Sunday, October 28, 2007


Real quick post. I just got home from Sac not too long ago and just wanted to say that I have the cutest dog on the face of this earth. Seriously, look for yourself:

I saw the school girls uniform and could not resist. She's such a love! In other news. I'm tired. Very tired. So I am off to get ready for bed and watch a little Friends. But I just had to get on here and show you guy's Chloe's costume :]

Hope you all have a good Sunday night and Monday morning! I leave you with one of my favorite episodes of friends. TOW Ross' Sandwich. He's so incredibly neurotic about his sandwich, it reminds me of myself.


Friday, October 26, 2007

I'm weird AND This Post is Indeed Random

Umm I just wanted to post and tell you all just how weird I am. Don't hate. Appreciate

-I like to eat macaroni with tortilla chips. Wanna know why? Because the cheese and chips reminds me of nachos. Then throw in there a little pasta...and well, it's a good night.
-Along the same lines, I like to eat spaghettios with a flour tortilla. Now I have no idea why, but it tastes good.
-I noticed the other day that I like to keep my bath stuff in the same spot in the shower. Not sure if this would be considered nuerotic or what, but I like having all my stuff in their "spots".
-You will also notice that I dont like to finish the ends of my drinks. It's been my experience that the very ends of drinks are nasty. They are either watered down with spit or with the melted ice. Ew. Who wants to taste that? Not I. Not I.
-I eat meticulously. Since I was a kid, for some reason, I always end up with a little bit of everything at the end of my meal. A bite of corn, mashed potatoes, and say, meatloaf. I guess my mind is trying to prepare a "good last bite". But problem is, there is always a little too much of everything to fit it all on my spoon/fork. So I end up breaking it up anyways. I'm freaking you out huh?
-Cool thing though the second to last bite is always the best. And if you ever eat with me, and for some weird reason feed eachother, I'll always share the second to last bite because it's always the best.
-When I use the volume on the tv I like to keep the volume level on even numbers. I can't quite figure out why this is. I think it's because I feel like odd numbers are negative numbers.

Okay. That's enough of now. I can feel people judging me already. But I just thought I would share a little bit of myself.

Ummm I saw this pic today and a bunch of things came into my head. And I thought I would share. It shows just how gay I can be.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

1. Anyone else notice the giant vagina in the background?
2. The second girl from the left is soooo holding the girl to her left's hand. Mhmm. They're so doin' it.
3. The girl on the very right is so a top.
4. This could so be a gay cingular commercial.
5. I totally spotted L Word characters when looking at this. From left to right.
-Alice. Because she looks kind of bi.
-Shane. Duh.
-Jenny. The bitch looks crazy.
-Phyllis. She's obviously the oldest one of the bunch. Which totally explains the socks with the shoes. I mean, that's sooooo 1940. It's 1942.
- Marina. She's tall, she's mammoth, she has a foreign...ahem..."tongue" and she'll tear.your.shit.up.

Hope you enjoyed my 1940's L Word cast. It's Friday. Go drink. Be merry. Drive safe.

***the opinions about the photo in the post are solely MY opinion. don't even THINK about emailing me and saying some shit like "the first girl soooooo doesn't look like alice". i don't care, shut your face. <----said with love.



Thursday, October 25, 2007

Serious Face

Ugh. It has been one of those days. I feel like I have been working my ass off. I got home at nearly 7 yesterday. And was at work by 8:40 this morning (I sat in traffic for an hour and 20 minutes).The traffic was really really bad. I feel kind of out of sorts. I've never used that phrase, ever, but it seems fitting now. I need to get my sorts all together. I have friends here, and I have good friends in Sac. Everyone is within arms reach if I ever need them. And they are certainly a phone call away, but I feel like I am in my own little bubble. I've been told that's what I need right now, but I can't shake the feeling that it's not. Things have settled down a bit from the summer and now it feels like all work and no play. I couldn't even find the energy to meet up with anyone last night. Hmm...not quite sure what to do. BUT I do thank Peter for sending me douche bag pics. They sooooooooooo made my day. :]

In other news I read an article today about the top 11 geekiest shirts. You can check them out here. My favorite is the Twitter one. Anyone been on Twitter? I started getting into a couple months back, then I sort of got bored of it. I didnt like how you can't search for anyone. So I had these random people twittering me that I didn't know. Which was cool because some were funny. But I found it kind of retarded after a while.

So my therapist gave me a lot of insight today. I see a therapist for "maintenance" reasons. I think that going through life's tough times is hard enough. But I don't want to alienate myself and lose people in the meantime. So I use her ear so I can straighten myself out without affecting anyone else in my life. It's nice to have someone unbiased to just listen. And you know what's even better? She never talks about herself. It's one of her best qualities. LOL. She's so selfless. Anyways I've been thinking lots about who I am without anyone else and I'm trying to find myself now that I am pretty much divorced and doing my own thing. I have found that I struggled more with the transition of not having anyone to answer to, cater to and love than I thought I would. I'm just not a selfish person when it comes to those things. So when at the end of the day I think, what do I want to do, I'm usually like "I don't know" if there isn't someone that needs me. But at the same time I love doing those things. She also made me realize that all the catering I did to my ex was me trying to prove my love. I was trying to prove myself. When in actuality we should have loved eachother for who we were; not what we did for eachother. She asked me how I thought I would feel if someone loved me for me and not for the things I did for them out of love. And I said, "I don't know". True story.

I'm pretty much an open book. I do all that crap. I wear my heart on my sleeve, I'll be the one throwing rocks at your window at midnight; I'm the idiot on the Today show in the crowd in the window with the sign that says "I love you [insert name here]" and grinning like a damn fool. That's me. And reading what Sarah put today, I'm proud I'm like that.

From Sarah's blog Robot Envy, when speaking about holding back in the beginning of a relationship:

i don't think it's a necessity, but for some people it's just natural, and for others, it' personally i'm pretty much an open book, but think about it: the best books you read slowly, savoring every page. you read them bit by bit because you don't want them to be over. of course, books do eventually come to an end, and so do people's lives, for that matter, but this isn't really a good analogy because people generally live longer than it takes for the average person to read a fucking book. but you get where i'm going with this i think. with a person, there is always something more to learn. and my favorite books? i read them over and over...and over again.

Amen! God, I love her thinking.

I have no idea what my next step in life is but I am not going to concern myself with it too much. I don't want it to consume me. What I do know is, I am going to Sac tomorrow after work to spend some time with my cousins and then go to a little shindig Saturday night. I'll be back on Sunday.

What is everyone else doing for the weekend? I am sure there are lots of Halloween parties going on, so have a drink or two for me. And I'll be sure to do the same for you!

As Noha would say, "perky nipples" to you all...


Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Mmmm Doritos

This post comes live to you from my bed. I'm still half dressed from work. I still have on my work pants but I also have on my gym t shirt and sports bra. And to be honest I have no clue how in between changing my shirt I stopped changing my pants and got on the comp. Now I'm sitting here, music blaring, phone open, with a bag of Cooler Ranch Doritos strategically placed so my left hand slides in and out nicely. The only thing I am missing is a soda. My mini fridge is about 5 feet away. Too far.

So good news. Anyone who was following the whole "myspace being retarded and deleting the YDLM profile" fiasco know that it is back, baby! Ya heard if you added the new page, good on you! If not then, the old one is a friend of yours again. But be sure to add to your internet browser favorites. Just in case!

In other news, I had a long day. I was working the whole day and didn't even take a break. At the end of the work day, we celebrated boss appreciation day for our boss. It was pretty cool because we got beer and chips and just sat around shooting the shit in a conference room. I tell you, I really needed that Corona. Although it was just one, it reminded me that you have to take it easy every once in a while. My immediate boss's last day was today for about 4 to 6 weeks. She is having surgery and so now I am going to be covering for her. So be sure to send me lots of emails to make me smile, because I have a feeling I am going to need it.

Okay. I've been vegging out on Doritos and ChloeFace needs to go out. Right now I am off to the gym. And will people send me some damn money so I can buy a new iPod. I never realized how much working out SUCKS without one. Bleh.

In the meantime, check out the sites in my "Navigate This" section, if you haven't already. Also, check out this vid for one of my favorite songs of ALL TIME. It wouldn't let me embed, so double click my happy place. Oh and because I can't grab your boob from here:



Your Daily Lesbian Moment Updates and Some Other News

For some freakish, crazy reason, the Your Daily Lesbian Moment myspace profile has been deleted. Arlan is waiting on hearing back from Myspace on what happened. But in the meantime she has started to rebuild @

So technically it's not deleted, it just relocated. You should definitely run by and add her as a friend. Also be sure to add the official Your Daily Lesbian Moment Blog to your internet browser favorites, just in case. You can check out the story of what happened here:
Your Daily Lesbian Moment Blog

In other news, if you find real gay and lesbian news too dramatic you can check out
Fake Gay News for a funny twist on fake events. It's kinda like the Daily Show. Only. Gay. If you want real news you can always head to

Or you can head to my pants. Either way, you'll get some gay.

So yesterday sucked. I had a very long day and enjoyed just relaxing at home with a movie after work. I watched the movie The Ex with Amanda Peet and Zach Braff. It was good, but not as hilarious as I wanted or needed it to be. So I give it just one thumb up. And I say one because I had a free rental at Blockbuster so it was free. Not too shabby for free. FYI: I'm free. And also not too shabby. *wink wink*

To start Tuesday off right, let's sit down cross legged and braid eachothers hair and look at this:

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Oh my god. How did that get into my photobucket? well, it's gay. very gay. So that's probably why. God. What douchebags.

Okay lets try it again:

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Phew that's better :]

Happy Tuesdays...tomorrow is Wednesday. Start looking for your humping partner now! You don't wanna end up like me...eating cheese and watching Friends with ChloeFace NOT humping.


Monday, October 22, 2007

Tis the Season

I definitely want to try and go snowboarding this year. I have my own board and since I lived in the East for nearly 4 long ass years, I didn't have many chances to go. And I want to go wherever this is:


And the reason I want to go is because it looks like it gets great snow. That's all I'm really concerned about. The snow. Mmhmm.

I was sure to carefully examine the snow. I've identified some particularly interesting spots, that I will be sure to look out for on the hill. Because after all, I'm a professional and take it very very seriously.

Sleep tight on this Sunday sure to dream of shell top adidas and purdy ladies...


Friday, October 19, 2007

Dave, Dave, Dave....David.

Anyone know where my title is from? If so, I'll send you a lollipop :]

So I didn't have time like I thought I would last night to get a post up. It really is funny how time flies by. I am finding more and more that there isn't enough time in my day. I have been getting home a little later because traffic lately has been hellish. Even when I have carpool lane it's bad. And you know what sucks about traffic? The fact I get caught next to a douche bag. Normally I try to keep my douche bag exposure time to a minimum because being near them is damaging and it hurts me. I wish I had one of those chemical showers. You know the ones you run under and pull the handle on if you get chemicals on you? They had them in science class. I wish I had them to wash all the douche bag off me. Normally, in traffic I love blowing by their lonely asses in the regular lanes. In their pompous Audi Coupes with their Bluetooth headsets probably talking to their mom's about whether or not they are going to make pumpkin shaped sugar cookies this year. Losers.

So I tried watching Y Tu Mama Tambien and I didn't get through it. I wasn’t in a subtitle mood. I normally LOVE foreign movies like The Red Violin and Maria Full of Grace (two of my favorites) but I couldn't do it. I have actually seen the last half of this movie, which is why I was quick to turn it off when I realized. I got a little lost in music after that. Then showered and turned on some Scrubs. It was a pretty boring night. I was uber tired.

Some of you might not know this about me, but I love Dave Matthews. I know, I know, some of you don't and utterly despise him. BUT, I love him lyrically. And musically. And physically. MMM yes. So I thought I'd share a song :]

Below is the American Baby Intro. I usually put this on when I need some sort of "out". Check it out and let me know what you think.

***I couldn't find this one on youtube so it's through myspace. I'm not sure if everyone can view it. IF you can't and don't have an account….what's wrong with you?! Get one here

american baby intro-dmb

Add to My Profile More Videos

Wasn't that nice? Yes. I know. It was. I felt it too.

If you guys are hopeless romantics, like muah, then check out lyrics to some of my favorite Dave songs. I think that we all are lucky to feel this way about someone at least ONCE in our lives. And if it doesn't last, I think it's better to have experienced it than not at all. So be thankful, bitches.

My all time favorite is one that later became "Satellite". It's called "After Her". It's played to the same tune, but with different lyrics. I've known about and listened to this song for years and I still get goosebumps.

1. After Her
2. Say Goodbye
3. Break Free
4. Dream Girl
5. So Right

Okay that is going to have to wrap up this Friday post. I am hungry. Anyone got some bacon or cheese? Damn.

Happy Friday!


Thursday, October 18, 2007


Okay my loves, I've been busy. I take full responsibility for neglecting you and want you to know that I APPRECIATE YOU. And all that you do. I have to make this quick because you see, mama's gotta bring home the bacon. And when I say mama I mean the piece of ass you should be tapping DAILY, NIGHTLY and EVER-SO-RIGHTLY. And when I say bacon, I mean...bacon. Extra crispy. I don't do it limp.

Here's the good news: I have time tonight for a new post. BUT I'm going to watch Y Tu Mama Tambien before, that way I have something juicy to write about. Anyone seen it? I heard its pretty raunchy.

Today's post comes loaded with Tegan and Sara. They just did a vid for one of my favorite songs. Feast your eyes on "The Con" and let me know what you think.

Other tidbits for the day:
-Eat cheese
-Keep abreast of the latest
Email me. Ask me questions, tell me about your day, show me pics of your know, whatevs.
-Most importantly: smile.

Alright ladies and some gents...have a good day, and be gentle tonight would ya'?


Tuesday, October 9, 2007

It ALL Makes Sense

Okay. So I feel like an ass. I just spent 15 minutes in my bathroom trying to kill a gnat with my bath towel. I was thinking that somehow my towel would hit the damn thing and it would be propelled into the ground or the wall, and sustain some sort of life ending bodily damage. didnt work. But the joke is on the gnat. I shut the door on him. He'll be there in the morning. I'm going to spend my night revising my strategy. I'll be well rested and ready in the morning. I promised Chloe and I can't let her down.

In the shower I was thinking about being younger and I realized just how many crushes I had! I used to LOVE the shows Ally McBeal and Party of Five. While watching Ally McBeal I remember totally loving scenes with Portia De Rossi and Lucy Liu. I totally thought they were hot and I had no clue that in the back of my mind I was wishing they would just start rolling around the desk and then ask me to join. HAD NO CLUE.

Can we also talk about Party of Five? And how much I wished Fox would change the name to Party of Two and only keep Neve Campbell and I on the cast? AND to save money they could have even fired all of wardrobe. We don't need wardrobe. And the only set we would need is my bed. And definitely a "shower" set. And maybe a "backseat" set. Hmmm...I miss
Neve[<----I did that to her hair]. And I can't even begin to explain how excited I was when they added Jennifer Love Hewitt. I secretly wished that Neve and Jennifer would hook up. Was I the only one? Really?! So I decided to compile a little list of all my favorite movies and why I love them:

1. Dirty Dancing. I watched this movie over and over when I was a little girl. I think it's the reason I don't remember Disney movies very much. I was paying too much attention to all the hot women grinding. Yeah. That's definitely hotter than Cinderella losing her shoe.

2. A League of Their Own. C'mon. I don't think I need to explain this one. Chicks? On a women's baseball team? Wearing short skirts? Hmpf.

3. Scream Trilogy. Um. Neve Campbell in AWESOME shape. Running. And running A LOT. Oh and then add in Courtney Cox. Running. Running A LOT. They might as well have held hands and ran. I would have LOVED that.

4. Wild Things. Okay, so this one is more than obvious. I loved this movie for this reason:
mmm Okay not that reason. Well it's not all that bad...but it was more like this reason: cat fight. To this day, I still love this movie.

Well I am going to end my post on that note. I think it's a rather awesome note to end on, don't you think? I have to get up super early for work tomorrow so I have to hit the sack. I have some other things I am working on for a post tomorrow. So until then, strap in, hold tight and dream of random things.

Until next time...same great time, same great channel, same great face...

- J

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

So many things gay....

*Looks you up and down and winks* How you doin' sexy?

I hope that everyone had an awesome weekend! I know that it's Wednesday and it's taken me forever to get a post up here. But in my defense, my ass loves you. I promise I'll give you a back rub before I work you out tonight. I'll light some candles and play a little 112. That should do it.

So I spent the weekend in LA. And have so much to tell you all about. Friday night I went to a little place called Here. Friday happens to be ladies night and that means the Truckstop girls do a little dancing on the bar. The girls are yummy....not as yummy as my Kelly, but not bad. I made a little mistake and I wound up tipping a girl 10 dollars. NOW, let me explain! I saw all the ones in her panties and thought she would make change! At least thats what I thought in my head. I stood front row at the bar, jaw on the floor like a 12 year old boy as I just got drenched in water. Moral of the story: Jess had fun.

Fast forward past me eating gay pizza and somehow making it home in a wet t shirt to Saturday night. I was lucky enough to go to the Itty Bitty Titty Committee movie. Just an FYI: this movie is so awesome. I couldn't have been more pleased. Well...let's not say that. I could have been more pleased, but that would involve...*ahem* other things. Well...Kelly knows what they are. While at the movie four totally straight douchebags came in to watch the movie. I doubt they had any interest in lesbian culture...they were there because they saw the word "titty" on the sign out front. Grrr. Either way, I enjoyed the movie and you can check out the trailer in my pants:

After I got home from the movie. I ate Cooler Ranch Doritos and talked to Arlan about bringing people to the world. It's a new non profit project we plan to start early spring 2008. Saving the world, one pair of titties at a time. We'll have a logo similar to this one:

We just want to help people. That's all. Oh and no boobs were harmed in the making of the logo. Maybe squeezed for reference, but definitely not harmed.

Sunday night I got to go to Terra Naomi's show and actually meet her! She is an awesome person with amazing talent. I have a pic on my profile of all of us hotties and Terra after the show. You can also navigate to the right side of this page to check out her myspace page and order her album.

I really enjoyed spending time with the people I was with this weekend. I also got to make some new friends. I simply adored Sarah (Arlan's BFF) who runs Robot Envy. We even got a little photo op in:

Another person I met is Tina of the blog Audio Taco. She definitely rocked my socks and somehow we discussed how my vagina needs a lojacking device. And now I have the betch pinging me left and right to track it down. I like her so much I gave her free roadside service. Ehh...whatever keeps em coming back right? The customer always comes first. I'm a lady.

Thanks to Tina I was able to extend my knowledge base on douchebags. She gets full credit for finding this site. Navigate here, poke around, and then come back so we can talk about it.


I KNOW!!! Can you believe it?! I cried. I cried a lot. So much hotness, and so much douche. Not even floral scented douche! I think my favorite was DimpleDouche. This douche was not just a DimpleDouche...hes a multifaceted douche. He has the Guido chest hair, popped collar AND opened shirt with gold chain, and has way too much gel in his hair. I swear if you panned down he'd be wearing white socks with his stiff and cheap wannabe italian loafers. Jesus, it hurts to look at this site for too long. I need to fix this. I will work to the bone to fix all the wrong that was on that site. People, people, lend me your boobies.

After all that...I bugged Arlan for cheese. And then we sat on a bench for an hour and half in the LA sun, eating cold stone, watching three of the most beautiful kids (not more beautiful than my nieces tho) play in a fountain. Couldn't have ended my weekend off better. It would of been nice to see my Grandma but she was in New Mexico taking care of land issues. Other than that, I had a blast. Hope you all had the best weekend.

Right now I am off to relax and watch a movie! I need to laugh! So how bout you swing by, pick up some Ben and Jerry's Cherry Garcia, and then come watch it with me...I could use the company. I could use the company for lots of reasons, but for now we can keep it PG.

Sleep tight, don't let your girlfriend bite...

...unless you want her to.

- J