Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Tattoos of Memories

They say the strongest sense tied to memory is smell. I beg to differ. I've noticed that when I listen to music that I have been listening to for months or even years, the music moves me the same way it did the first time I heard it.

Alanis Morrissett's Jagged Little Pill: I remember my dad and I jumping around the living room when I must have been, I don't know, 12? We screamed the lyrics out loud and hopped around the living room together banging our heads and kicking our feet. Laughing, high-fiving, grinning so hard you couldn't see our eyes. I still see the lines in the corners of his eyes and his mouth because he was smiling so hard. He was embracing my music; he was embracing me. I started going to Border's to buy cd's more often after this.

Sublime's Title Album: I used to listen to this whole CD on repeat while I played Diddy Kong Racing on my N64. I can still see the little go karts speeding around corners as I picked up balloons and dodged oil slicks. I was the shit at that game. I loved being a kid. The only thing I needed to worry about at that age was getting good grades and playing softball. My parents worked hard long hours to bring in the money to allow me to, when you really break it down, play a game. I devoted my life to perfecting using a stick, to hit a ball, to get squares. Plain and simple. If only I knew that life would never be that simple. Ever again. Either way, this was my soundtrack then.

Matchbox Twenty's Yourself or Someone Like You: My mom and I used to listen to this. I was in high school. My parents were splitting up and for the first time I didn't see my mom as this invincible superhero. She ached just like I did sometimes, she was only human and was doing the best that she could for me given the circumstances. Trying her damnedest to make sure my life didn't skip a beat; all the while hers was being picked up and shaken upside down like some change tray out of an old Datsun. She was kind of starting her life over and unsure, just as much as I was, of what tomorrow would bring. All we knew was what we knew that day. I can still see the side of her face as she drove our 1992 Toyota 4Runner. The way it looked as she sang along. The way her eyes focused on the road and her heart focused on the lyrics. We never really talked when this CD was playing. We both knew that each other was taking from the songs just what we needed to get by. We sang along together as if to say to each other "I know".

Dave Matthews' song Break Free: The feeling of a true love for me. Before things got messy and life got in the way. The pace of my breath, the pounding of my heart, the rhythm of my step; that same beat is brought back again and again. I wouldn't change the feeling I get in my stomach or the inevitable grin I can NEVER hold back when I hear this song, for anything in the world. I used to think I needed that person to feel that way still. Held on tight until my hands ached. But once I let go, they still rocked my world through this song as much as they had inspired me to hit repeat and sing along loud, and all obnoxious-like, parked in front of Walgreens so long ago. There are no more questions of what might have been or what went wrong. I don't think they know how thankful I am for the life they pumped through my veins at a time when I thought my life was going to hit a brick wall doing 130. What's left is the good of us in this song. At least for me...

Green Days' song Time of your Life: Many people in my life know the significance of this song for me. Green Day was a hidden gem in my friend Ashley's CD collection. I ganked it from her and played it on the stereo at home. One night I stumbled upon my dad listening to this song. He was sitting in his recliner, eyes closed, head back, feet crossed at the ankles and bouncing with the beat of the song. He started crying. I don't know if he knew I was there sitting on the couch when he started crying, but I just sat and watched. He was crying for the strength he thought he had lost, for the life he thought he was letting slip through his rough, hard working fingers. But all of that was sitting on the fucking couch right in front of him. I hope he found all the answers he wanted in this song. I wanted to tell him that it WAS worth all the while. To me HE WAS worth all the while. I chose to play this song at his funeral. And as luck would have it, a couple months later, this song was chosen by my peers at school to be our graduation song. When this song started to play after everyone had walked across the stage at Memorial Auditorium, I saw his face and thought "thanks for showing up".

And to think, every song has its own beat that is brought back to me again when I listen to it. The way I felt, when I let that song consume me for the first time however long ago, is still fresh. There are so many other songs I could write about. Like how every time I hear Don Gon Do It by the Rapture I see Winter's face and hear her reminding of how at 2:40 she simply loves the clapping. Then raises her hands, looks to her right and claps the beat. Or how I see Melissa's face and leg kick every damn time I hear Tony the Beat by The Sounds. That leg kick is followed by a "Heyyyyyyyy let's kick it".

I have a lot to be thankful for, huh?

*answers self by nodding* Absolutely.

-J

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

I Want a Girl Who's Too Sad to Give a Fuck

I'm kind of using this one as my journal. I've got a leather bound notebook and pen on my nightstand but I don't want to write. I want to type. It's faster that way to get my ramblings out. I've disabled comments because I'm not really looking for a response.

Let me just say...I am so glad I got an ipod. I am attached to the damn thing. If I could make sweet love to my ipod I would. When my other nano died, I learned to get along without it. But now that I have a new one, it gets to the point where my ears hurt because I have my headphones in for so long. Thank god for my ipod alarm clock stereo thingy or else my ears would never get a break. Music is really helping me a lot lately. Right now I'm going through a change in my life. I'm in a new city, which I chose. I am glad I did, because I wanted to start over, fresh and new. I know people here, but they are all new. I find myself yearning for an intimate connection with someone. Someone I could tell all my in's and out's to. Someone I could let in all the way, that could break my fucking heart, but would never dare. Kind of like a drug. Do too much and it'll kill you, but that high is so worth the risk. Reminds me of one of my favorite lyrics: "Loves just an excuse to get hurt/And to hurt/Do you like to hurt?/I do, I do/Then hurt me"

Obviously, no one wants to get hurt. But isn't it great to be in a position that you could be so incredibly vulnerable to being hurt by someone that at the same time you feel 100% safe? I miss the feeling of having my guard down and the confidence that comes with being someone. People take advantage of that. How you know undoubtedly that when you reach for their hand they will always open up their fingers for you to slip yours in between. How, no matter what time of night, you can throw your arm around them and they will always tuckle up to you and go "mmm". How you know that whenever you leave a room that they will be right there watching. That feeling of comfort that comes with having someone in your life that wants to be your everything.

I miss that. I feel like a pilot light. I don't work unless there's a spark. And right now, there's no fucking spark. It's wake up in the morning, go to work, come home and go to sleep. No one to share my day with, no one to cook for, no one to pleasure. Life is so mundane. Black and white. This is my black and it's low. And my only solace is knowing that everyone goes through this, at one point or another. People have come out alive, happy and sharing their lives with someone that means the world to them. I want to mean the world to someone. I want to be someones infatuation. Someone who loves my eccentricities and can love me in spite of my flaws. Someone who would gladly pick out the cherries of the Cherry Garcia for me because although I eat the cherries every once in a while, I really just like the chocolate chunks. Someone who wont complain that I cook macaroni and cheese three times a week. Someone who has no problem spending an entire Saturday making out with me in bed and watching movies with me even if they are sappy like "Steel Magnolias" or gory and intense like "Seven" or "Crash". Someone who needs no other reason to smack my ass besides "because it's there". Someone who can stand me blaring Dave Matthews 24/7 because when it comes down to it, his lyrics move me and have helped me through the hardest times of my life. I guess I could go on forever talking about all the things I wish for in a partner/lover/best friend. But doing so isn't going to get them to me. Fate will. I guess I will have to respect that.

That fucking sucks. Fate has turned out to be a real whore to me. She owes me.

But seriously, it seems like everyone around me has somebody. Why is that?! Can't there be miserable people around me when I'm feeling down? Even the asian lady who thinks Chloe is going to attack her has somebody. She's only ten fucking pounds lady and is more scared of that leaf than she is of you. Jesus Christ. I'm sure her steamed rice and dim sum is fucking bomb, but what about my mexican lasagna?! My bacon provolone pasta?! How come no one wants to eat my food?! Well, they can all just eat me.

I want to gamble everything for love. Meet me in Vegas.

In the meantime, I need to laugh.

Where's My Money Man

Brian's Novel

Ding Fries are Done

Believe me, I mean it when I say, Happy Holidays to you all :]

-J

Sunday, December 23, 2007

"There is this Cheese"

I don't think I have enjoyed a present more...I thank Aimee for this...thank you very, very much!

Oh my

A week ago or so I posted a bulletin on myspace telling you guys about the OhMiBod. It's a vibrator that plugs into an ipod that literally does you based on the rhythm of your music. Okay, so thats all sunshine and rainbows and what not. BUT my friend Jennifer sent me a link to a website that is in the business of showing hot ladies using the OhMiBod. They have an awesome section called "Club Vibe". Here you can use itunes to create your own playlists to upload and share with others. You can also download playlists from other users. The Top 5 [cleaverly named] playlists on Club Vibe right now are:

1. "The Lazy Geisha"
2. "A Little Hip Hop Inside You!!"

3. "A Little More Upbeat...POP!"

4. "Dance in your Boom "Box""

5. "Dark and Goth for your Inside"


Wait. There's more. Also from OhMiBod comes BodiTalk and BodiTalkescort. *pauses*
Wow, so I'm just going to post the item descriptions and you guys do with it what you will.

BodiTalk: A whole new way to talk and play
BodiTalk is activated by calls made to or from your cell phone when in close range. The cell signal triggers a unique 3 pattern vibrating sequence that lasts for the entire call – enabling you to "get off while you’re on."

BodiTalkescort: Be heard not seen
Boditalk escort is the perfect vibe to keep hidden in those secret places and will turn any call into an orgasmic surprise. Its discreet design makes it the perfect companion for passion on the go. Also converts to manual multi-speed vibe...2 products in 1!

I can't believe the technology these days. Who would of thought, like way back in the Titanic days, a cell phone or music would be able to like, do you. Soft or hard. Whichever you choose.
I really have nothing else to say; I'm speechless. This is crazy fantastic.

-J

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Lesbian Jumping Jacks

Hmmm...Lesbian culture. It’s much more than L Word and tank tops ya’ll. I was yearning to learn. So I decided to go to Google and type in “lesbian culture”. I clicked on the result that said “lesbian life, lesbian culture – top picks”. It brought me to a page on About.com. I have used this site before to look up some stuff but I didn’t think they had a lesbian section. I was brought to the author’s top ten all time favorite lesbian movie list. Check it out queer…I mean here.

Also I find it hilarious how ads are geared to advertise things they think we would like based on our search criteria. So listed on the side under the “Most Popular” tab is a list of the most popular searches about lesbians on About.com. The list is as follows:
1. Famous Lesbians…….okay, cool.
2. Oral sex…….good call. *nodding* better than an oreo dipped in ice cold milk.
3. Her first lesbian sex…….mmkay, that’s a little personal. But I like story time so, whatever.
4. G-Spot……I know where that is, do you?
and my favorite *drumroll*…
5. How to fist…….awesomeness.

What I don’t like are the ads on myspace. “ARE YOU EMO?! FIND OUT HERE”. Gee I’m sorry myspace I can’t, cuz my hair is covering my eyes and I colored in my monitor with a sharpie cuz I love the color black so much. Pretty LAME. I do love high school emo kids though. They are my fave. So cute with their tight little itty bitty pants, checkered vans and hanes hoodies with safety pins. I just want to hug them.

Okay I’m hungry. Its lunch and I am in desperate need for some cheese. Melted. With bacon. Fuck sex, that sounds fantastic.

I take it back. I don’t want to fuck sex. I want it...and looking at the new season 5 LW promo I am going to get it!

If you haven't already seen it...



Song obsession of the day:
Three Seed by Silversun Pickups.

-J


Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Bringing Them to da Whurld

This post comes from a pic that Brenna sent me. I just had to share it with you all. Okay so these two right here, they got banned from Disneyland for reasons...well...for reasons that are obvious.







I think it's sad, but as a pick me up I am offering them full lifetime admission to Jessicaland. I promise it much more magical than that fuckin overpriced castle. Don't want to wait in line to ride the 1.5 minute Matterhorn for five hours? Hope in line to ride my Vajahorn. The ride lasts much longer and you might even get wet; which makes it the perfect summer attraction.

Jessica's Wednesday Cool List:
Movie: Superbad
Song: Mmmnn by Grandabob
Website: http://www.toothpastefordinner.com/
Comedian: Kathleen Madigan
Mag: Bust

*muah*

-J

Need Anything from the World?

One of my coworkers asked me that earlier today. I think it is probably the most fantastic question I have ever heard. She was implying Starbucks or cheese but all I could do was laugh because of all the crap that filled my head. One thing that I have found I miss seeing is douche bags. The sightings have been few and far between because I go so far out of my way to avoid them. But now I miss the little fuckers. I would love to spot some holiday douche. I want Kevin’s draped in garland and Mark’s wearing Santa hats. Don’t be surprised if you find me lurking all creepy like at the front doors of Dick’s Sporting Goods or making a late night drive by Napa Auto Parts. I want the smell of exhaust and the sight of oversized cubic zirconias from Mervyn’s in my face. *sigh* I think I’m sad.

You know what else I miss? My damn computer! Grrr. Geek squad still has it and I am getting impatient. I miss blogging whenever my heart desires. I miss getting lost online until the wee hours of the morning. Now that I have a video ipod, I really miss itunes. AND I can’t wait to download the Sims 2 back onto my computer. I miss playing that game. You know what’s fun? Making a girl Sim hit on another girl Sim. I was curious if they would actually have the option of having sex and they do! Hehe, leave it up to me to act like a 13 year old boy, huh? There are even people online who create different skins to resemble
L Word characters. So when I get a chance, I am going to download myself a Bette and see how well my Jessica Sim and Bette Sim get along. *wink wink*

I tried doing Christmas cards last night but I just didn’t have the energy. All of my addresses are lost and I would have to call or text everyone to get their address, so as you can tell I was not motivated. My question is, do people really care if they get a Christmas card? I mean, really? It seems like it means close to nothing when you send one to someone but when they don’t get one, its blasphemy. Well people are not getting Christmas cards from me this year. So Happy Holiday’s from me and Chloeface.

So this is what I want from the world:
-Holiday sightings of douche bags.
- My computer back so I can download TS2 and make all the Female Sims hit on each other
- A special someone to kiss under the mistletoe and eat melted cheese with.
- Everyone special in my life to get what they want for Christmas. No matter what it is.
- Cheese, chocolate and Kelly Clarkson wearing nothing but chucks and a vintage t shirt laying in my bed.

That’s TIT. I’m simple. So I expect you’ll make it happen.

I thought this was funny:

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting




Aight bitches. It’s that time of the week again. “National Reminder You’re Not Getting Laid Day” i.e.: hump day. Enjoy yourselves.

-J

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Playground Love

*listening to Spoon’s “They Never Got You” and sipping tea while thinking about stuff*

How is everyone? I am in work early today. I must say I DO like getting an early start to my day. But that’s only after I am done bitching to myself for being up this early and actually getting a roll on things. I don’t like waking up this early, but I do like the notion of getting shit done early. There is only ONE way that I actually enjoy being up this early. And it doesn’t require me getting out of bed, or in some instances even opening my eyes. In fact I’d rather keep ‘em closed. It’s more fantastical that way :]

I had a very good night last night. It was simple. Simple is good for me right now. But one thing I did not do was make out Christmas cards. FUCK! They probably won’t reach some of my family until after the New Year. But it’s the thought that counts right?! I’ll just tell myself that.

So a while ago I was talking to someone about first loves, second loves, third loves and so on. And we were discussing the difference between first loves with a man and first loves with a woman. Is it possible to have a first love with both? I mean, our heart is a heart. It doesn’t know the difference between a man and a woman. Shouldn’t our first love be our first love regardless of their sex? And if the next love happens to be a person of a different sex than the first, does that mean you experience first love again? I feel like, if my heart yearned and ached the first time, it doesn’t matter who the second person is. My first will always remain my first. I’m sad we broke each others hearts the way we did, but he’s a good person, just not good for me.

[subject change] I’ve been meaning to ask what you guys thought about all that.

I notice that when I have my ipod on shuffle I skip over the same songs all the time. I compiled a list of songs that I found I NEVER skip over. I could be in the middle of eating cheese, sitting in traffic, or even, groping some breasts and I will never skip over these songs:
- Why You Wanna- T.I
[I think it’s so cute how he says “love”]
- Since You Been Gone- Kelly Clarkson [turns me on when she says “shut your mouth”. Just for that I’d keep on talking]
- Maybe Tomorrow- Stereophonics
[it always picks me up]
- To Zion- Lauryn Hill [I look forward to the day I can relate to this song]
- Pretty Little Thing- Fink
[it’s just cute]
- Please Forget- The Hourly Radio
[the closest to liking the 80’s I’ll ever get]
- Frozen- Tegan and Sara
[duh. They’re awesome.]
- Breathe Me- Sia
[I listen to the whole song just to hear the music stop and start again at 3:00]
- Old Dirt Hill- Dave Matthews Band
[the lyric “the first time I kissed her I lost my legs”]
- Jane Fonda- Mickey Avalon
[makes me want to shake my ass]
- Sugar (Gimme Some)- Trick Daddy
[reminds me of one of my favorite things]
- Sideways- Citizen Cope
[his voice]
- Warning- Incubus
[it reminds me of the video and Brandon looks HOT in it.]
- Crash Into Me- Dave Matthews Band
[c’mon now. lyrically one of my favorite DMB songs]
- What it Feels Like- Lola Ray [its rock and roll sex.]
- You Got Me- The Roots feat. Jill Scott
[simply put: the roots and jill scott]
- The Kill- 30 Seconds to Mars
[I like when he says face. lol]
- DOA- Foo Fighters
[the lyric: “made you come clean in a dirty dress”]
- One Piece at a Time- Johnny Cash
[its fuckin funny]

Try to enjoy your Wednesday! It feels like Thursday to me. FYI: I answer the phones at my work and I find that I am sounding more and more like the lady in Office Space. “Corporate accounts payable, Nina speaking….just a moment.

Happy Humping to you all! If you don't have someone to hump, then hump a wall. That's what I'll be doing!

-J

Thursday, December 6, 2007

I Wear Your Sex Upon My Sleeves

I have big sleeves. Like Stevie Nicks. This post is coming to you live from my office chair. I’ve had some stuff saved on my blogger so I am throwing it in here as we speak. I have to keep the good stuff coming to get you guys to come back right? *sets out a tray of assorted cheeses* There you go. Come back now ya hear?

**If girl on girl talk makes you a little uncomfortable, two things. One: stop reading here, because the stuff below is for people who can handle that sort of stuff. Two: Don’t watch the “Oh My God” Pink video below.


So I am in the middle of reading this book that Noha got me. It’s called “Same Sex and the City”. It is written by Lauren Levin and Lauren Blitzer. It dives right into lesbian culture and shares the lives and coming out stories of lesbian women. I love this book and I even read it in the car on the way to work this morning. DON’T worry! Your mom was driving me to work and I was in the passenger side. And let’s just say, I know the backseat and your mom like the back of my hand. Back to the book, here’s just a few of my favorite parts, just to give you a taste:

Lauren Levin talking about when she realized she was gay:
“The next day Anna and I took her dog up the mountains. It was undoubtedly one of the happiest days of my life. It was the day I found the missing puzzle piece. I found my future. Happiness was indeed possible. I wanted what Anna and Deidre had. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with the woman of my dreams I wanted to have children with my best friend, my lover. Never before did I know a normal life was possible as a gay woman. I realized that everything I didn’t think I wanted, I actually longed for. The only difference was that I wanted to share this life with a woman, and not a man.”

True, true…..don’t we all?

First time pointers:
Be the tortoise, not the hare: You’ve got all night to make love. Tease her with your touch. Undress her slowly. Appreciate each inch of her soft skin. Kiss her stomach. Take in her scent. Fondle her breasts. Kiss her neck. Caress her inner thighs. Take in her smell. Massage her ass. You want her desperate for your touch, to feel her shiver. Lay your naked body on top of hers. Foreplay with girls is incredible. There’s a whole lot of fun to be had before you ever even touch her down there. When she reaches her breaking point, and just can’t seem to handle it anymore...go for the gold...at least when you’re with a woman, size is never an issue.”

Amen to that. I think I need to read that paragraph…umm…again. Slowly and a little to the left.

Lauren Blitzer talking about her first time:
“I felt a magnetic pull toward her body as she inched closer to mine. I looked into her eyes as she placed her lovely hands on my hips. Our eyes met and we kissed. It was warm and beautiful. My body tingled. I pressed my hands on her, pulling her close to me. We stopped for a second, and I snuggled my face in that space between her shoulder and her neck. It fit perfectly. I stayed there for a while. She wrapped her arms around me and we stood there enjoying the feel of each other.”

Like a puzzle piece. *sigh* That paragraph is refreshing. I know I will have some arguments here about what I am about to say, but its hard to find a man that can feel all the emotion it takes to be that vulnerable with someone as these women were with each other.

So if you guys have a chance, check out the book! I’m only a third of the way through but I am loving it so much.

I have a Tegan and Sara concert tonight in Berkley! I am super stoked. I promise I will take lots of pics and be super lame and post them on here.

For now, I am off. I hope all of you enjoy your Thursday! Remember when Thursdays on NBC used to be awesome?! All the Friends and Frasier. And I think, Will & Grace!

Last night I watched Death Proof by Quentin Tarentino from the Double Feature Grindhouse. Vanessa Ferlito. Damn.



I KNOW!

I’m out betches.

-J

Monday, December 3, 2007

Happy Feckin' Holidays

This is why I am glad it’s the holiday season. I can listen to this over and over again and no one can say anything!

Ugh. It’s that time of the year ya’ll. Where couples take vacation days, do each other all day long, then go out in public with their “sex glow” and “freshly fucked” hair and buy gifts for each other. You’ve seen them. They are the ones smiling. And you know what is even worse? They are always getting the good parking spots. I wonder what they had for breakfast. Probably Grapenuts. I wonder if I eat Grapenuts if I’ll get good parking spots and freshly fucked hair. Hmpf.

Random: When I was little my dad used to carry cones around in his trunk. If we saw a good parking spot, he’d pop the trunk, I’d jump out, run across the parking lot and put the cones down. People swore it was for construction or something. Or if we had a good parking spot, had to leave but were intending on coming back and didn’t want to lose it, we would put the cones down when we left. They always held our spot. Lol. People can be so trusting sometimes.

It’s been a while since I last posted and that is mostly because my life is lame. My ‘puter is now broken. There is something wrong with the wireless switch. On top of that, (and my breasts) I need a new power cord because it won’t charge. I am also broke, so I can’t afford to fix any of that. But good news: ChloeFace is still cute as hell, I just bought a brand new pack of cheese, my birthday balloons from my roommate are still inflated and floating around my room scaring me in the middle of the night and I’m done with my Christmas shopping. But it’s no longer my birthday month.

I watched Romy and Michelle’s High School Reunion the other day and I forgot just how good it was. My favorite lines:

Romy: Swear to God, sometimes I wish I was a lesbian.

Michele: Do you want to try, to see if we are?

Romy: What? Yeah, right, Michelle. Just the idea of having sex with another woman creeps me out. But if we're still single at 30, ask me again.

Michele: Okay.

I actually had this pact with one of my friends when I was younger. Wow. She’s still straight. I’m a lesbian. Both single. Only 7 years to go until we test to see if she is…..hmmm…good day for Jess *wink wink*

So how was everyone’s Thanksgiving? I know it is a little late to ask but its better than never right? Mine was good. My mom woke me up at 4 AM the day after to go black Friday shopping. It was soooo nice of her to take me shopping, but I am not a morning person. I will never be a morning person. So don’t try waking me before ten unless you wanna lose a nipple. I’m serious.

Plans for the holidays are to eat, drink and be merry. Pretty much the same agenda I hold from day to day. Hopefully my computer will be fixed in the next couple of weeks and I will be able to post more now that I have more time [boobs] on my hands. I am also going to try and do some more Operator 11 shows with Arlan. Possibly do a holiday special. What do you guys thinks? Santa hats and booze? Nothing says bringing in the holidays like two lesbians shooting the shit and talking about breasts and cheese.

Oh and by the way….you’re sexy.


-J

Monday, November 19, 2007

Case of the Monday's?

Can you believe it's only Monday?! Thought I would share this with the rest of you all to make you laugh.



:]

Hope everyone has a good week! If I don't post before Thanksgiving, HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

-J

Saturday, November 17, 2007

OH MY GOD....

....is damn right. This makes me cry it's so hot. Pink's "Oh my god"



Arlan said she posted this so I am just sharing the love and passing it on...But I ganked this from Bridget :] She's hot ya'll. And has this awesome vid on her page which makes her one of my favorite people!

My girls from Sac left today and we had some good times last night. I will have pics soon I am sure. *AHEM* And tomorrow is my birthday, so I am headed to bed. I need my beauty rest! Hope everyone has a safe Saturday night.

-J


Wednesday, November 14, 2007

[BLANK]

Just to let everyone know, I will be deleting my myspace page. I will be starting a new one, but not any time soon. So check back here for the URL and I will do my best to track down all the people I can...thanks!

I'll keep writing here so you can always check back here if you want to hear me talk about cheese or douche bags. I'll keep all that ish flowing for sure :]

-J

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

Just a Phase

It is incredible how the human body works. I’m amazed at how closely connected our emotions are with the rest of our body. And I don’t mean watery eyes or choked up words. I mean how your heart can ache. I mean how I can just be sitting in a damn chair, and it feels like the words in my head are playing my body like an instrument; strumming hard on my heart strings, tendons and ligaments, tapping my mind like a bass drum, hell, even playing my boobs like the bongos. My head was in the clouds on the way to work this morning. I don’t remember anything about my drive. But I could describe to you vividly every picture that was painted by the music pumping through my speakers. It’s a miracle I made it to work alive, really. I mean our hearts are there to pump blood right? It’s there to get the blood from point A to points B-Z of our body to keep us moving, one foot in front of the other, and one breath after the next. You wouldn’t think that it would even have the time to worry about what I’m worrying about. I suppose my heart was in flight or fight mode this morning. Working extra hard to keep that little roller coaster in my head moving in circles, shutting down the less important parts of me so energy could be sent to my feet and hands so I could drive. But my eyes didn’t see much and my ears didn’t hear anything but the music. And it was like my mind was staring and consumed with a version of Hightlights that was based on my life; analyzing over and over every detail and subtle difference of nearly the same fucking picture I see everyday, in hopes of finding all the answers. Pointless really. Someone ripped out the answers page. Fuck.

I’m beginning to lose faith that things happen for a reason. I’m having a hard time accepting the road that my life is going down. I guess I will have to learn to sleep at night knowing that I am doing the best I can with things. I guess I’ll have to stop thinking I can change things, situations or people. Things are what they are, and I can only do as much as I can. I wonder if there is a book at Borders that will teach me to tell my mind to stop being so consumed with it all, to tell my heart to stop worrying about sending in the reserves, and to stop “feeling” so much. I feel too much. And it hurts to feel this much. I want some melted cheese on something.

Friday, November 2, 2007

"Oh my...it's long"

It is. My post, that is. You sluuuuts. It's been about a week since I did a real post on this thing. I feel ashamed. But I am making up for it with lots of goodies. I am writing this at night and I will put the finishing...touches *giggle* on it tomorrow morning and post.

How was everyone's Halloween? I went to Sacramento Saturday night to attend a Halloween shindig at a friends boyfriends bar. It was uber good times and I have never had so much fun sitting in one place for three hours. I thought I would go out on a limb and show you guys a few pics. Remember: the pictures below are for your entertainment only…they are NOT to be used for harassment purposes. That is unless you want to harass yourself into my pants. If that's the case, then, bring it. [Editor's note: I just wanted to say "editors note". Well, not really. Just wanted to say that I'm a broke ho, and we had to whip up a last minute costume for me, so the best thing we came up with was Johnny Knoxville. Well that's not true. Rachelle, aka "Flo", had me dressed up like a Harley Davidson Biker chick, with leather vest and all. I looked gay. I mean, gayer than KD Lang and Melissa Ethridge making out on a bed with "I <3 Shane" sheets with matching duvet cover, with Tegan and Sara playing in the background AND with Arlan watching and getting it all on video. I enjoy all things gay, but I went with Johnny Knoxville instead.]
< good times >














< /good times >


In other news. It's my birthday month!!! Ever since I was a little girl I have always celebrated my birthday month. I have birthday month rights, and when it's my birthday week, I will have birthday week rights. Deal with it. This means at any time I can shout out "It's my birthday month/week!" and you have to smile and pat me on the head. And if you lived with me, you'd find sticky notes EVERYWHERE reminding you and you'd be sure to get my birthday list in your email. It's just something I do, so love me for me. I will officially turn 23 on November 18th. I happen to share this birthday with my niece
Kennedy. She will be 3. Although I'm sure she will tell you she's 4. She's such a love.

Moving on...I just saw this video and I think you should watch it too. Umm, yeah. Lol
update: i was able to find another video that is actually available. so if you weren't able to watch now you can. k ima go eat breakfast.



My favorite part starts at -1:19. I think if I were ever to do karaoke, I'd do this version of this song. Hands down...

...your pants.

I think that was quite possibly the worst performance ever. Two questions: Umm why did people clap and cheer at the end? And second, why isn't this getting more attention?! Everyone and their mom (not my mom tho) was quick to tear apart Britney's performance and I have yet to hear anyone really talk about this performance. Maybe it's because this is such an utterly huge disaster. I mean, I don't think Amy Winehouse was even trying to pull it off. She was too far gone. I find humor in other people's embarassment.

So I went to the gym earlier [now last night] and I had a pretty good workout. It was much needed too because I had a long day. I didn't leave the office until 6 and didn't get home until 7. I know, ouch. Come rub me down? Anywho, I was at the gym and I thought it would be cool to get a personal trainer. So I called my mom and told her to scratch those sunglasses I wanted off her list and get me a personal trainer instead. She said "no". I said "ok, love you, I'm winded, bye". *click* So on the way out I decided to ask just how much it would cost to whip me into shape. I have some toning and losing fat I need to do, but I wont tell you all how much. The guy said it would take two months to get there and that it would cost...*drumroll*...$1300. I was sooo taken back by this figure. How does this guy sleep at night?! I can understand that much for like a huge life altering improvement to your body...but not for what I was looking to it for. Ugh. So Jess has to continue working out on her own and let's just hope I reach my goals by January. *reaches into bag of Doritos*

So, my friend Rachelle is coming this weekend to pay me a little visit so I might not be able to get you a post. But I have some stuff stashed away so check back. What is everyone doing this weekend? Tonight Rachelle is going to make me tater tot casserole and we are going to watch some movies. Then tomorrow I was thinking of doing a little thrift store shopping, maybe grab some lunch and then hit up the bars tomorrow night. So I hope everyone enjoy's their weekend! I was given some very good advice by a dear gay friend of mine and I thought I'd share it with you all.

Arlan says: "Breasts make everything better".

Seriously.

Kiss your girlfriends. Grab some ass. Break someone off. Drop a beat. Take a shot. Give me money. BE SAFE!

-J

Sunday, October 28, 2007

Sangwich

Real quick post. I just got home from Sac not too long ago and just wanted to say that I have the cutest dog on the face of this earth. Seriously, look for yourself:






I saw the school girls uniform and could not resist. She's such a love! In other news. I'm tired. Very tired. So I am off to get ready for bed and watch a little Friends. But I just had to get on here and show you guy's Chloe's costume :]

Hope you all have a good Sunday night and Monday morning! I leave you with one of my favorite episodes of friends. TOW Ross' Sandwich. He's so incredibly neurotic about his sandwich, it reminds me of myself.





-J

Friday, October 26, 2007

I'm weird AND This Post is Indeed Random

Umm I just wanted to post and tell you all just how weird I am. Don't hate. Appreciate

-I like to eat macaroni with tortilla chips. Wanna know why? Because the cheese and chips reminds me of nachos. Then throw in there a little pasta...and well, it's a good night.
-Along the same lines, I like to eat spaghettios with a flour tortilla. Now I have no idea why, but it tastes good.
-I noticed the other day that I like to keep my bath stuff in the same spot in the shower. Not sure if this would be considered nuerotic or what, but I like having all my stuff in their "spots".
-You will also notice that I dont like to finish the ends of my drinks. It's been my experience that the very ends of drinks are nasty. They are either watered down with spit or with the melted ice. Ew. Who wants to taste that? Not I. Not I.
-I eat meticulously. Since I was a kid, for some reason, I always end up with a little bit of everything at the end of my meal. A bite of corn, mashed potatoes, and say, meatloaf. I guess my mind is trying to prepare a "good last bite". But problem is, there is always a little too much of everything to fit it all on my spoon/fork. So I end up breaking it up anyways. I'm freaking you out huh?
-Cool thing though the second to last bite is always the best. And if you ever eat with me, and for some weird reason feed eachother, I'll always share the second to last bite because it's always the best.
-When I use the volume on the tv I like to keep the volume level on even numbers. I can't quite figure out why this is. I think it's because I feel like odd numbers are negative numbers.

Okay. That's enough of now. I can feel people judging me already. But I just thought I would share a little bit of myself.

Ummm I saw this pic today and a bunch of things came into my head. And I thought I would share. It shows just how gay I can be.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting



1. Anyone else notice the giant vagina in the background?
2. The second girl from the left is soooo holding the girl to her left's hand. Mhmm. They're so doin' it.
3. The girl on the very right is so a top.
4. This could so be a gay cingular commercial.
5. I totally spotted L Word characters when looking at this. From left to right.
-Alice. Because she looks kind of bi.
-Shane. Duh.
-Jenny. The bitch looks crazy.
-Phyllis. She's obviously the oldest one of the bunch. Which totally explains the socks with the shoes. I mean, that's sooooo 1940. It's 1942.
- Marina. She's tall, she's mammoth, she has a foreign...ahem..."tongue" and she'll tear.your.shit.up.

Hope you enjoyed my 1940's L Word cast. It's Friday. Go drink. Be merry. Drive safe.

***the opinions about the photo in the post are solely MY opinion. don't even THINK about emailing me and saying some shit like "the first girl soooooo doesn't look like alice". i don't care, shut your face. <----said with love.

*muah!*

-J

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Serious Face

Ugh. It has been one of those days. I feel like I have been working my ass off. I got home at nearly 7 yesterday. And was at work by 8:40 this morning (I sat in traffic for an hour and 20 minutes).The traffic was really really bad. I feel kind of out of sorts. I've never used that phrase, ever, but it seems fitting now. I need to get my sorts all together. I have friends here, and I have good friends in Sac. Everyone is within arms reach if I ever need them. And they are certainly a phone call away, but I feel like I am in my own little bubble. I've been told that's what I need right now, but I can't shake the feeling that it's not. Things have settled down a bit from the summer and now it feels like all work and no play. I couldn't even find the energy to meet up with anyone last night. Hmm...not quite sure what to do. BUT I do thank Peter for sending me douche bag pics. They sooooooooooo made my day. :]

In other news I read an article today about the top 11 geekiest shirts. You can check them out here. My favorite is the Twitter one. Anyone been on Twitter? I started getting into a couple months back, then I sort of got bored of it. I didnt like how you can't search for anyone. So I had these random people twittering me that I didn't know. Which was cool because some were funny. But I found it kind of retarded after a while.

So my therapist gave me a lot of insight today. I see a therapist for "maintenance" reasons. I think that going through life's tough times is hard enough. But I don't want to alienate myself and lose people in the meantime. So I use her ear so I can straighten myself out without affecting anyone else in my life. It's nice to have someone unbiased to just listen. And you know what's even better? She never talks about herself. It's one of her best qualities. LOL. She's so selfless. Anyways I've been thinking lots about who I am without anyone else and I'm trying to find myself now that I am pretty much divorced and doing my own thing. I have found that I struggled more with the transition of not having anyone to answer to, cater to and love than I thought I would. I'm just not a selfish person when it comes to those things. So when at the end of the day I think, what do I want to do, I'm usually like "I don't know" if there isn't someone that needs me. But at the same time I love doing those things. She also made me realize that all the catering I did to my ex was me trying to prove my love. I was trying to prove myself. When in actuality we should have loved eachother for who we were; not what we did for eachother. She asked me how I thought I would feel if someone loved me for me and not for the things I did for them out of love. And I said, "I don't know". True story.

I'm pretty much an open book. I do all that crap. I wear my heart on my sleeve, I'll be the one throwing rocks at your window at midnight; I'm the idiot on the Today show in the crowd in the window with the sign that says "I love you [insert name here]" and grinning like a damn fool. That's me. And reading what Sarah put today, I'm proud I'm like that.


From Sarah's blog Robot Envy, when speaking about holding back in the beginning of a relationship:

i don't think it's a necessity, but for some people it's just natural, and for others, it's...safe. personally i'm pretty much an open book, but think about it: the best books you read slowly, savoring every page. you read them bit by bit because you don't want them to be over. of course, books do eventually come to an end, and so do people's lives, for that matter, but this isn't really a good analogy because people generally live longer than it takes for the average person to read a fucking book. but you get where i'm going with this i think. with a person, there is always something more to learn. and my favorite books? i read them over and over...and over again.

Amen! God, I love her thinking.


I have no idea what my next step in life is but I am not going to concern myself with it too much. I don't want it to consume me. What I do know is, I am going to Sac tomorrow after work to spend some time with my cousins and then go to a little shindig Saturday night. I'll be back on Sunday.

What is everyone else doing for the weekend? I am sure there are lots of Halloween parties going on, so have a drink or two for me. And I'll be sure to do the same for you!

As Noha would say, "perky nipples" to you all...

-J

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Mmmm Doritos

This post comes live to you from my bed. I'm still half dressed from work. I still have on my work pants but I also have on my gym t shirt and sports bra. And to be honest I have no clue how in between changing my shirt I stopped changing my pants and got on the comp. Now I'm sitting here, music blaring, phone open, with a bag of Cooler Ranch Doritos strategically placed so my left hand slides in and out nicely. The only thing I am missing is a soda. My mini fridge is about 5 feet away. Too far.

So good news. Anyone who was following the whole "myspace being retarded and deleting the YDLM profile" fiasco know that it is back, baby! Ya heard me...so if you added the new page, good on you! If not then, the old one is a friend of yours again. But be sure to add www.yourdailylesbianmoment.blogspot.com to your internet browser favorites. Just in case!

In other news, I had a long day. I was working the whole day and didn't even take a break. At the end of the work day, we celebrated boss appreciation day for our boss. It was pretty cool because we got beer and chips and just sat around shooting the shit in a conference room. I tell you, I really needed that Corona. Although it was just one, it reminded me that you have to take it easy every once in a while. My immediate boss's last day was today for about 4 to 6 weeks. She is having surgery and so now I am going to be covering for her. So be sure to send me lots of emails to make me smile, because I have a feeling I am going to need it.

Okay. I've been vegging out on Doritos and ChloeFace needs to go out. Right now I am off to the gym. And will people send me some damn money so I can buy a new iPod. I never realized how much working out SUCKS without one. Bleh.

In the meantime, check out the sites in my "Navigate This" section, if you haven't already. Also, check out this vid for one of my favorite songs of ALL TIME. It wouldn't let me embed, so double click my happy place. Oh and because I can't grab your boob from here:



:]

-J

Your Daily Lesbian Moment Updates and Some Other News

For some freakish, crazy reason, the Your Daily Lesbian Moment myspace profile has been deleted. Arlan is waiting on hearing back from Myspace on what happened. But in the meantime she has started to rebuild @ www.myspace.com/yourdailylesbianmoment.

So technically it's not deleted, it just relocated. You should definitely run by and add her as a friend. Also be sure to add the official Your Daily Lesbian Moment Blog to your internet browser favorites, just in case. You can check out the story of what happened here:
Your Daily Lesbian Moment Blog

In other news, if you find real gay and lesbian news too dramatic you can check out
Fake Gay News for a funny twist on fake events. It's kinda like the Daily Show. Only. Gay. If you want real news you can always head to 365gay.com

Or you can head to my pants. Either way, you'll get some gay.

So yesterday sucked. I had a very long day and enjoyed just relaxing at home with a movie after work. I watched the movie The Ex with Amanda Peet and Zach Braff. It was good, but not as hilarious as I wanted or needed it to be. So I give it just one thumb up. And I say one because I had a free rental at Blockbuster so it was free. Not too shabby for free. FYI: I'm free. And also not too shabby. *wink wink*

To start Tuesday off right, let's sit down cross legged and braid eachothers hair and look at this:


Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting


Oh my god. How did that get into my photobucket? well, it's gay. very gay. So that's probably why. God. What douchebags.

Okay lets try it again:


Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting


Phew that's better :]

Happy Tuesdays...tomorrow is Wednesday. Start looking for your humping partner now! You don't wanna end up like me...eating cheese and watching Friends with ChloeFace NOT humping.

-J

Monday, October 22, 2007

Tis the Season

I definitely want to try and go snowboarding this year. I have my own board and since I lived in the East for nearly 4 long ass years, I didn't have many chances to go. And I want to go wherever this is:




Yeah.

And the reason I want to go is because it looks like it gets great snow. That's all I'm really concerned about. The snow. Mmhmm.

I was sure to carefully examine the snow. I've identified some particularly interesting spots, that I will be sure to look out for on the hill. Because after all, I'm a professional and take it very very seriously.





Sleep tight on this Sunday night...be sure to dream of shell top adidas and purdy ladies...

-J

Friday, October 19, 2007

Dave, Dave, Dave....David.

Anyone know where my title is from? If so, I'll send you a lollipop :]

So I didn't have time like I thought I would last night to get a post up. It really is funny how time flies by. I am finding more and more that there isn't enough time in my day. I have been getting home a little later because traffic lately has been hellish. Even when I have carpool lane it's bad. And you know what sucks about traffic? The fact I get caught next to a douche bag. Normally I try to keep my douche bag exposure time to a minimum because being near them is damaging and it hurts me. I wish I had one of those chemical showers. You know the ones you run under and pull the handle on if you get chemicals on you? They had them in science class. I wish I had them to wash all the douche bag off me. Normally, in traffic I love blowing by their lonely asses in the regular lanes. In their pompous Audi Coupes with their Bluetooth headsets probably talking to their mom's about whether or not they are going to make pumpkin shaped sugar cookies this year. Losers.

So I tried watching Y Tu Mama Tambien and I didn't get through it. I wasn’t in a subtitle mood. I normally LOVE foreign movies like The Red Violin and Maria Full of Grace (two of my favorites) but I couldn't do it. I have actually seen the last half of this movie, which is why I was quick to turn it off when I realized. I got a little lost in music after that. Then showered and turned on some Scrubs. It was a pretty boring night. I was uber tired.

Some of you might not know this about me, but I love Dave Matthews. I know, I know, some of you don't and utterly despise him. BUT, I love him lyrically. And musically. And physically. MMM yes. So I thought I'd share a song :]

Below is the American Baby Intro. I usually put this on when I need some sort of "out". Check it out and let me know what you think.

***I couldn't find this one on youtube so it's through myspace. I'm not sure if everyone can view it. IF you can't and don't have an account….what's wrong with you?! Get one here

american baby intro-dmb

Add to My Profile More Videos

Wasn't that nice? Yes. I know. It was. I felt it too.

If you guys are hopeless romantics, like muah, then check out lyrics to some of my favorite Dave songs. I think that we all are lucky to feel this way about someone at least ONCE in our lives. And if it doesn't last, I think it's better to have experienced it than not at all. So be thankful, bitches.

My all time favorite is one that later became "Satellite". It's called "After Her". It's played to the same tune, but with different lyrics. I've known about and listened to this song for years and I still get goosebumps.

1. After Her
2. Say Goodbye
3. Break Free
4. Dream Girl
5. So Right

Okay that is going to have to wrap up this Friday post. I am hungry. Anyone got some bacon or cheese? Damn.

Happy Friday!

-J

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Neglected

Okay my loves, I've been busy. I take full responsibility for neglecting you and want you to know that I APPRECIATE YOU. And all that you do. I have to make this quick because you see, mama's gotta bring home the bacon. And when I say mama I mean the piece of ass you should be tapping DAILY, NIGHTLY and EVER-SO-RIGHTLY. And when I say bacon, I mean...bacon. Extra crispy. I don't do it limp.

Here's the good news: I have time tonight for a new post. BUT I'm going to watch Y Tu Mama Tambien before, that way I have something juicy to write about. Anyone seen it? I heard its pretty raunchy.

Today's post comes loaded with Tegan and Sara. They just did a vid for one of my favorite songs. Feast your eyes on "The Con" and let me know what you think.



Other tidbits for the day:
-Eat cheese
-Keep abreast of the latest
news
-Buy
tshirts
-
Email me. Ask me questions, tell me about your day, show me pics of your dog...you know, whatevs.
-Most importantly: smile.

Alright ladies and some gents...have a good day, and be gentle tonight would ya'?

-J

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

It ALL Makes Sense

Okay. So I feel like an ass. I just spent 15 minutes in my bathroom trying to kill a gnat with my bath towel. I was thinking that somehow my towel would hit the damn thing and it would be propelled into the ground or the wall, and sustain some sort of life ending bodily damage. Ummm...it didnt work. But the joke is on the gnat. I shut the door on him. He'll be there in the morning. I'm going to spend my night revising my strategy. I'll be well rested and ready in the morning. I promised Chloe and I can't let her down.

In the shower I was thinking about being younger and I realized just how many crushes I had! I used to LOVE the shows Ally McBeal and Party of Five. While watching Ally McBeal I remember totally loving scenes with Portia De Rossi and Lucy Liu. I totally thought they were hot and I had no clue that in the back of my mind I was wishing they would just start rolling around the desk and then ask me to join. HAD NO CLUE.

Can we also talk about Party of Five? And how much I wished Fox would change the name to Party of Two and only keep Neve Campbell and I on the cast? AND to save money they could have even fired all of wardrobe. We don't need wardrobe. And the only set we would need is my bed. And definitely a "shower" set. And maybe a "backseat" set. Hmmm...I miss
Neve[<----I did that to her hair]. And I can't even begin to explain how excited I was when they added Jennifer Love Hewitt. I secretly wished that Neve and Jennifer would hook up. Was I the only one? Really?! So I decided to compile a little list of all my favorite movies and why I love them:

1. Dirty Dancing. I watched this movie over and over when I was a little girl. I think it's the reason I don't remember Disney movies very much. I was paying too much attention to all the hot women grinding. Yeah. That's definitely hotter than Cinderella losing her shoe.

2. A League of Their Own. C'mon. I don't think I need to explain this one. Chicks? On a women's baseball team? Wearing short skirts? Hmpf.


3. Scream Trilogy. Um. Neve Campbell in AWESOME shape. Running. And running A LOT. Oh and then add in Courtney Cox. Running. Running A LOT. They might as well have held hands and ran. I would have LOVED that.


4. Wild Things. Okay, so this one is more than obvious. I loved this movie for this reason:
mmm Okay not that reason. Well it's not all that bad...but it was more like this reason: cat fight. To this day, I still love this movie.

Well I am going to end my post on that note. I think it's a rather awesome note to end on, don't you think? I have to get up super early for work tomorrow so I have to hit the sack. I have some other things I am working on for a post tomorrow. So until then, strap in, hold tight and dream of random things.


Until next time...same great time, same great channel, same great face...


- J

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

So many things gay....

*Looks you up and down and winks* How you doin' sexy?

I hope that everyone had an awesome weekend! I know that it's Wednesday and it's taken me forever to get a post up here. But in my defense, my ass loves you. I promise I'll give you a back rub before I work you out tonight. I'll light some candles and play a little 112. That should do it.

So I spent the weekend in LA. And have so much to tell you all about. Friday night I went to a little place called Here. Friday happens to be ladies night and that means the Truckstop girls do a little dancing on the bar. The girls are yummy....not as yummy as my Kelly, but not bad. I made a little mistake and I wound up tipping a girl 10 dollars. NOW, let me explain! I saw all the ones in her panties and thought she would make change! At least thats what I thought in my head. I stood front row at the bar, jaw on the floor like a 12 year old boy as I just got drenched in water. Moral of the story: Jess had fun.

Fast forward past me eating gay pizza and somehow making it home in a wet t shirt to Saturday night. I was lucky enough to go to the Itty Bitty Titty Committee movie. Just an FYI: this movie is so awesome. I couldn't have been more pleased. Well...let's not say that. I could have been more pleased, but that would involve...*ahem* other things. Well...Kelly knows what they are. While at the movie four totally straight douchebags came in to watch the movie. I doubt they had any interest in lesbian culture...they were there because they saw the word "titty" on the sign out front. Grrr. Either way, I enjoyed the movie and you can check out the trailer in my pants:



After I got home from the movie. I ate Cooler Ranch Doritos and talked to Arlan about bringing people to the world. It's a new non profit project we plan to start early spring 2008. Saving the world, one pair of titties at a time. We'll have a logo similar to this one:




We just want to help people. That's all. Oh and no boobs were harmed in the making of the logo. Maybe squeezed for reference, but definitely not harmed.

Sunday night I got to go to Terra Naomi's show and actually meet her! She is an awesome person with amazing talent. I have a pic on my profile of all of us hotties and Terra after the show. You can also navigate to the right side of this page to check out her myspace page and order her album.

I really enjoyed spending time with the people I was with this weekend. I also got to make some new friends. I simply adored Sarah (Arlan's BFF) who runs Robot Envy. We even got a little photo op in:





Another person I met is Tina of the blog Audio Taco. She definitely rocked my socks and somehow we discussed how my vagina needs a lojacking device. And now I have the betch pinging me left and right to track it down. I like her so much I gave her free roadside service. Ehh...whatever keeps em coming back right? The customer always comes first. I'm a lady.

Thanks to Tina I was able to extend my knowledge base on douchebags. She gets full credit for finding this site. Navigate here, poke around, and then come back so we can talk about it.

*waits*

I KNOW!!! Can you believe it?! I cried. I cried a lot. So much hotness, and so much douche. Not even floral scented douche! I think my favorite was DimpleDouche. This douche was not just a DimpleDouche...hes a multifaceted douche. He has the Guido chest hair, popped collar AND opened shirt with gold chain, and has way too much gel in his hair. I swear if you panned down he'd be wearing white socks with his stiff and cheap wannabe italian loafers. Jesus, it hurts to look at this site for too long. I need to fix this. I will work to the bone to fix all the wrong that was on that site. People, people, lend me your boobies.

After all that...I bugged Arlan for cheese. And then we sat on a bench for an hour and half in the LA sun, eating cold stone, watching three of the most beautiful kids (not more beautiful than my nieces tho) play in a fountain. Couldn't have ended my weekend off better. It would of been nice to see my Grandma but she was in New Mexico taking care of land issues. Other than that, I had a blast. Hope you all had the best weekend.

Right now I am off to relax and watch a movie! I need to laugh! So how bout you swing by, pick up some Ben and Jerry's Cherry Garcia, and then come watch it with me...I could use the company. I could use the company for lots of reasons, but for now we can keep it PG.

Sleep tight, don't let your girlfriend bite...

...unless you want her to.

- J

Friday, September 28, 2007

I just want back in your bed

Morning ladies. Here, I got you some coffee.

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Starbucks grande mocha frappuccino no whip? One for you and one for me. Sorry they were out of the shortbread cookies. You'll have to wait. <3

Wow it's early. It's 8:45 and I have already been at work for almost an hour. I am about to go do a starbucks run because my tummy needs company. So now they are serving hot breakfast sandwiches which me and my tummy couldn't be happier about. You know how I am about my cheese. Especially melted cheese. It's kind of like finding a hot girl, who's ALSO melted cheese. I mean who's also smart and good in bed. It's just so much better melted. God I'm hungry.

Anybody been over to Planet Sappho? It's a lesbian dating site. I guess its like match.com except for women who like boobies. Okay, so by a show of hands, who all likes boobies? *puts hand up and looks around*. Awesome, me too! I'm so glad we have something in common. You and I will get along juuuuust fine.

Let's see…what else is going on? Oh! I updated my myspace page. I got one of those super fancy flash pages. The only downside is tweaking the html code. It is a pain in my ass. Right now there is this Linkin Park image on my page and it's just lame. I need to put a cool pic up there…like the one I have of Kelly Clarkson straddling me. Yeah that one would be nice.

OH GOD! You wont believe this site I found. It's like a douchebags mecca. I typed "pain in my ass" in google and found the site. It's so egotistical I swear to god I felt an imaginary penis jump out of the screen and smack me in my face. GRRR. So let's all take a little field trip over to a place where apparently, women are only good at one thing…making babies and "every woman is a cheating whore"*shaking head* You can just call me "angryface".

Okay so let's end on a good note shall we?



It's about time for me to hit the streets and make some money. I mean go to starbucks and be a receptionist. I hope you all enjoy your weekends! I'll get at you when I get back from LA…

"They're hot circles tend to give me some hope, yeah"

- J

Lay me down

Oh god, it's late. Well not super late. I have a long day ahead of me...today. Just wanted to talk about the things that make me smile before I hit the sheets.

-Lyrics to yummy songs
-Not having a care in the world
-Seeing my baby girls face
-Knowing that someone, somewhere loves me
-Cuddled up with someone you love
-Feeling like no one can bring you down
-Friends that can listen to you vent without SOMEHOW making it about them
-A slice of cheese
-Ice Cream
-Supportive friends and family
-Finding money in jeans
-Mexican food late at night
-Pez and chocolate
-Feeling sexy
-Backslashing all the bullshit out of your life

Okay thats all I have for tonight. I leave tomorrow for LA pretty much right after work. I haven't decided yet if I am going to bring my laptop. I might bring it to do a webcam episode with Arlan if I can persuade her to do it for her viewers. But I'm not promising anything. I am pretty much packed and ready to go...so if I end up bringing my laptop look forward to another post. If not then you probably won't get one until Tuesday :[ But I am sure I will have lots to talk about since I will be attending the Terra Naomi show and seeing Itty Bitty Titty Committee.

Happy hunting Friday and Saturday night. Hope you all have good hook ups. I'll be at the bar asking for drinks and texting. It's just how I do.

If you see me out, buy me a drink would ya? This bitch could use it.

Night!

-J

Thursday, September 27, 2007

Who knows, what's lurking there....UGH.

My mind is so far from my body today it's ridiculous. I started my day off with some stupid texts from my ex that made me just feel…..angry and hurt. I've spent my day with my head in the clouds thinking about all sorts of things and trying to find some sort of solution.

Problem is, I found the solution but it's not working. I feel like I have this huge ball of undigested cheese in my stomach. [I love cheese] BUT, I know this much. I like me. I mean myself and ME have been friends for…*stops and thinks*…almost 23 years now. Me and myself have a great time together, I'm always here for me, and I make an awesome homemade spaghetti and garlic bread. SO I have to learn to start doing things that help me take care of me and myself. This includes:

-Finding solace in knowing that people get what they deserve.
-As long as I do the best that I can and give 110%, I'll sleep just fine.
-There's going to be people who want to bring me down, but they can only do that if I LET THEM.
-It pays to take the high road
-Don't stress or fret over the things that I cannot change.
-Take it one day at a time and JUST BREATHE.
-Remembering that I have people who support and love me.

So I need to laugh and I need to smile. PLUS! Those things burn calories. I totally need it. Tonight I need to pack for LA. After my day today I totally need to get away. Tomorrow is going to be jam packed but I'm ready for it. I'm ready for a little "pants-around-my-ankles" kinda fun. Just kidding! More like: "funny-movie-with-a-long-beach iced-tea-and-good-conversation" kind of fun. OH and I need to shop. Good thing cuz this Saturday I am sooooooooo doing it. I'll be sure to tell you all what I get.

Anyone have any plans for tonight? Oh and did anyone catch the season premiere of Till Death? I don't have cable, but I think I can watch it online. Also, when does Prison Break start? I find it funny that they can take one simple act of breaking out of prison, and drag it out soooooo long. These guys have been breaking out of prison for like, what, 4 seasons now? It's still fantastic. Michael Scoffield is one of those rare guys that I would totally sleep with. He's in the 20% of my 80/20 lifestyle.

So for me, its back to grinding the day away and I hope you all enjoy your nights.

-J

***Theme for the post: Under the Influence of Giants – In the Clouds

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Talk slow to me love...

I've got somemusic pouring in my ears cuz it's one of those nights where I can't sleep and feel incredibly bored. It's like my eyes are searching for something good to look at and can't find anything satisfying. Now I'm left thinking how I should have enjoyed more the good I HAD seen tonight. Bleh. My mind's just sitting here racing, thinking of my life's "this and that's" AND about that little old Asian lady that did one of those fast "oh my god get your dog away from me" walks past Chloe this afternoon. She did it like she was some sort of pit bull or something. Jesus Christ lady....shes like a foot tall. And wearing a tie. Cue angry confused face.

My next couple of days are going to be kind of busy. I had an incredibly busy WORK day today. But the next few will be busy AFTER work. I have lots of packing to do because I am going to LA this weekend. I am going to visit my grandma, hang out with Arlan and go to the Terra Naomi show. It's been a while since I've seen my grandma so it will be nice. Also the last time I saw her I was straight...haha. So it'll be interesting.

OH and oh my god can we talk about SON?! Stop reading now if you don't want any spoilers. So! Last episode ended with Spencer showing up at Ashley's place in nothing but a trench coat and heels. All this comes after Ashley was a fucking great ex girlfriend and got Spencer's mom to go to Pride to support Spencer. Spencer realizes how fucking awesome Ashley is for doing this and how much Ashley has changed. All this time Ashley has realized how Spencer is the girl for her. Insert sigh here _____. AHHH! I was so excited when I saw that damn trench coat hit the floor. Damn Spencer is hot...and not to mention the patent leather pumps? Good call Spence. Does this mean the rebirth of Spashley? And most importantly, can we move this show to Showtime so they can show Ashley get at Spencer? Preferably up against a wall, or on a table? Or my bed? I just washed the sheets. That would be awesome. Screw Christmas presents, that's all I want.

Here are some awesome screen shots: [Let's just all hold hands and look together]




mmhmm...okay...




Good point. I was thinking the SAME thing....




I couldn't agree more...*nodding*




Bitch better be smiling.

Now wasn't that nice? It left me feeling all warm and fuzzy. Come cuddle? Sweet. I'll leave the door unlocked. Can't promise Chloe won't bark tho :|

On that note I leave with a list of songs I can't stop playing! Enjoy:

Klaxons - Golden Skans
M.I.A. - Come Around (feat. Timbaland)
Justice - TTHHEE PPAARRTTYY
Tegan & Sara - I know, I know, I know and Speak Slow
Rooney - When did your heart go missing
The Chalets - Nightrocker
Under the Influence of Giants - Lay me down
YACHT - See a penny

Goodnight ladies,

-J

Sunday, September 23, 2007

FACE? Yes....I'm the OG Face.

Hello Ladies. It's about that time for an update since it's been FOREVER since I posted. Don't be disappointed though!

What I'm listening to right now: The love that I crave - The Blow
How my day was: Awesome. I did almost nothing and it was perfect.
Highlight of my day: I spent about an hour cuddling with Chloe. I love her smell.
Lowlight of my day: I hate Target on the weekends.
One thing you probably didn't know about me: I love the word FACE. I use it all the time. I attach it to other words, and I always say it a little differently when I use it in a sentence with other words. I call Chloe "FACE". OR ChloeFace. I'm just a Face. My loved ones all have Faces that I love. You'll find me asking them "How's your face?". I'm weird.

Moving on...

So I haven't posted since Thursday, so to make up for it, I took more pics. I grabbed the love of my life (Chloe) and turned on the webcam. I am pretty sure she is sick of having her pic taken but she's going to have to just deal with it. Oh and by the way, she is totally wearing a tie. I swear to god shes the dog version of Ellen.






And can you believe I haven't seen a douche bag all weekend? I can't believe it. OH WAIT. I take that back. I saw an Italian shoe douche at Cheesecake. Damn it. I thought it was quite possible that I hadn't. OH and this coming weekend I am going to be in LA visiting my grandma and catching the Terra Naomi show. Check out some of Terra's songs on mybreast. I mean on myspace. Gosh. Sorry about that. My minds in the gutter. Well...not just my mind, my whole damn body.

K kiddies...I end this post with:
"You remember the route to her heart from her thighs" *Ahem* Hot.

Now you just think about that.

Perky boobies to you all!

-J

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Hairs on my head

SOOOO how's everyone? Wow I had a long day. I am in desperate need of a drink! A yummy long beach iced tea will do me juuuust fine. I am so glad that my day is almost over. Going to go to Cheesecake Factory grab some food and then head over and grab a drink.

OH! After work I got my hair done. I chopped a lot of it off and darkened it up quite a bit. And it was so funny the lady next to me was either drunk or on some sort of drug. She was slurring her speech and at one point she said "I normally wear a size zero....*inaudible*...but like....*slurred speech* some reason, the wedding dress is A eight...I just don't even know..." All I had to say to this was "Riiiiiiight. Bitch must be crazy." BUT I was able to get in a little photo session with my baby girl before I hit the streets tonight.....enjoy your nights!
















:]

-J