Wednesday, October 3, 2007

So many things gay....

*Looks you up and down and winks* How you doin' sexy?

I hope that everyone had an awesome weekend! I know that it's Wednesday and it's taken me forever to get a post up here. But in my defense, my ass loves you. I promise I'll give you a back rub before I work you out tonight. I'll light some candles and play a little 112. That should do it.

So I spent the weekend in LA. And have so much to tell you all about. Friday night I went to a little place called Here. Friday happens to be ladies night and that means the Truckstop girls do a little dancing on the bar. The girls are yummy....not as yummy as my Kelly, but not bad. I made a little mistake and I wound up tipping a girl 10 dollars. NOW, let me explain! I saw all the ones in her panties and thought she would make change! At least thats what I thought in my head. I stood front row at the bar, jaw on the floor like a 12 year old boy as I just got drenched in water. Moral of the story: Jess had fun.

Fast forward past me eating gay pizza and somehow making it home in a wet t shirt to Saturday night. I was lucky enough to go to the Itty Bitty Titty Committee movie. Just an FYI: this movie is so awesome. I couldn't have been more pleased. Well...let's not say that. I could have been more pleased, but that would involve...*ahem* other things. Well...Kelly knows what they are. While at the movie four totally straight douchebags came in to watch the movie. I doubt they had any interest in lesbian culture...they were there because they saw the word "titty" on the sign out front. Grrr. Either way, I enjoyed the movie and you can check out the trailer in my pants:

After I got home from the movie. I ate Cooler Ranch Doritos and talked to Arlan about bringing people to the world. It's a new non profit project we plan to start early spring 2008. Saving the world, one pair of titties at a time. We'll have a logo similar to this one:

We just want to help people. That's all. Oh and no boobs were harmed in the making of the logo. Maybe squeezed for reference, but definitely not harmed.

Sunday night I got to go to Terra Naomi's show and actually meet her! She is an awesome person with amazing talent. I have a pic on my profile of all of us hotties and Terra after the show. You can also navigate to the right side of this page to check out her myspace page and order her album.

I really enjoyed spending time with the people I was with this weekend. I also got to make some new friends. I simply adored Sarah (Arlan's BFF) who runs Robot Envy. We even got a little photo op in:

Another person I met is Tina of the blog Audio Taco. She definitely rocked my socks and somehow we discussed how my vagina needs a lojacking device. And now I have the betch pinging me left and right to track it down. I like her so much I gave her free roadside service. Ehh...whatever keeps em coming back right? The customer always comes first. I'm a lady.

Thanks to Tina I was able to extend my knowledge base on douchebags. She gets full credit for finding this site. Navigate here, poke around, and then come back so we can talk about it.


I KNOW!!! Can you believe it?! I cried. I cried a lot. So much hotness, and so much douche. Not even floral scented douche! I think my favorite was DimpleDouche. This douche was not just a DimpleDouche...hes a multifaceted douche. He has the Guido chest hair, popped collar AND opened shirt with gold chain, and has way too much gel in his hair. I swear if you panned down he'd be wearing white socks with his stiff and cheap wannabe italian loafers. Jesus, it hurts to look at this site for too long. I need to fix this. I will work to the bone to fix all the wrong that was on that site. People, people, lend me your boobies.

After all that...I bugged Arlan for cheese. And then we sat on a bench for an hour and half in the LA sun, eating cold stone, watching three of the most beautiful kids (not more beautiful than my nieces tho) play in a fountain. Couldn't have ended my weekend off better. It would of been nice to see my Grandma but she was in New Mexico taking care of land issues. Other than that, I had a blast. Hope you all had the best weekend.

Right now I am off to relax and watch a movie! I need to laugh! So how bout you swing by, pick up some Ben and Jerry's Cherry Garcia, and then come watch it with me...I could use the company. I could use the company for lots of reasons, but for now we can keep it PG.

Sleep tight, don't let your girlfriend bite...

...unless you want her to.

- J


arlan said...

that logo made me LOL really roommate must think im crazy. its perfect. i couldnt have a better sidekick for this organization. you know as well as i do how hard it is to bring people to the world. but im willing to roll up my sleeves and get in there. elbow deep, if you will.

to da whurrrrrld.




jescas said...

*holding arm out*

*arm starts to shake cuz its giving out*


*world stops spinning and is removed because we only had enough funds for 7 seconds of spinning animation*

*a still penguin takes it place*

*your still blinking*

arlan said...


*as one side of the "free vagina" banner i had printed at Kinko's falls off the wall and the sound of the director coughing can be heard...*

*still smiling*


*i softly mumble..."to da whurld."*

Noha said...

-takes one of those numbers out of the roller, sits down in an empty seat and waits for you to call my number-

I'm the Quality Control manager for your


the logo cracked my shit up, btw.

keira said...

i miss LA =[

So I wish all our favorite douchebag sites could collaborate in order to create the International House of Douches (IHOD). I just can't keep up with all the worlds douchery.

Oh yeah, going to see Klaxons tonight.... YAY

Audio Taco said...

i like our inside joke..... outside... no inside outside joke. Thanks for the plug. i will be plugging yours soon also (no pun intended).


arlan said...

jessica, you bring out the gay in Tina and i like that.

jescas said...


you bring out the gay...

*in high pitched soft voice*

to daaaa whhhuurrrlldd...

Anonymous said...

I like Ben and Jerry's Cherry Garcia ice cream too. What movie did you watch? Love your blog cause it always makes me laugh. Nice to know there's someone local with a similar sense of humor to mine.

jescas said...

Hey "anonymous",
I actually wound up not watching a movie...I wound up watching the show Friends. It's one of my favorite shows of all time :] You're local? Awesome! Glad you can appreciate the humor


Anonymous said...

Yeah I live in Mountain View and work in San Jose. Friends is a good show. I've seen most of the episodes multiple times so I don't watch it as much anymore. Actually don't watch too much TV cause i don't have TV capability in my room and it cost too much to add another TV onto the direct TV subscription.

jescas said...

really? i live in san jose and work in palo alto...but its more mountain view...i work off of san antonio.

haha we're backwards!

Anonymous said...

San Antonio is pretty near where I live. I live off Rengstorff near 101 but want to move to San jose in within the next year. Might be a little tricky though cause I've lost my job. When i left my last5 comment I was a little tired and not thinking clearly and inccorrectly stated that I work in San Jose. Used to thought until internal politics screwed me over. just as well I was getting burnt out on special ed anyways.

Elizabeth James said...

Did you add more to this blog?! I swear I read it because I remember the title, but I didnt see anything about your project and its friggin hilarious logo!

You crack me up!!

And your dedication to alerting the world to the epidemic of douchebags, (sigh), brings tears to my eyes!

You rock! Keep it up!

Sarah said...

i'm catching up all late on your blog but aw you posted the picture of us. <3 i'm so happy we got to meet and i had a blast that weekend.

but i do NOT remember the walk from the car to arlan's apartment friday night. how did i get inside without killing myself? interesting.

STAYCEE said...

DAMMIT! I SOOOOOOOOO WANTED TO SEE THAT FILM! My favorite female skatebaorder is in that film..Lauren Mollica..I wanted to meet her at the L.A. Showing!!!!!!!! Sucksssssssssss! Lucky!