Christmas. No matter what it is.
- Cheese, chocolate and Kelly Clarkson wearing nothing but chucks and a vintage t shirt laying in my bed.

That’s TIT. I’m simple. So I expect you’ll make it happen.

I thought this was funny:

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Aight bitches. It’s that time of the week again. “National Reminder You’re Not Getting Laid Day” i.e.: hump day. Enjoy yourselves.


Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Playground Love

*listening to Spoon’s “They Never Got You” and sipping tea while thinking about stuff*

How is everyone? I am in work early today. I must say I DO like getting an early start to my day. But that’s only after I am done bitching to myself for being up this early and actually getting a roll on things. I don’t like waking up this early, but I do like the notion of getting shit done early. There is only ONE way that I actually enjoy being up this early. And it doesn’t require me getting out of bed, or in some instances even opening my eyes. In fact I’d rather keep ‘em closed. It’s more fantastical that way :]

I had a very good night last night. It was simple. Simple is good for me right now. But one thing I did not do was make out Christmas cards. FUCK! They probably won’t reach some of my family until after the New Year. But it’s the thought that counts right?! I’ll just tell myself that.

So a while ago I was talking to someone about first loves, second loves, third loves and so on. And we were discussing the difference between first loves with a man and first loves with a woman. Is it possible to have a first love with both? I mean, our heart is a heart. It doesn’t know the difference between a man and a woman. Shouldn’t our first love be our first love regardless of their sex? And if the next love happens to be a person of a different sex than the first, does that mean you experience first love again? I feel like, if my heart yearned and ached the first time, it doesn’t matter who the second person is. My first will always remain my first. I’m sad we broke each others hearts the way we did, but he’s a good person, just not good for me.

[subject change] I’ve been meaning to ask what you guys thought about all that.

I notice that when I have my ipod on shuffle I skip over the same songs all the time. I compiled a list of songs that I found I NEVER skip over. I could be in the middle of eating cheese, sitting in traffic, or even, groping some breasts and I will never skip over these songs:
- Why You Wanna- T.I
[I think it’s so cute how he says “love”]
- Since You Been Gone- Kelly Clarkson [turns me on when she says “shut your mouth”. Just for that I’d keep on talking]
- Maybe Tomorrow- Stereophonics
[it always picks me up]
- To Zion- Lauryn Hill [I look forward to the day I can relate to this song]
- Pretty Little Thing- Fink
[it’s just cute]
- Please Forget- The Hourly Radio
[the closest to liking the 80’s I’ll ever get]
- Frozen- Tegan and Sara
[duh. They’re awesome.]
- Breathe Me- Sia
[I listen to the whole song just to hear the music stop and start again at 3:00]
- Old Dirt Hill- Dave Matthews Band
[the lyric “the first time I kissed her I lost my legs”]
- Jane Fonda- Mickey Avalon
[makes me want to shake my ass]
- Sugar (Gimme Some)- Trick Daddy
[reminds me of one of my favorite things]
- Sideways- Citizen Cope
[his voice]
- Warning- Incubus
[it reminds me of the video and Brandon looks HOT in it.]
- Crash Into Me- Dave Matthews Band
[c’mon now. lyrically one of my favorite DMB songs]
- What it Feels Like- Lola Ray [its rock and roll sex.]
- You Got Me- The Roots feat. Jill Scott
[simply put: the roots and jill scott]
- The Kill- 30 Seconds to Mars
[I like when he says face. lol]
- DOA- Foo Fighters
[the lyric: “made you come clean in a dirty dress”]
- One Piece at a Time- Johnny Cash
[its fuckin funny]

Try to enjoy your Wednesday! It feels like Thursday to me. FYI: I answer the phones at my work and I find that I am sounding more and more like the lady in Office Space. “Corporate accounts payable, Nina speaking….just a moment.

Happy Humping to you all! If you don't have someone to hump, then hump a wall. That's what I'll be doing!


Thursday, December 6, 2007

I Wear Your Sex Upon My Sleeves

I have big sleeves. Like Stevie Nicks. This post is coming to you live from my office chair. I’ve had some stuff saved on my blogger so I am throwing it in here as we speak. I have to keep the good stuff coming to get you guys to come back right? *sets out a tray of assorted cheeses* There you go. Come back now ya hear?

**If girl on girl talk makes you a little uncomfortable, two things. One: stop reading here, because the stuff below is for people who can handle that sort of stuff. Two: Don’t watch the “Oh My God” Pink video below.

So I am in the middle of reading this book that Noha got me. It’s called “Same Sex and the City”. It is written by Lauren Levin and Lauren Blitzer. It dives right into lesbian culture and shares the lives and coming out stories of lesbian women. I love this book and I even read it in the car on the way to work this morning. DON’T worry! Your mom was driving me to work and I was in the passenger side. And let’s just say, I know the backseat and your mom like the back of my hand. Back to the book, here’s just a few of my favorite parts, just to give you a taste:

Lauren Levin talking about when she realized she was gay:
“The next day Anna and I took her dog up the mountains. It was undoubtedly one of the happiest days of my life. It was the day I found the missing puzzle piece. I found my future. Happiness was indeed possible. I wanted what Anna and Deidre had. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with the woman of my dreams I wanted to have children with my best friend, my lover. Never before did I know a normal life was possible as a gay woman. I realized that everything I didn’t think I wanted, I actually longed for. The only difference was that I wanted to share this life with a woman, and not a man.”

True, true…..don’t we all?

First time pointers:
Be the tortoise, not the hare: You’ve got all night to make love. Tease her with your touch. Undress her slowly. Appreciate each inch of her soft skin. Kiss her stomach. Take in her scent. Fondle her breasts. Kiss her neck. Caress her inner thighs. Take in her smell. Massage her ass. You want her desperate for your touch, to feel her shiver. Lay your naked body on top of hers. Foreplay with girls is incredible. There’s a whole lot of fun to be had before you ever even touch her down there. When she reaches her breaking point, and just can’t seem to handle it anymore...go for the least when you’re with a woman, size is never an issue.”

Amen to that. I think I need to read that paragraph…umm…again. Slowly and a little to the left.

Lauren Blitzer talking about her first time:
“I felt a magnetic pull toward her body as she inched closer to mine. I looked into her eyes as she placed her lovely hands on my hips. Our eyes met and we kissed. It was warm and beautiful. My body tingled. I pressed my hands on her, pulling her close to me. We stopped for a second, and I snuggled my face in that space between her shoulder and her neck. It fit perfectly. I stayed there for a while. She wrapped her arms around me and we stood there enjoying the feel of each other.”

Like a puzzle piece. *sigh* That paragraph is refreshing. I know I will have some arguments here about what I am about to say, but its hard to find a man that can feel all the emotion it takes to be that vulnerable with someone as these women were with each other.

So if you guys have a chance, check out the book! I’m only a third of the way through but I am loving it so much.

I have a Tegan and Sara concert tonight in Berkley! I am super stoked. I promise I will take lots of pics and be super lame and post them on here.

For now, I am off. I hope all of you enjoy your Thursday! Remember when Thursdays on NBC used to be awesome?! All the Friends and Frasier. And I think, Will & Grace!

Last night I watched Death Proof by Quentin Tarentino from the Double Feature Grindhouse. Vanessa Ferlito. Damn.


I’m out betches.


Monday, December 3, 2007

Happy Feckin' Holidays

This is why I am glad it’s the holiday season. I can listen to this over and over again and no one can say anything!

Ugh. It’s that time of the year ya’ll. Where couples take vacation days, do each other all day long, then go out in public with their “sex glow” and “freshly fucked” hair and buy gifts for each other. You’ve seen them. They are the ones smiling. And you know what is even worse? They are always getting the good parking spots. I wonder what they had for breakfast. Probably Grapenuts. I wonder if I eat Grapenuts if I’ll get good parking spots and freshly fucked hair. Hmpf.

Random: When I was little my dad used to carry cones around in his trunk. If we saw a good parking spot, he’d pop the trunk, I’d jump out, run across the parking lot and put the cones down. People swore it was for construction or something. Or if we had a good parking spot, had to leave but were intending on coming back and didn’t want to lose it, we would put the cones down when we left. They always held our spot. Lol. People can be so trusting sometimes.

It’s been a while since I last posted and that is mostly because my life is lame. My ‘puter is now broken. There is something wrong with the wireless switch. On top of that, (and my breasts) I need a new power cord because it won’t charge. I am also broke, so I can’t afford to fix any of that. But good news: ChloeFace is still cute as hell, I just bought a brand new pack of cheese, my birthday balloons from my roommate are still inflated and floating around my room scaring me in the middle of the night and I’m done with my Christmas shopping. But it’s no longer my birthday month.

I watched Romy and Michelle’s High School Reunion the other day and I forgot just how good it was. My favorite lines:

Romy: Swear to God, sometimes I wish I was a lesbian.

Michele: Do you want to try, to see if we are?

Romy: What? Yeah, right, Michelle. Just the idea of having sex with another woman creeps me out. But if we're still single at 30, ask me again.

Michele: Okay.

I actually had this pact with one of my friends when I was younger. Wow. She’s still straight. I’m a lesbian. Both single. Only 7 years to go until we test to see if she is…..hmmm…good day for Jess *wink wink*

So how was everyone’s Thanksgiving? I know it is a little late to ask but its better than never right? Mine was good. My mom woke me up at 4 AM the day after to go black Friday shopping. It was soooo nice of her to take me shopping, but I am not a morning person. I will never be a morning person. So don’t try waking me before ten unless you wanna lose a nipple. I’m serious.

Plans for the holidays are to eat, drink and be merry. Pretty much the same agenda I hold from day to day. Hopefully my computer will be fixed in the next couple of weeks and I will be able to post more now that I have more time [boobs] on my hands. I am also going to try and do some more Operator 11 shows with Arlan. Possibly do a holiday special. What do you guys thinks? Santa hats and booze? Nothing says bringing in the holidays like two lesbians shooting the shit and talking about breasts and cheese.

Oh and by the way….you’re sexy.